Things Have Changed
by Yucatan Handbook
Summary: COMPLETE! Harry is back for a sixth year at Hogwarts. Times are changing and so is Harry. [HPDM slash, character death, not in the darkfic genre, though]
1. Despite all my rage

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter etc. They belong to J. K. Rowling and the other lucky bastards who were in the right place at the right time. As a fan of popular culture, there may be references to it as well. For more information, check the bottom of each chapter.

Rating: M (R), for slash and some coarse language. A NC-17 version can be found on aff.

Warnings: HPDM slash (boy on boy) and a character death. Not in the darkfic genre, though.

Before _Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince_.

* * *

**Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage**

Harry Potter stepped on the platform at Hogsmeade Station feeling the cool September wind hitting his face. He made his way slowly through the building to the road where the carriages were waiting. It was already packed with students trying to find an empty coach to share with their friends. Harry stopped at the doors and took the sight in.

He was having extremely mixed feelings about coming back this year. Hogwarts was still his home, nothing had changed that. He still took pleasure in arriving at Hogsmeade on the Hogwarts Express and seeing Hagrid herd the first years. In the same time he was feeling a good amount of dread about the coming school year. Last year had successfully destroyed Harry's illusion of the school as an undisputed safe haven. Now, looking back, he had to wonder how he had managed to hold on to that illusion for so long. Hogwarts had never been safe.

Harry was startled from his musings when he felt a smaller hand slipping into his. He looked to his left to find Ginny Weasley smiling back at him before she turned her attention to the carriages. It had never been safe for Ginny either. She had almost been killed in her very first school year. Ginny squeezed Harry's hand once before letting go. Harry watched her make her way to Dean Thomas, who was waiting for her on the bottom of the stairs. He gazed at their retreating backs for a moment before heading for the carriages.

Harry had just found an empty coach and was staring at the Thestrals with a vivid interest when he heard someone calling his name. He turned around to find Ron Weasley jogging to him. Hermione Granger was not far behind.

"Where did you run to?" Ron panted. "One minute you were there, and the next you were gone."

Harry frowned a bit, but answered then evenly "I didn't run anywhere, I just came here. I thought that maybe you had some Prefects business to attend to, or something."

Harry was finding Ron's question a bit irritating. Surely he had the right to walk a bit by himself without having to give a bloody report about it to Ron? He turned back to the carriage with a sigh. He didn't know why he was so irritated. All thoughts of Ron were quickly forgotten when he was once again fascinated by the winged horses-like beasts. Last year he had been afraid of them because he didn't know what they were, but now he felt like there was something comforting to them. Almost like an old friend. Harry couldn't help but wonder why he felt that way. The beasts did have something extremely sinister-looking about them, for Merlin's sake. And they had played a key part in the events that had lead to his godfather's death. Harry crossed his fingers and placed his palms on the top of his head. He drew a long, shaky breath as unwanted memories started flooding back to his mind.

"Oh, Harry" Hermione said sympathetically from behind him.

"Hermione, don't" Harry said to her without looking back. "I'm fine." He knew that Hermione's eyes were filled with empathy and concern right about now. He was annoyed again.

* * *

Draco Malfoy was looking at the exchange from close by. His attention had been caught when Ron had shouted Harry's name. He couldn't help it, he always became a little more aware of everything when Potter was around. He carefully observed as the Golden Boy turned away from his friends and started looking in to the distance, like the tragic hero that he was. Then followed the well-rehearsed and nicely executed play that Draco liked to call "The Martyr Act". First the Boy Who Lived broods and then his friends ask him what's wrong, to which the hero answers forcefully 'nothing'. That way he plays the part of the lonely martyr while being at the center of attention all the same. Perfect. 

Draco chuckled a bit as he saw the Weasel looking confused. Evidently he hadn't been let in on what was the source of Potter's constipation this time. He saw Granger silently wording 'THES-TRALS' behind Harry back. A look of understanding dawned on Ron's face.

Draco immediately turned his attention to the point he presumed Potter was looking at the front of the carriage. He had forgotten about the Thestrals. It was obviously hard to remember something you couldn't see. Draco had to admit, he was a tad curious about them. Especially since Potter could see them and he couldn't. Well, he'll probably be seeing them sooner than later.

Draco was brought from his musing when he felt somebody staring at him. Slowly his eyes left the carriage and landed on Harry Potter. Harry was looking at him in an unfriendly, yet not an aggressive way. He was obviously waiting for Draco to start the inevitable fighting.

'Well fuck if I'm going to promote your squeaky-clean image by allowing you the position of the innocent defender' Draco was fuming in his mind. 'You're no better then the rest of us.'

So the two boys just stood facing each other, glaring, but neither of them said a word or made a move to get their wands. A crowd was starting to gather around them, waiting for the fight to break loose. Finally Ron noticed to staring contest that was going on between the two rivals, and decided to add his share to the mix.

"What are you looking at, _Malfoy_?" Ron demanded spitefully.

Draco let his stare linger on Harry a bit longer before he turned his attention to the red-head.

"Nothing" he answered just as viciously. "And before you ask, yes, that means you." Without glancing back at Harry, he turned away from the trio and made his way through the crowd to the closest couch. A violent 'OUT!' was heard from inside the coach and two seconds later two frightened second-years came tumbling out.

Ron was as red as his hair and fuming. "He can't do that! That bloody bastard..."

Harry left Hermione calm the boy down and stepped in to their coach ready for the trip to the castle to begin. He really couldn't care less.

* * *

Title of the chapter from _Bullet With Butterfly Wings_ by Smashing Pumpkins 


	2. Don't believe what you hear

**Don't believe what you hear, don't believe what you see**

The ride to the castle was uneventful. Ron had asked gently why Harry hadn't come to the Burrow that summer although Dumbledore had okayed it in July. Harry could see the hurt in Ron's eyes, but truthfully, Harry didn't have an answer for him.

Harry's summer had been different from his previous ones with the Dursleys. It seemed that Uncle Vernon had took the Order members' warning to heart. Harry was no longer asked to do any housework, nor was he ever forbidden to leave the premises. In other words, his existence had been completely ignored.

At first, Harry hadn't noticed the change that had occurred because of his grief over Sirius's death. He had been brushing his teeth in the bathroom on his third night back when it had finally hit him. He had almost choked on the toothpaste as he was sobbing so violently. He had managed to get back to his room, and didn't leave it for a week. He would sneak out to the bathroom when he was sure that no-one would be around and raided the kitchen for food at night when the Dursley's were sleeping. He really just wanted to be left alone.

So when he finally re-emerged from his room on his second week of summer, he and the Dusley's had already fallen to a mutual habit of ignoring each other. Harry soon started spending his days away from the house.

Little Whinging was a tedious place. The armpit of Surrey, really. When Harry wasn't just wondering aimlessly, he was either at the local library or working as a dishwasher at a local eating-house. He was pretty pointless to escape the housework at the Dursley's for that, but at least he got some nickels out of it. And that money was truly his, not his parents' or the winnings of some blasted tournament.

So he spend his summer alone, both physically and mentally. He kept regularly in touch with the Order and his friends so that they knew he was all right, but the letters were impersonal. Now, sitting in the same coach with said friends and Neville Longbottom, the mood was somewhat strained. Harry kept his eyes on the looming castle of Hogwarts and nobody said a word. Not even Neville.

* * *

The mood of the school had changed over the summer as well. Voldemort's return was common knowledge now. Death Eater activity had been pretty low during the summer, but students were afraid. Even those who hadn't even been born before Voldemort's first fall were well informed of the terror he had inflicted.

A small group of Slytherins were really taking full advantage of their peers' fears in the uncertain situation. The teacher were incapable to stop the mental and sometimes even physical bullying they executed on their class mates. The culprits made sure not to be caught red handed and the victims were too afraid for themselves and their families back home the name their attackers.

Harry, like others, was constantly on guard while outside the Gryffindor common room. During the first weeks of classes he made sure not to walk alone in the corridors, but soon he realized that he was not a target. Maybe the slytherins though that attacking the Boy Who Lived was not wise, especially since Harry wouldn't have any problems naming his aggressors.

So Harry soon fell back to his old habit of wondering off alone with his thoughts. Things were not getting any better between him and the other two of their 'inseparable' trio. They weren't fighting, but they weren't understanding each other either. Harry felt guilty for not telling his friends about the prophecy naming him as Voldemort's only possible killer, since that was probably the biggest thing that was forcing their friendship apart. But Harry still wasn't ready to tell them. He didn't want them to know. But he would, soon.

Mostly Harry spend his time in an abandoned storage room on the second floor. It was a big room, but so full of dusty, broken stuff that most of it was unreachable. From the door one could walk quite easily to a window on the opposite wall. The path was lined with junk; a musty couch and uneven chest of drawers. Harry quickly became fond of an alcove he found left from the window. He placed a worn out armchair in front of it's window. It soon became his favorite place to brood.

* * *

It was Wednesday and Harry was making his way to 'the room' on the second floor. It had been quite a few nights since he had been there last. The teachers were bombarding them with homework and although things still weren't like before among the three friends, there was nobody better to study with then Ron and Hermione. Hermione made sure that the work got done while Ron made sure the studying didn't get too serious. Nevertheless, Harry felt that he needed a break from it. Unfortunately it wouldn't be a complete break since he still had to read 15 pages from his potions book that he had with him.

Harry walked up to the door, and with a quick glance to make sure that no-one was around, he pushed the door open. The room wasn't unoccupied.

'Fuck', Harry thought when he saw his least favorite slytherin sitting on the couch with a book on his lap.

* * *

Draco jumped when he heard the door open. He couldn't believe his eyes. Freakin' Potter standing at the door. He was really not in the mood for this.

"Potter, what are you doing? Get out!"

Harry made a quick decision. He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him.

"No! Look, I've been coming here since the beginning of the school year." Harry was feeling like a six-year-old with his reasoning, but he really didn't want to give 'the room' up.

Draco shot him an incredulous and extremely peeved look. "Well I have been coming here since our fourth year so piss off!"

Harry ran a hand through his hair and weighted his options before meeting Draco's glare. Harry summoned his calmest and most non-offensive voice he could muster at the time and said "I'll go back there. You wont even notice I'm here" before walking carefully past the blonde in to his alcove. He was sure that Draco would come after him demanding that he leave at once, or would at least throw insults or hexes or probably both his way, but Draco's attack never came.

After 5 minutes of waiting unnecessarily for the slytherin to retaliate, Harry cautiously settled on the armchair and pulled his potions book on his lap. In spite of his best efforts, Harry soon found it difficult to concentrate with someone else in the room. Harry could hear every single movement, cough and turning of the page that the other boy made and it was driving him crazy. After almost an hour, Harry could hear the slytherin get up and storm out of the room.

* * *

The title of the chapter from _Acrobat_ by U2 


	3. You can feel the enemy

**If you just close your eyes, you can feel the enemy**

After running in to Draco at 'the room', Harry started paying more attention to his school nemesis's doings. It came to him as a shock how little attention he had given the pointy-faced slytherin those first weeks of classes. It wasn't because Malfoy's attitude or actions had improved. On the contrary, Malfoy was still just as mean and spiteful towards any harmless bystander, if not even more vicious. It was merely because everybody, including Harry, had been keeping a close eye on those slytherins who were flashing the Death Eater card almost openly. Surprisingly, Malfoy was not among them.

Although Draco was constantly insulting everything that moved, he was still refusing to start a fight with Harry. As a result, the two boys never talked to each other. But from the glares Malfoy was sending his way, Harry could quite easily decipher a message. 'Stay the hell out of _my_ room.'

Nevertheless, the following Saturday afternoon, Harry was making his way to a familiar door on the second floor. Hoping to find the room empty, he pushed the door open. Draco Malfoy was sitting in his earlier position on the couch. Harry slipped in and closed the door before Draco got a word out.

Draco recovered quickly. "Get. Out." he all but hissed.

Harry couldn't quite keep the irritation from the look he gave Malfoy before heading for the alcove. He had taken only a few steps, when Malfoy jumped up and shoved his wand at Harry's throat. Malfoy's wand was keeping him from seeing the slytherin's face, but Harry was imagining, from his tense pose and shaking voice, that he was in fact angry. That and the wand sticking painfully in his throat.

"I said, get out. I don't want you here with your panting. I have steered clear from you, now steer the fuck clear from me! Got it?" Draco empathized his words by pushing the wand even further.

Slowly Harry started backing away from the other boy and his wand, lifting his hands to his side. He retreated all the way back to the door, until he felt it behind his back. He continued lifting his arms, bending them at the elbows until he could lace his fingers and rest his head on them, leaning backwards. Then he crossed his legs from the ankles. He could not have been any further from a fighting stance.

Draco was raging. "You arrogant prick! You actually dare to assume I won't hex your arse off just because you're the bloody Boy Who Lived?"

"I don't know you well enough to assume anything" Harry answered truthfully. He had no idea what he thought he could accomplish with this. In the back of his mind he realized that Draco couldn't actually kill him. That wouldn't stop the slytherin from doing something painful anyway.

"We have been mortal enemies for five years and you presume -" Draco's rant was cut short when a snort escaped from Harry.

Draco whipped his wand hand up again from the side of his thigh, where it had been resting. "You think you're in a position for that?" he asked evilly.

Harry couldn't help but smile a bit despite his sticky situation. "You're so lucky. Having only me as your enemy" he said.

"And you're above this?" Draco sneered.

"Yes, I think so" Harry answered. "You can't hurt me, Draco."

Draco hated the condescending way Harry had said his given name. He took a firmer grip on his wand. "Oh really?"

Anger was starting to well up inside Harry too. He hated this constant fighting. Children attacking other children and trying to act tough. Harry was reaching his breaking point.

His eyes were blazing as he spoke with suppressed anger. "What are you going to do? Hex me? No no, something bigger. Who am I kidding? Were enemies! You'll use the _Cruciatus_? _Avada Kedavra_?" Harry paused to breathe for second. "Or maybe hit me where it _really_ hurts; attack one of my loved-ones. But I have to warn you. You better act soon, I seem to be running out of those." Harry knew he was sounding bitter, but he didn't care. Hell, he _was_ bitter.

As Harry's rage started intensifying, Draco's seemed to be deflating. Draco bent his arms around his back and took a hold of his own wrist. Then he lifted his chin and said with an emotionless voice "I'll do what is demanded of me."

But Harry was not finished yet. He uncrossed his legs and let his arms drop. "You have to do better then that" he sneered. "You have to want it. You _do_ want it, don't you? I would hate to hear that you joined Voldemort's ranks just to please your father. That in the end, you weren't a blood-thirsty baby-killer after all and wanted out, so Voldemort got you killed. Once you join, you can't ever leave his services... You know that, don't you?"

Draco winced a bit from hearing Voldemort's name. Other then that he kept still and answered with the same emotionless, yet maybe a bit bored voice, "Yes, I know."

"Good. So now when I'll see you in my dreams, getting tortured by Voldemort, 'cause let's face it, that's what he does to his followers, I'll know that you're happy. That you're where you want to be, following your true calling." It was as if Harry had pulled a plug and everything that had been bothering him about his peers' actions over these last few weeks was coming out. These Death Eater trainees didn't know what they were getting into.

This time Draco lost his cool. "Oh, please" he threw back. "Just save it, okay? I know you'd throw a party if I got killed."

Harry drew a long breath before answering. "I have known you for five years. You were the first Hogwarts student I ever met. I don't want you dead, or tortured." After Draco's incredulous look, Harry answered in a calmer tone "It gives me a headache every time he tortures someone."

Draco frowned in confusion but didn't say anything, which worked out quite nicely because Harry wasn't going to tell him anything about the visions anyway.

Both boys stayed quiet after Harry's admission. Finally Harry broke the silence. "If you hurt me, I will go to Dumbledore with it, and he will not be pleased."

"No, he wouldn't want his precious Golden Boy hurt, now would he?" Draco said with a mocking voice, but Harry found it didn't quite have the same effect on him like it used to.

"No, he wouldn't" Harry replied evenly. "Not in these times, and not with all the attacks happening in the school. They might make you a scapegoat." Harry wanted to add 'And your daddy won't be bailing you out from this one', but restrained himself. No need to get the blonde going again. Nor was there any need to kick him while he was down.

One can always count on a slytherin's sense of self-preservation. Without looking at Harry, Draco pocketed his wand and took his prior position on the couch.

Harry had almost reached the entrance of the alcove, before he heard Draco speak with an unsurer voice. "It's really coming now, isn't it?" Draco looked at Harry's back as Harry froze from Draco's words. "The war" he added after Harry didn't seem to react.

Harry turned around slowly. "It's been coming for some time now" Harry said. "You knew this. You were one of the few who did."

"No I didn't! It was just... for fun. It's not like I wanted this... this war." Draco stood up again and walked to the window.

Harry couldn't believe what he was hearing. Draco Malfoy was all words and no action. First using his father's dark connections to bully everyone around him, just to feign ignorance when the shit really hit the fence. Just like his father. Harry crossed his arms on his chest and shook his head slowly.

Draco saw this action from the window. "What?" he asked with all the venom he could muster.

Harry started slowly advancing on Draco. "Your name means 'bad faith', doesn't it?" He waited for Draco's confirmation before continuing. "Do you know the French existentialist Sartre? No? According to him a person practicing 'bad faith' refuses to see the painful truth and take responsibility for his choices. Now, is this just a coincidence or cosmic verity?" Harry cocked his head to the side mockingly. "You tell me."

By the end of Harry's speech, both boys were pretty riled up again. Suddenly Draco pushed Harry who had stopped just a feet before him with his both arms and all the strength he possessed. Harry fell hard on his back and hit his head on the floor. Harry realized he had been lucky that he hadn't hit an edge of a broken furniture.

Draco dropped himself on top of Harry, knees on the floor on both sides of Harry's stomach. "Don't you fucking ever insult my family name again, Potter" Draco spitted out while he grabbed the front of Harry's sweater and drew a fist back, ready for a blow. Harry saw this and closed his eyes, waiting for it to land.

After a few moments of waiting, Harry realized that the punch wasn't coming. He slowly opened his eyes and looked at Draco, who was still clasping his sweater and squeezing his fist. Harry saw an emotion on Draco's face that he had not seen on him before: desperation.

Draco's voice was failing him when he spoke. "He is still in prison. Do you understand that, Potter?" Draco's other hand was now gripping Harry's sweater as well. "My father is in Azkaban prison, because of you."

Harry looked deep in Draco's eyes and said with a softer voice. "I'm sorry that your sacrifice for Voldemort's cause has been so big. But you have been fooled. And it won't be getting any better either. Voldemort doesn't deserve your devotion."

Draco buried his face in to the back of his hands that were still clutching on Harry's sweater. Draco was drawing shaky breaths and silence reigned once again.

Harry didn't know what to say to the other boy falling apart on top of him so he just patted him gently on the back. That obviously wasn't the thing to do, because Draco immediately bolted up and stormed once again out of the room without a glance back.

Harry stood up groaning. He reached to the back of his head. He could already feel the bump forming.

* * *

Title of the chapter from _Acrobat_ by U2

Jean-Paul Sartre, French philosopher and novelist: wrote about 'bad faith' (_mauvaise foi_)


	4. Crumbling world falls apart

**When your crumbling world falls apart**

It was Sunday afternoon and Harry was sitting in his usual place in front of the window. He was alone this time. He hadn't seen Draco since their... Harry really didn't know what to call it. They had fought before, obviously, but it wasn't like their other fights. Draco was different, somehow. He seemed almost lost.

Harry suspected Draco's state of confusion was due to his father's still ongoing imprisonment. The Dementors had already left Azkaban, or actually they had been forced to leave by the ministry. It seemed like Fudge was trying to patch up for his prior mistakes by ensuring that those Death Eaters who had been caught in the Department of Mysteries were kept under heavy surveillance. Harry thought it was stupid of Fudge, really, wasting the Aurors' resources with such a petty task. The fact that one of the captives was Lucius Malfoy, Fudge's 'personal friend' had not gone well with the public.

Harry heard the door open and shut in the main room. Harry couldn't see to the door from his armchair, so he could only guess who it was. He was guessing it was Draco.

Harry thought briefly if he should let the slytherin know he was here, but decided against it. Draco would probably be able to tell, anyway, from Harry's 'panting', as Draco had put it the day before. It seemed Harry hadn't been the only one having trouble concentrating.

15 minutes later Harry realized there was someone standing at the entrance of the alcove. Harry turned his head to look at the blonde. 'He looks tired' Harry thought absent-mindedly before Draco spoke.

"I'm not devoted to the Dark Lord" Draco said. "I'm devoted to my father."

Harry frowned before he understood that Draco was referring to their fight from yesterday. What was he going to say to that, anyway? Harry knew Draco was fiercely proud of his father. And could he really blame the slytherin for being loyal to his parents. Harry wondered if he could ever have turned against his own father about anything, had James Potter still been alive? After all, the man had loved him enough to protect him with his life.

He focused his gaze to Draco's eyes. "And is he devoted to you?"

Draco snorted. "My father?"

Harry frowned again. There was obvious bitterness in Draco's voice. Was he doing this for his love for his father or not? Harry felt frustration sweep over him once more. Draco was hiding in his father's shadows, refusing to make the choice for himself.

Harry thought for a moment before he spoke again, pulling his thoughts together. Draco was surprisingly silent, waiting attentively for whatever it was that Harry had to say. This made Harry want to choose his words with extra care.

"No matter what your choice will be, it'll still be just that: your choice" Harry spoke while keeping his eyes locked with Draco's. "Even if you choose to do what you think your father expects you to do. And when you realize one day that you have wasted your life away, you won't be able to blame it on anyone else. Not Voldemort, not your father nor me. It'll be your fault."

Draco stared at Harry for a moment before lifting his chin and turning away from the entrance. Harry waited for a moment, but he never heard the door being slammed shut. Silently he stood up from his chair and walked to the entrance and looked at the room.

Draco was standing in the middle of the little path leading to the door. He had his back turned, but Harry could see that he had his arms wrapped around himself. Harry felt a strange urge to hug the boy standing not far from him. Harry dismissed it automatically. He wasn't even a touchy-feely kind of person.

He walked slowly up to Draco and leaned carefully on the old chest of drawers on Draco's right. Draco was still staring in front of him, and didn't acknowledge Harry's presence.

Harry was feeling bad for his harsh words from earlier. It was obvioushe had hit a nerve with them. He still couldn't believe that Draco Malfoy, the proudest slytherin of the school, was in fact so lost. In the back of his mind, Harry realized he should actually be happy that Draco wasn't a Death Eater to the core like everybody had always assumed.

"Our existence on this planet is so insignificant, Draco" Harry said carefully. "Your life is meaningless to everyone except yourself and those who love you."

'Shite.' Harry grimaced mentally. 'That didn't come out so well, did it?'

Harry decided to keep silent and wait for Draco's answer. The blonde just kept staring in front of himself, arms wrapped around himself. Harry felt another urge and he slowly reached out with his left hand and landed it on Draco's back. Harry was about to pat it when he remembered the last time he had patted Draco's back and the way the slytherin had bolted. So Harry tried to save what could be saved and started rubbing small circles instead.

Draco still didn't say anything, but suddenly he lifted his left shoulder and rubbed his cheek with it. Then he turned his head and faced Harry. Harry could see a wet trail leading from Draco's left eye to his cheek where it disappeared abruptly.

Draco's voice was a bit strained, when he said "Well, that isn't very many people, now is it?"

Again, Harry didn't know what to say. They stared at each other for a moment before Draco moved to the couch and opened his transfiguration book.

Harry let his hand fall in his lap and studied Draco for a moment before he retreated to the safety of his alcove once again.

* * *

Title of the chapter from _The Miracle of Love_ by Eurythmics 


	5. Hurry boy

**Hurry boy, it's waiting there for you**

They fell into a routine after that. They acknowledged each other presence, but didn't enter into such heated arguments anymore. They barely talked anyway. Harry wished he had the courage to approach Draco. He wanted to know what was going inside the slytherin's head. There was so much he wanted to say. If Draco was having any doubts about joining Voldemort's ranks...

Harry found himself staring at the blonde boy more often than not. Draco was starting to loose some of his vicinity, he noticed. He doubted if anyone else did. The bullies of Slytherin were making up for what Draco was lacking. It took virtually no time at all for everyone at school to realize that there was a pattern to the attacks. Muggle-borns were the target. Ron refused to leave Hermione's side. Harry felt guilty that he did.

Sometimes their eyes would lock over the tables of the Great Hall, and Harry thought he knew what his blonde fellow-student was feeling. The same thing he himself was feeling. What it felt like being lonely in a crowd.

* * *

Harry started gathering his school stuff and putting them into his bag. It was pretty late already. He had been in 'the room' ever since dinner that night.

He had watched the Slytherin quidditch team practice for a while. The quidditch pitch was the only thing one could see from the alcove's window, but only if you sat on the window sill. He had quickly learned slytherins' practice schedule, since Tuesday was the only night when Draco didn't come to 'the room'. Other nights Draco always seemed to be there. So that very night, he had been very surprised, when he had heard the door open and shut in the main room some time before.

With a last glance around to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything, Harry stepped through the entrance and to the main room. Draco was asleep on the couch. Harry walked quietly to him. He wondered if he should wake Draco up, tell him he was leaving, but decided against it. Draco looked so peaceful right there. Ever since his nightmares had begun, Harry had learned to value peaceful sleep. The way Draco was looking almost angelic, Harry thought he'd rather chop his arm off than wake him up. So he sneaked silently out.

* * *

Harry was laying on his back. Just a moment ago he had thought this would be a better position to be in, but clearly it wasn't. He was having problems finding a good one. He had been turning restlessly for two hours now. Everyone else in his dorm-room were already soundly asleep. With all the sleepless nights he had had ever since the school started, he had quickly learned to recognize the little noises his companions made while sleeping.

'Lucky Draco' he thought, and bolted to a sitting position right after. 'Shite. I wonder if he ever woke up. If he sleeps there the whole night he'll be royally pissed, and probably late for the morning classes too. Bugger, bugger. I really should have woken him up earlier.'

Harry was biting his lower lip by now. He really should go check, just to be sure. He suddenly got an idea and slipped out of his bed. He opened his chest and took out the Marauder's Map. He pointed his wand at the middle and whispered "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

He watched as all of Hogwarts was laid before his eyes. He quickly scanned the second floor and found what he was looking for. Draco Malfoy's immobile dot was situated in 'the room'. Harry quickly slipped on his robe and the invisibility cloak and left the dormitory.

* * *

Harry approached the couch and it's occupant silently, not sure what to do. He kneeled on the floor and was about to shake the sleeping boy by his shoulder when the school motto popped into his mind. _Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus_. 'Never tickle a sleeping dragon.' His eyes drifted automatically to Draco's belly. Harry wondered what Draco would do if he was woken up by tickling.

"What are you doing?" Draco's voice brought Harry back from his fantasies.

Harry was glad it was dark in the room, as he felt himself blushing.

"Nothing." he answered quickly. "It's after one o'clock. You had fallen asleep."

Draco sit up and looked around dazedly. Then he looked up to Harry. "You're in your pyjamas."

"Well, I had already left once and gone to bed." Harry admitted reluctantly, ashamed he had left the slytherin sleeping.

"And then you came back, just to wake me up?" Draco asked while standing up.

"Yeah" Harry answered unsure where Draco was going with it.

But Draco just thanked him and moved to the door. "Coming?" the blonde inquired Harry, keeping the door open for him.

Harry walked carefully out to the hallway and glanced at a statue of a animal of some sort behind which he had hidden his invisibility cloak. 'I'll just come back for it tomorrow' he thought while walking silently next to Draco.

Neither of them had spoken a word when they came to a halt at the bottom of a staircase. Harry was to take the stairs to the Gryffingor Tower and Draco was to continue his way to the dungeons.

Harry was looking at Draco, racking his brain, trying to come up with something to say. Draco was only staring in front of himself again.

After a moment Harry decided that the point of a 'comfortable silence' had been passed. He gave up with a sigh and muttered a "bye" before starting to make his way up the stairs.

He had climbed a dozen of stairs before he heard Draco yelling "Wait!" softly after him.

Harry turned around to see Draco jogging the stairs after him, taking two steps at a time.

He walked the last couple a steps normally and without hesitating placed his hand on the back of Harry's neck and brought their lips together carefully. Only after a moment Draco pulled back and looked Harry in the eyes.

"'Night, Harry."

Harry stood transfixed and watched Draco hop down the stairs and disappear behind the corner.

* * *

Title of the chapter from _Africa_ by Toto

* * *

A/n: I would just like to thank all the readers. I know this story may be a little... well, you can add the adjective of your choice:) So thank you for sticking with it.

Thank you also to those you who reviewed. That's so nice.

That's all, I'll be seeing you...

Yucatan Handbook


	6. The exchange of human emotions

**Oh, to get involved in the exchange of human emotions**

Draco watched, uninterested, as Hagrid kept jabbering something ridiculous and utterly useless about their subject of the day: Billywigs. Draco had no illusions that the big oaf wasn't going to open their cage soon enough and let the blue pests attack his students. A billywig's sting makes a person levitate, Draco knew that much, no thanks to his _professor_, who obviously thought that any negative aspects of his precious babies weren't worth mentioning. Draco had his wand at hand, ready to make a hasty retreat back to the castle.

What he really wanted to do, though, was look to the other side of class where he knew one Harry Potter was standing. But he didn't, because every time he did, Harry would quickly look the other way. Draco wasn't sure if it was a good sign or not.

It's funny how at night time, when everything is dark and your brain is obviously still in dream land, kissing your school rivals seems like a good idea.

Although Draco couldn't quite claim that he was regretting it. He had never kissed a guy before, but he had always wondered about it. He had decided not to act on his impulses because if word got out, it could have been potentially damaging to his future.

'Right, what future?' he thought bitterly. That was probably why he had done it. If he had a 'to do before one becomes a Death Eater' –list, kissing Harry Potter would have been on it.

Draco let out a long sigh. He would have to talk to Potter about it. To trust blindly that the gryffindor wouldn't tell anyone, would be very un-slytherin of him.

* * *

Draco knew that Harry was already at his usual place in the alcove. He could hear the gryffindor breathing. Draco hadn't said anything when he had come in, but he presumed that Harry knew he was here too. Harry usually didn't stay this late. Draco was pretty sure Harry hadn't left yet because he was trying to avoid facing him.

Finally Harry emerged from his entrance and looked right at Draco for the first time since last night, and Draco suddenly forgot he had wanted to speak to him. He just watched silently as Harry walked carefully past him and out of the room.

"Shite" Draco cursed quietly when he realized what had happened. He got up and ran after Harry.

"Potter, wait" Draco called out when he saw Harry walking in the corridor.

Harry turned around and his eyes widened almost comically. Draco had an odd feeling of _déjà vu_ when he ran up to the other boy.

"Can I talk to you, in here, please" Draco asked, while gesturing towards an unused girls bathroom. Draco had heard it was inhabited by a annoying ghost, but it was unoccupied when the two boys walked in.

Harry walked to the middle of the bathroom and turned around. He lifted his eyebrows questioningly at Draco who was standing by the door.

Draco cleared his throat. "So, I'm sorry about..." Draco was searching for words. "About kissing you." It wasn't quite what he had wanted to say, but it would have to do at the moment.

"It's okay" Harry answered.

Draco wasn't sure what to make of Harry's answer. Did he mean that he didn't mind that Draco kissed him, or that he didn't mind Draco kissing him, or that he _did_ mind, but he forgave Draco anyway? Draco knew he should just get on with it and ask Harry to keep it between them, but his curiosity got the best of him.

"So, what did you think about it?" Draco asked carefully.

Harry blushed quite spectacularly. "It was fine, I guess" he answered with a smaller voice. "I'm really no expert, but..."

That was really not the answer Draco had been waiting for. He couldn't prevent a smile forming on his lips when he said "No. I mean, what did you think about me kissing you?"

"Oh that" Harry chuckled a bit at his mistake, but became serious after that. He drew a deep breath before speaking. "Kissing me, it's not a problem, but... I really don't... I haven't..."

Harry became noticeably irritated at his own stammering. "Look, I don't want to have sex, you know, here and now... with you."

'Whoa! Where did the sex come from?' Draco wondered in his mind before he realized what Harry had actually said.

Draco guessed he hadn't managed to keep the hurt from showing in his face because Harry continued quickly "No, I don't mean _you_ you. Just you, somebody I don't know. I'm sure it would be nice to..." Harry absentmindedly motioned to the two of them with a to-and-fro movement with his hand to explain himself.

"I'm sure of it too" Draco commented amusedly.

Harry blushed again. "Nevertheless, I'm gonna have to decline. I don't want to be doing that."

Draco thought a moment about what Harry had said.

"But the kissing was okay?" he asked. Harry nodded, but looked a bit unsure. "So, can I kiss you again?"

* * *

Title of the chapter from _Human Behaviour_ by Björk

* * *

A/n: And I'm off to celebrate the midnight sun... 


	7. Ever so satisfying

**Is ever so, ever so satisfying**

Harry's gaze dropped immediately and he refused to look up. He didn't even acknowledge hearing Draco's question. Draco took that as a 'yes'.

He started advancing towards Harry, not quite sure how to proceed. Had he been kissing a girl, he would just have placed his hand on the small of her back and pulled her body closer. But for some reason it didn't seem appropriate now. Harry was a guy, for Merlin's sake.

'Just breathe' Draco tried to calm himself. He carefully cupped Harry's cheek with his right hand, and then lowered it until it rested on the side of the gyffindor's neck. His thump was gently rubbing the soft cheek.

Harry finally stopped trying to pretend he wasn't really there and lifted his eyes to meet Draco's. Draco smiled in a way he hoped was reassuring and leaned in.

The kiss was more premeditated this time, but just as chaste. Draco lifted his left hand to mirror the other.

"Open your mouth a bit" Draco whispered. First, Harry looked like he was going to pull away, but then carefully opened his mouth ajar.

Draco leaned in again, with more confidence this time. He tilted his head to the side and sealed Harry's lips with his own. Not wanting to scare Harry, Draco gently ran his tongue on the underside of Harry's upper lip, before finding his tongue.

Draco noticed to his pleasure that once Harry got over his initial shock, he started responding to Draco's ministrations. He found that the combination of anxiety, charm of novelty and response was turning him on like nothing ever had. Or maybe it was just kissing Harry Potter.

Draco opened Harry's robe and slipped his hands inside. He carefully pulled their bodies together and felt Harry gently place his hands on his shoulders.

Draco was finding Harry's lips intoxicating. He started pulling up the hem of Harry's jumper and shirt. He wanted to feel the skin on Harry's back. But as soon as he managed to slip one palm under the fabric, Harry pulled away.

"Don't do that" Harry panted.

This time Draco was really feeling the hurt of rejection. He had thought that it was... good. Hadn't it been good?

"I told you, I don't want to do this right now." Now Harry was sounding almost apologetic.

"I'm... sorry" Draco apologized again. The realization of what had happened had hit him. He had practically tried to undress the gryffindor! How could he have let himself slip like that?

Draco looked over Harry's form while the other was busy tucking in his shirt. Harry's cheeks were flushed and the proof of his arousal was evident. 'He enjoyed it' Draco noticed with satisfaction. 'And I still want to touch him' he mentally added on a more desperate note.

Harry was now finished and realized his robe was hanging open. In a desperate attempt to hide the bulge of his pants, he tore it closed, his cheeks flaming red.

Draco couldn't prevent a chuckle escaping. Honestly, they had had their tongues in each others throats, not so long ago. What was the gryffindor expecting?

Still clutching his robe shut, Harry said with all the dignity he could muster "Now, if you'll excuse me. I have a slight problem to take care of."

Draco watched as the gryffindor walked past him and towards the exit. He had already reached the door when Draco called out.

"Why don't you let me take care of your problem for you?"

Harry turned around, his brows furrowed.

"I don't mean sex" Draco explained. "I could just... wank you off."

Harry's confusion didn't pass.

"Why would you do that?" Harry asked skeptically. He narrowed his eyes, like he was trying to understand what Draco was playing at. Then he understood. "You'd want me to do it for you too."

"No" Draco hurried with his denial and then sighed. 'This is bloody ridiculous.'

Draco tried to re-group his thoughts. 'Why am I doing this? Walk away, now. This isn't wise.'

"I mean, I wouldn't mind it, but... You don't have to do anything" Draco said finally. "I would just like to kiss you... and touch you."

Neither of the boys said anything. Draco was starting to think he'd have to take Harry's silence for another 'yes', when Harry moved. The gryffindor leaned against the wall next to the door and opened his robe.

Only after a moment of hesitation, Draco removed his own robe completely and tossed it on the top of one of the cubicles' doors. Harry hesitated but then followed Draco's lead. Draco took Harry's robe from him and folded it neatly and placed it on the edge of a sink.

Deciding not to let either of the parties involved a chance to back down, Draco returned to Harry with a confident strode. He leaned in to kiss the gryffindor once again while unbuttoning his trousers. Draco could feel Harry tense, but he couldn't think of anything comforting to do.

Draco pulled Harry's trousers and boxers down at the same time all the while continuing with the kissing. He had the strongest urge to... well, look down, but refrained himself. Somehow it didn't seem appropriate.

Re-positioning himself more on the side, Draco placed his hand on the base of Harry's neck. He slid his other hand under Harry's shirt and gently caressed the skin on Harry's stomach with the back of his hand before lowering it. He could hear Harry's breath hitch. The gryffindor quickly moved to loosen his tie and unbutton the top of his shirt.

Draco boldly ran his fingers over the whole length of Harry's erection and saw Harry gasp. All the while keeping an eye on Harry's reactions, he started stroking, rubbing and adding or decreasing pressure.

Harry was almost trembling at this point. He was biting furiously his lower lip in order not to loose his composure completely. Harry turned his head to give Draco almost a pleading look. Draco kept repeating his actions and Harry finally tilted his head back and let it rest on the support Draco's hand was providing. An almost pained moan escaped from Harry's lips.

Harry's moan caused a new wave of blood rush in to Draco's groin. Draco doubled his efforts in order to extract such voices again. He stroked with a faster pace, wanting to feel Harry come in his hands, observing every little sign of pleasure crossing Harry's face. With a soft cry, Harry came.

Both boys panted quietly. Draco had removed his hand from Harry's softened member, but was still holding firmly the gryffindor's neck. There was still so much to see. Harry's head was tilted completely back and he was now leaningagainst the bathroom wall with his eyes closed. Draco could now calmly observe the shape of Harry's face and see his Adam's apple move as he swallowed. He could even see that Harry's glasses were a little foggy.

Draco reluctantly left the gryffindor to recover in peace, but not without taking a peek of Harry's manhood. 'Oh bloody hell, I need some privacy, now' he groaned inwardly while walking to the sinks. He glanced at the mirror and saw Harry already buttoning his trousers. Draco proceeded to wash his hands. He studied his own reflection and decided he looked like shit. Sweating, red blotches everywhere.

Draco shook his hands dry and loosened his tie absentmindedly. He glanced again at the Harry on the mirror and saw the gryffindor stare right back.

Draco drew a long breath and turned around. "Look, do you mind?" Draco was trying to keep his voice friendly, although he was feeling as horny as hell. "I also have a problem to take care of, and I, unlike you, am not so willing to go off wandering to the halls like this."

Harry cocked his head to the side. "So what's stopping you?" he asked innocently.

Draco frowned. "What?"

"Go on, take care of your problem" Harry smiled.

This time Draco's eye brows shot up. "And your just going to stand there and watch?" he demanded.

"Yes" Harry answered. After a pause he added "Do you mind?"

Draco recognized a challenge when he saw one, but he wasn't sure if Harry was just taking the Mickey or if he also had other motivations.

Watching Harry watch him back, Draco decided to accept Harry's proposal. "No, by all means, watch" he answered with a sly expression.

Draco thought it was decidedly too hot, and removed his jumper and tie. Then he proceeded to roll up his sleeves. He was really taking a criminal amount of pleasure out of watching Harry's eyes follow his every move.

He unbuttoned his trousers and lowered them. The boxers went next. He saw Harry swallow when he curled his fist around himself.

He started slowly with his ministrations, keeping his eye on Harry, but soon he became too aroused to stay in control. Moaning, he closed his eyes and let his head loll. He was already quickening his pace, working up to a release, when he heard someone breathe raggedly near him. Startled, he snapped his eyes open only to find Harry standing next to him.

With determination, Harry wrapped his fingers around Draco's cock, forcing Draco's own hand away. Draco hadn't even realized he had paused with his ministrations, before Harry started stroking him again.

A surprised gasp came from the blonde. Harry grip wasn't as firm as Draco would have liked, nor did he move in a pace fast enough, in Draco's opinion, yet somehow it was so much better.

Draco groaned, clasping the edge of the sink he was leaning on. He was so close now. He glanced at Harry and saw him staring intently at his cheek. Before Draco could do anything more, Harry leaned in and ran his tongue along Draco's jaw line, licking away a drop of sweat, Draco now realized.

Harry pulled back and smiled at Draco mischievously. "Salty."

That did it for Draco. He came crying out forcefully. He felt like he's knees were going to buckle from under him, so he gripped the sink ledge behind him like his life depended on it.

After a moment of recovery he saw that Harry had already moved to the next sink and was washing his hands. Draco started pulling his trousers up, tucking himself in.

He watched Harry remove his glasses and splash water on his face, running a wet hand to his neck as well. Then he stood up, face dripping water. Harry glanced around the bathroom, trying to find something to dry on. Chuckling, Draco realized there wasn't anything.

Draco's chuckling drew Harry's attention, and the same mischievous smile appeared on the gryffindor's face again. He took a few steps closer until he was standing right next to Draco. Draco was still leaning on the sink, his arms now crossed over his chest. He was trying to look all calm and collected, but Harry's close proximity was turning him on, again!

He could see the drops of water dripping from Harry's wet bangs, on to the cheeks and continuing towards the neck. He saw Harry's eye lashes cling together and the moistness of Harry's lips.

Harry just stood there for a moment, before shaking the water off him like a dog.

Draco flinched as a few cool water drops landed on hit flushed skin. Harry was looking smugly pleased with himself.

"Arsehole" Draco muttered almost amusedly.

Harry reached for his glasses on the edge and put them on. "I gotta go" Harry said.

Draco just nodded. He watched Harry take his robe from where Draco had left it and walk out the door.

* * *

Title of the chapter from _Human Behaviour_ by Björk

* * *

A/n: I'm lousy with the ratings. If you think there is something inappropriate in this chapter, let me know and I'll change it. 


	8. New, you’re so new

**New, you're so new**

Harry sighed, again. The bickering had been going on for sometime now, but the end of it didn't seem to be approaching. Harry resisted the urge to snap at his friends to 'shut the fuck up'. After all, he didn't want to be included in the fight.

It had started when Ron had absentmindedly brushed some bread crumbs off the table at breakfast. Hermione had immediately jumped into reproaching him about living like a pig and adding extra to the workload of to the poor house elves.

Hermione had laid off about the SPEW stuff this year. It was probably out of respect for Sirius's death and trying to avoid pissing Harry off, too. And she had been right. Talking about the liberation of house elves still got him thinking about the duplicity of Kreacher. Rationally thinking, Harry understood that the two things had nothing to do with each other.

But now Hermione had obviously decided that the subject wasn't a taboo anymore and the pair of them had dived in to a heated argument. There was nothing that Ron and Hermione disagreed on more. They absolutely couldn't see each other's point of view. But Harry could. He understood that Ron didn't support the ill-treatment of elves, but saw the house elf system as a normality. Ron was a pure-blood wizard, after all, he had been taught to this. Hermione was seeing things in black and white.

"Harry, help me mate" came Ron's plea and Harry cursed, realizing too late that he had not averted his eyes soon enough. Ron and Hermione were both looking at him, expecting him to choose a side.

Harry decided to voice his thoughts. "Hermione, I know you stomach poorly injustice" he said. "But if you really want to do something about it, you have to start looking at the big picture, and not pester Ron about it."

Hermione looked offended, and Ron looked like he was regretting asking Harry to participate. Harry decided it had come out too brashly.

"I'm sorry" Harry tried to make up for it. "What I meant was, you have to find a way to convince wizards that they have something to gain from setting their elves free. And on the other hand, you have to find to educate the elves so that they understand their right to freedom. You can't force it on them, they won't know what to do with it. If you succeed in making the house elf system illegal, it'll just go underground, because the elves are going to continue seeking masters."

Hermione's eyes were shining with excitement, and Harry realized he shouldn't have let his friend know he had given the 'house elf paradox' some thought over the summer. Honestly, he had no intention in becoming a spew activist.

"Oh Harry, this is great. You're absolutely right" Hermione started. Harry was just about to interrupt her, when the post owls started pouring in. 'Saved by a flock of birds' Harry thought while scanning the owls for Hedwig. She wasn't there, which wasn't surprising.

Another owl caught his attention. It suspicion was confirmed when he heard Ron mutter "Bloody hell" on his side. It was Errol. The whole Gryffindor table watched in apprehension as the decrepit owl approached with high speed, wings flapping wildly as it tried to make it to the table.

"I think you better move the porridge pot, Ron" Hermione said urgently.

Finally the owl came crashing down, but due to the slipperiness of the table, the poor thing didn't manage to stop. Instead it continued sliding towards the end of the table, making students grab their plates and goblets as he went. Errol reached the end of the table, went over the edge and landed on the floor with a sad thump.

The whole Great Hall burst out laughing, Harry along with them. Harmione was trying to prevent herself giggling. The two Weasleys at the Gryffindor table were hiding their red faces in their hands.

"I'll go get him" Harry said between laughs, patting Ron on the back. He walked to the end of the table and crouched in front of the pile of feathers and cereal.

"Are you still alive, old boy?" Harry asked as he gently picked the owl from the floor. Errol gave a pitiful hoot as an answer to Harry's question. Harry extracted the letter tied to the owl's leg and read what was written on it. He walked back to his friends.

"It's for you" he said, as he handed Ginny the letter. Then he turned his attention to Ron and Hermione. "I'll take Errol to the Owlery" he said. "I'll see you at class" he added before they could propose coming with him.

"Okay, thanks" Ron said, looking surprised.

* * *

Harry walked out of the Great Hall and headed towards the Owlery, Errol cradled in his arms. Why did he feel like he was suffocating when he spent time with his friends? It was like he and his friend were on a different page, or maybe in a whole different book. No matter what he said, he always managed to hurt or worry them. 

That's why he hadn't said anything about Draco either. Well, that wasn't the only reason. He also just didn't want to tell them. What had happened at Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, was their business and nobody else's. It had felt special to Harry. It had been his first real kiss, and then some. His first kiss with a boy.

Harry wasn't really surprised about that, though. In retrospect, Harry guessed he had always known he could be a homosexual. He just hadn't ever been attracted to anyone, so it hadn't come up. That wasn't completely true, there had been Cho Chang. He had really been attracted to her. But now, Harry couldn't imagine kissing her, or any other girl for that matter, ever again.

But what he couldn't believe was that he had done all those things with Draco Malfoy, of all people. And he couldn't believe Draco Malfoy had done all that with him. It was Draco Malfoy, for Merlin's sake!

If he had been a little uncomfortable after the good night kiss Draco had given him on Tuesday, he was bloody climbing up the walls now! He couldn't look at the pale boy, or go anywhere near him. If he did, Harry was sure everybody could see what he was thinking; that he wanted more. Had it been anyone else, Harry would have... done something about it. Asked them out or something.

Harry couldn't guess why Draco had done all that. 'You can't trust Malfoy' he reminded himself.

It was Friday morning. Harry hadn't been in 'the room' the day before since the gryffindors had their quidditch practice every Thursday. But he was going to return there tonight. He could feel little butterflies fluttering in his stomach just by thinking about it.

* * *

Title of the chapter from _New_ by No Doubt 


	9. The sound of your loneliness

**Listen carefully to the sound of your loneliness**

Harry was standing in the empty corridor, looking at the door.

'Just open the door, and go in' he spurred himself. 'Now!' Harry took one step forward and looked at the door handle. 'Maybe he isn't there anyway' he tried to reason with himself.

Harry groaned inwardly and leaned silently forward to rest his forehead against the wood. But what if he was there? Harry had no idea what he was going to say. He didn't even know what he wanted to say, or what he wanted Draco to say to him. Harry was brutally interrupted with his thoughts when he heard talking and footsteps heading his way.

Without thinking he grabbed the door handle and burst into the room slamming the door shut behind him. Draco Malfoy was sitting in his usual place, but with a startled look on his face.

Harry suddenly felt embarrassed and annoyed at the same time. "What?" he demanded aggressively. "Didn't think you would see me here again? Thought that you would throw in some sexual harassment and you could have the space all to yourself?" Now he was feeling even more embarrassed and annoyed. 'I can't believe I just said that.'

"I can't believe you just said that" Draco claimed.

"I was just kidding" Harry muttered in his defense. Suddenly he couldn't look at Draco's face anymore so he just stared at the window. He still didn't know what to say to the slytherin.

"Look" he heard Draco say and turned his attention back to him. "I need to ask you not to tell anyone what happened" Draco said seriously.

Harry nodded absent-mindedly in agreement. He had figured this much himself. He was a little surprised though. Harry had almost expected Draco to try to gain something out of his knowledge of Harry's sexual orientation. He had at least assumed Draco would tantalize him about it. He had never realized a possibility that Draco had been risking something doing what he had done.

Draco wasn't satisfied with Harry's nod. "This is really important to me" he nagged on. "I'm going to marry a pure-blooded girl eventually, and I can't afford to have anybody questioning my sexuality."

"Yes, yes. I won't tell anyone" Harry snapped, annoyed again.

Draco bit down a nasty retort and focused on the book on his lap.

Harry stomped off to his usual place and sat down with a huff. 'Well, that's that, then' he sighed and couldn't quite suppress the feeling of disappointment.

* * *

Things went back to 'normal' again between the two of them. They acknowledged each other's presence, but didn't really talk. 'It' was hanging in the air between them. Had Harry had known what 'it' was, he would have called 'it' sexual tension. But Harry didn't know. All he knew was that Draco had started to breath loudly again. Practically hyperventilating really.

But everything had changed, of course. Harry didn't despise Draco anymore. He just couldn't, although he had made an conscious effort. They had a secret between them now, something that was all theirs. And sometimes, when they would pass each other in the hallway, Draco would make the smallest of nods and Harry would feel more connected to him that he did to anyone else around him.

* * *

Harry walked in to find the couch empty and stopped dead in his tracks. It was Friday and Draco should have been there already. Draco was always there before him. A uneasy feeling, that he couldn't quite explain, settled into his stomach.

He made his way towards the alcove when he heard clatter from his right. He let a breath out in relief when he saw Draco looking through the contents of an old armoire that had big parts of its glass doors missing.

First Harry thought he should just leave Draco to it, but then decided against it. "What are you doing?" he called out.

Draco looked over his shoulder and then returned his attention to the broken lamp he had in his hand. Harry thought for a moment that Draco was going to ignore him, but then Draco started making his way back to the path, the lamp in hand.

"I think I've realized why this junk is here" Draco said while stepping over a rolled Persian rug that had been ruined with a huge ink stain.

"Oh?" Harry commented, curious. Now that he come to think of it, it was pretty strange there was a room full of broken furniture stashed in the castle.

"I think these are the originals for some of the stuff that has been cloned around the castle" Draco explained his theory.

"Huh?" Harry wasn't following.

Draco dropped himself on the couch. "Articulate, are we?" he tantalized, but continued with his explanation. "When something is broken beyond _reparo_, it can be cloned if 62 percent of the object is intact."

Harry ignored Draco's taunt and hopped on the uneven desk of drawers opposite the couch. "Why -" He waited a moment for it to stop wobbling. "Why not just buy another or transform something to look like it?" he demanded.

"Everything you see here are antiques, some of them are one of a kind" Draco explained with an air of expertise. "You can't just skip to Hogsmeade and buy another. And to transform a regular table to look like an antique one... Well, that's just tacky."

"But cloning isn't?" Harry asked confused.

"It is a bit cheap, isn't it?" Draco nodded his agreement. "There is nothing cloned in the Malfoy Manor. Everything you see are originals."

Harry couldn't help but smile at Draco's snooty attitude. Draco was busy looking at the lamp sitting on his lap to notice. Harry decided that the slytherin didn't even realize what he had said.

"I recognized this lamp. I think we have it's clone in the Slytherin common room" Draco motioned to the lamp.

Harry looked at the lamp with more care. It was a beautiful shade of green with a snake carved on the lampstand. Harry recognized it immediately, it had caught his eye before. "Oh yeah" he exclaimed enthusiastically.

Draco looked at him funny and he felt blush rising. He wasn't supposed to know any lamps situated in the Slytherin common room. "Oh..."

"What?" Draco smiled amusedly.

Harry thought that the blonde looked kind of nice right then and decided to tell Draco the truth. "It's really stupid..." he started coyly. Draco only raised an eye brow. "Okay, I'll tell you. Me and Ron, we used Polyjuice Potion and turned ourselves to Grabbe and Goyle. That's how I have seen that lamp before at the Slytherin common room."

Draco looked truly surprised. "What? Did I see you?"

Harry smiled. "Yeah, you talked to us."

"And I didn't notice anything?" Draco was looking like he wasn't sure if he was believing Harry.

"Well, you did say that Ron, or Grabbe actually, no... Ron... was acting strangely... You thought that he was just having bad indigestion" Harry grinned.

"I don't recollect any of this" Draco stated in bewilderment. "Although, Grabbe does have bad indigestion pretty often" he grinned back.

Harry chuckled at the memory. "It was so completely useless..." he admitted.

"Why, what were you trying to accomplish?" Draco asked, curious.

Harry was feeling slightly nervous of Draco's reaction to his answer. "Well, we wanted to know if you were the heir of Slytherin. It was in our second year" he added as an explanation.

A smug expression appeared in Draco's face. "And what did you find?" he demanded.

"That you weren't" Harry answered "And that you didn't know who it was, either."

Draco expression became sour again. "My father had something to do with it, but he wouldn't tell me who it was" he confessed.

"It was Tom Riddle" Harry said, surprised that Draco didn't know this by now.

"Who?" Draco asked in confusion.

"Tom Riddle" Harry repeated. "Voldemort?" he tried. This time Draco looked completely perplexed. "His real name was Tom Marvolo Riddle. Rearrange the letters and you get 'I am Lord Voldemort'. Didn't you know that?" Harry was confused too.

"I didn't know he had a real name" Draco admitted pensively. "I thought he had always been... you know."

"He wanted to loose the name Riddle" Harry explained carefully. "It had been his father's muggle name." He cocked his head to the side and waited for Draco's reaction.

Draco's head snapped up and for the first time that night, Harry saw something mean in Draco's eyes.

"He didn't have a muggle father" Draco said coldly. "He's a pure-blood."

Harry held Draco's gaze and said gently "No, he's a half-blood."

"But he hates muggles, and everyone who has ever been in contact with them" Draco said frowning.

Harry nodded in agreement. "Well, apparently Riddle junior was not too fond of his father" he explained. "He murdered him and his parents after graduating from Hogwarts. After that he went underground." Harry didn't know why he was telling Draco all this. Probably he just wanted to see Draco react to it.

Draco kept quiet for a while. "I thought he was a pure-blood" he finally said.

"I think most Death Eaters do too" Harry said. "Being a half-blood himself, it kinda takes the edge of the whole rid-the-world-of-filthy-muggles thing, doesn't it?"

Draco was already deep in thought, so Harry hopped off the chest of drawers and went to his usual place.

* * *

Title of the chapter from _Dreams_ by Fleetwood Mac 


	10. You’re so right

**You're so right and you don't think your wrong**

Harry was sitting alone at the Gryffindor table. Dinner had started 15 minutes ago, so he was expecting his friends to arrive any minute. They had originally all gathered in the common room after classes, but Harry had felt the need to get out of there pretty soon. He had spent two nights in a row with Ron and Hermione, trying to make up for his moody behavior and to maybe re-connect with them too. But it was hard. Maybe he had let them drift too far away.

Harry wondered if Draco had noticed that he hadn't been in 'the room' there since Friday. Surely he must have. The slytherin was there practically everyday. Harry vaguely wondered if there was anyone suspicious about that in the Slytherin House. Didn't Draco's friends wonder where he spent all his nights? That led him to another question. 'Does he have friends?'

Harry was just about to look at the Slytherin table to see if Draco had already arrived when he heard Ron drop himself down on the bench next to him.

"Harry?" Ron said, but Harry was busy trying to look past Hermione, who had sat on his field of vision. "Is something wrong, mate?" Ron asked when he didn't get an answer.

Harry was still scanning the Slytherin table.

"Harry?" Hermione asked from across the table.

Harry gave up on his task and turned his attention to Hermione. "Huh? No, nothing" he reassured them.

Hermione gave him a knowing look. "Harry..."

Harry hated that look. Why was it, that every other thing they discussed these days was what was wrong with him. If he said there was nothing wrong, they should accept it, especially since there was nothing wrong! He had just been a little preoccupied.

"What, Hermione?" he snapped a little aggressively. Then he drew a big breath. He didn't want to alienate his friends any more. "Look, nothing is wrong." He looked Hermione straight in the eye while saying this to show her that he was being sincere.

"Just tell us, Harry" Hermione asked pleadingly.

"Oh for fuck's sake!" Harry slammed his palms on the table making the goblets closest to him fall over. "Here's an idea. How about I make a list of things that are wrong, starting with my parents murder and ending with Sirius's? That way you can just pick your favorite, and leave me the hell alone!" He was standing by now, practically screaming at her.

The entire Great Hall was quiet. Hermione had tears in her eyes when she whispered "That was totally uncalled-for."

Harry said nothing and left the Great Hall.

* * *

Harry stormed out of the Great Hall, through the entrance hall and out the front doors. He felt so angry right now.

He started running on the road leading to the gates of Hogwarts. He kept running as fast as he could until he was out of breath and had to slow down. He came to a complete stop and put his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath.

He was angry at himself, more then anything. Loosing his head like that and yelling at Hermione. Screaming about Sirius's death for all the world to hear.

He straitened himself after a moment and took a long breath trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. He didn't want to be doing that.

After a while, he turned around and started heading back to the school, wrapping his robes more tightly around himself as he went. He debated about going to visit Hagrid at his hut, but decided against it. Hagrid would take one look at his face and ask the inevitable question he obviously didn't want to be asked.

So he headed for the second floor instead.

* * *

By the time Harry reached the second floor, he was fuming again. Hermione really shouldn't have pestered him like that. It was obvious it was going to lead into one of two things. Either Harry blowing up or 'confessing' what was supposedly wrong with him. Either way, it hadn't been fair for Harry. Had Hermione been a real friend, she would have believed him.

Harry pushed the door open and walked in slamming it shut after him. This time he was really surprised to Draco here so early. He would have thought the blonde would still have been at dinner.

Draco looked up from his book and watched Harry without saying anything.

Finally Harry got bored of the staring contest. "What!" he snapped rudely.

Draco lifted his eye brow. "Nothing" he replied evenly.

"You want to know what's wrong with me" Harry accused mockingly. "Why I was fighting with Hermione."

"Not particularly" Draco said. "Why should I care if you're fighting with your friends?"

This deflated some of Harry's anger. "No reason" he answered quickly. "Right."

Draco returned to his book and Harry walked past him towards the alcove. After a moment the gryffindor came back, however, and opened his mouth to say something. Then he did a dismissive wave with his hand and left again. Two seconds after he was back once more.

"Unless you think I should be showing some kind of interest now that we are sharing a space regularly" Draco drawled without looking up, interrupting what ever it was that Harry was about to say.

Harry stood still for a moment, looking at Draco reading his book calmly. "I won't lie to you, sometimes your lack of empathy amazes me" he said in a surge of superiority.

This time Draco looked up. "And I would prove my empathy by asking you what was wrong?" he asked with a frown.

"Yes, for instance" Harry answered.

Draco looked at Harry for a moment longer, something of a disappointment showing in his eyes. Finally he said "Why would I want to be doing that, since it'll only result in you screaming at the top of your lungs at me?"

That deflated the rest of Harry's self-righteous anger. So Draco had been at dinner, and he had heard it all. And Harry had done it again. He felt so stupid.

Harry tried to explain where he was coming from, but it only came out as a pathetic "She just kept on asking over and over again."

Draco snorted at this. "Wow, I guess she really _really_ wanted to know then" he said without pity.

Haary leaned heavily on the desk of drawers. He looked at Draco and Draco looked at him back. He didn't want to seem so self-absorbed. Not in front of Draco anyway. He wanted to explain what had angered him so badly, but honestly, there was no decent explanation for it. And Draco was ruthless, he would see right through it.

Finally Draco dropped his gaze and went back to his reading. Harry kept on leaning against the desk of drawers. He lifted his glasses on his forehead and rubbed his eyes for a moment thinking.

"I guess I should go apologize to her then" he said more to himself than to anyone else, but hazily he saw Draco's head snap up. He quickly put his glasses on normally to catch Draco's expression. Well, it was as expressionless as always.

"_That_ you can do later" Draco said almost reproachfully. "Go on, skip to your little corner now." He nodded to the direction of Harry's alcove.

"Wha-?" Harry was confused.

Draco looked him right in the eye and said a simple "Stay." Then he dropped his gaze before Harry could reply. Dutifully Harry went and sat down on his armchair in front of the window. It was only fair after all. He had already been away for two nights in a row.

* * *

Title of the chapter from _Human_ by Carpark North

* * *

A/n: I wrote yesterday. See, I haven't been writing since I started posting this story, which is of course very stupid. If I only post and don't write, I'll run out of things to post... But I wrote yesterday. I thought it came out quite nicely. And why am I telling you this? Well, I guess I just felt like sharing.

Now that we are here in chapter 10, I felt this would be a good place for me to thank all the readers once again. Thank you if you took the moment to review me, too. It is hugely appreciated, even though I haven't responded to them individually. But I have noticed, and I cherish them. Some of you have reviewed more than once, I know, I see you. And even if you have never reviewed me, I still see you. I'm a stalker.

And on that happy note, I'm leaving to help my sister move. This is in a whole other city, and I can't be sure when I'll be back. I might miss a update, but then again, I might not. Anyway, when I come back, I'll give you... Chapter 11! The logic of this is really overwhelming.

Yucatan Handbook


	11. You’ve already won me over

**You've already won me over, in spite of me**

Harry woke up with a start. He slowly sat up in his bed and breathed heavily in and out. His head was killing him. He silently got up and went to the bathroom, just to be sure. After ten minutes of unsuccessful toilet bowl hugging, he gave up, but his insides were still swirling.

He moved to the mirror on the wall. He was looking as bad as he felt. "This sucks" he told his reflection. His reflection only looked back sympathetically.

He didn't feel like going back to bed so he took his robe and went to the common room. He sat in an armchair by the lingering fire. He had had a vision, again.

He should just swallow his pride and go groveling to Snape. He should learn to do Occlumency. He had thought that it wouldn't be so urgent now, since both parties were aware of each other. Harry wouldn't believe anything he saw in his visions anymore. Besides, Voldemort knew Occlumency. He shut Harry out every time there was anything remotely interesting going on. Truthfully, the connection was shut most of the time and Harry didn't have problems dealing with it. But sometimes at night, when he was sleeping and most vulnerable, Voldemort would give him a 'treat'. He would let Harry see someone get tortured.

Like tonight. It had been a Death Eater, but Harry didn't know who. They had had their mask on. Harry didn't even know why he was tortured, Voldemort had only shown him the 'best bits', the sadistic bastard. Voldemort knew Harry couldn't stomach it.

He was feeling restless, like Ron was going to wake up any minute and come find him. He didn't want to be talking about this, because there was nothing to talk about. He couldn't fathom why Ron and Hermione always wanted to know every last detail of his visions. There were no hidden meanings or important details, it was just torture, and Harry didn't want to relive it with them.

So he got out of the common room, and headed towards the stairs. He would go to 'the room'. He hadn't been there tonight. He had tried to make up for his ridiculous outburst at the Great Hall the day before. He had been truly sorry, and Hermione had forgiven him. The three of them had sat down and discussed what was going on in their heads, why there was so much tension between them. Harry felt better now, even if they still didn't know about the prophecy.

* * *

Draco was there. Draco was bloody there. Draco was always bloody there! 

"Coming in?" the blonde asked from the couch.

Harry quickly closed the door after him. "What are you doing here, this late?" Harry asked bewildered.

"I always stay here later than you" Draco replied.

"But it's one o'clock at night" Harry persisted while dropping himself next to Draco on the couch.

The blonde raised an eye brow at this, but didn't comment on it. Instead he replied "Actually closer to two, I think." He paused for a second. "I'm an insomniac. It comes and goes, but lately falling asleep in the Slytherin dormitory hasn't been so easy."

Harry hadn't really thought about it. Hell, he would have thought falling asleep in the Slytherin snake pit was hard at ordinary times, but now... Harry felt that uneasy feeling settle in his stomach again, like he was worried or something. He wanted to ask Draco more about it, but he got the feeling Draco wasn't really in the sharing mood.

"I have nightmares." Harry evidently _was_ in the sharing mood. "More like visions really. About Voldemort torturing -"

"Torturing Death Eaters" Draco finished for him.

"You know about that?" Harry looked at his blonde companion.

Draco was staring right in front of him. "I vaguely remember you screaming about not wanting to see me get tortured" Draco explained. Then the blonde looked back at him. "Said it gave you a headache."

"Makes me sick to my stomach too" Harry added with a sad smile.

They fell into a comfortable silence. He couldn't help but wonder why he had told Draco about his nightmare. Hadn't he left the common room to avoid having to tell? He pondered if it was so easy to tell Draco these things, because he knew that Draco didn't care. Telling his friends who loved him and worried for him was harder.

'That's so messed up' he told himself. And somehow he got the feeling it wasn't completely true either.

He felt Draco rest his head on his shoulder and looked questioningly at the blond head.

Draco didn't even look up when he asked "Do you mind?" with a bored voice.

Harry shrugged his shoulders, making Draco's head bob.

"Don't do that" the slytherin reproached.

"Sorry" Harry whispered embarrassed. Then he leaned down a bit to get a better position on the couch. He didn't feel tired, but he was asleep 15 minutes later nevertheless.

* * *

"Wake up" Draco said shaking the gryffindor. 

Harry woke up yawning and groaning. He had been very deeply asleep. Draco was now leaning on the desk of drawers. Harry sat slumped on the couch, trying to wake up.

"I have never heard anyone snuffle so much when they wake up" Draco said crossing his arms over his chest. "Bloody annoying really."

Harry's witty comeback got caught up in another yawn, so he went with a simple "What time is it?"

"It's almost six" Draco answered heading towards the door. "We should return to our dorms. Coming?" he added and held the door open for Harry.

* * *

"Did you sleep?" Harry asked as they walked along the corridor. 

"Some" Draco answered.

"Good" Harry said aloud. Draco glanced at him and didn't say anything.

Harry was deep in thought, when he heard Draco voice from behind him.

"Potter, this way." Harry turned around to see Draco standing on the first steps of the stairway leading up to the gryffindor dormitory.

Harry took a moment to mock-examine his surroundings. "You know, I think you might not be wrong" he confessed.

Draco just rolled his eyes. "Come on, I'll walk you" he said and started climbing the stairs.

"You are going to walk me?" Harry asked. "To the seventh floor?" The slytherin didn't say anything.

'He really must not want to return to his dorm' Harry thought silently and felt a pang in his chest.

After a few staircases Draco spoke. "You know, you could just say it." Draco looked over his shoulder at Harry who was trailing a few steps behind him.

Harry ran the few steps to catch up. "Say what?" he demanded panting.

"That I was right" Draco said smugly. Harry looked at him questioningly. "Down there, you just couldn't say that I was right."

Harry thought back for a moment. "Well, it was nothing personal" he finally said. Draco snorted at that. "I guess, I'm just a bit tired of right and wrong at the moment. Good and bad, light and dark, white and black..." he tried to explain. "I like the shades of gray. That's where life dwells." He finished his prattling and realized he wasn't really making any sense.

"Life?" Draco was looking at him like he was retarded.

Harry grabbed Draco's arm and forced the blonde to face him. "Oh, don't tell me" he said with a concerned voice. "You don't know what life is."

Draco pulled free from Harry's grasp, annoyed. "What an idiot" he muttered to himself.

Harry ran a few steps again until he had caught up with Draco once more. "You know, your eyes are gray" he told the slytherin.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Draco asked defensively.

Harry looked at him frowning, trying to guess what was going through his blonde head. "Nothing. Just an observation" he replied finally.

They had arrived at the entrance to the Gryffindor common room. The Fat Lady was sleeping in her painting.

The boys walked up to the portrait. Draco was looking at it with disdain. "So this is your gate keeper" he whispered. Then he turned to Harry expectantly. "Well, go on."

Harry snorted. "I'm not going to say the password with you here, you arse" he whispered with humor.

They stared at each other waiting for the other to say something, or to do something. Harry saw Draco's eyes glance down at his lips. When the eyes came back to meet Harry's, the gryffindor couldn't take it anymore.

Harry stepped forward, grabbed a hold of Draco and brought their lips together. Draco's response was immediate as he opened his mouth to meet Harry's tongue. Draco grabbed Harry's waist and pulled Harry closer yet. Harry's hands were roaming around Draco's back, neck and hair.

Harry felt like he couldn't breathe, but it didn't really matter. It was a bliss, kissing Draco again. This kiss wasn't anything like the kisses they had shared before. This was so much more needy and wild, and Harry felt like he was loosing his mind. Harry wanted Draco to kiss him and touch him and _anything_ him.

Draco turned them around and pushed Harry against the painting hanging on the wall.

"Ouch" Harry gasped as his back hit the painting frame, but he soon forgot about it as Draco was kissing and licking and nibbling his neck.

Harry heard someone mumble something, and instantly Draco stopped with his ministrations.

Draco looked at something above Harry's head and cursed. Then, without another word, he fled from the scene.

Harry turned around and saw the Fat Lady stirring in her portrait. He waited until he didn't hear anymore running footsteps from the stairway and knocked on the portrait with a sigh.

"Excuse me" he called out to the sleepy Fat Lady. "I'd like to get in. The password is _Fiat Lux_."

* * *

Title of the chapter from _Head over feet_ by Alanis Morissette 

"Kiss me, anything me..." I sort of remember something like that from the TV-series _My so-called life_ with Claire Danes. I could be remembering wrong...

_Fiat Lux_ is Latin for 'Let there be light'

* * *

A/n: In my mind, when Harry kissed Draco in this chapter, I always heard the little guitar melody from Nirvana's _The man who sold the world_ (org. David Bowie). For the longest time I couldn't understand why it was, until I remembered an episode of Gilmore Girls, where (oh, I can't remember their names, no, wait... Lane. Aha! Well, who cares...) a boy kissed a girl, and it played in the background. How embarrassing! 


	12. Sucker love is heaven sent

**Sucker love is heaven sent**

Draco reached the Slytherin dorm entrance, but didn't go in straight away. Instead he studied the bare stone wall before him with interest. He traced all the little lumps of stone with his finger, feeling the dampness on the surface. He had slept only a few hours that night, but he felt more awake than he had for weeks.

'There you have it' he told himself. 'He kissed you.'

After a few moments more of peace he straightened himself, squared his shoulders and wiped that stupid smirk of his face.

"_Homo homini lupus_" he said the password and walked into the common room.

It was empty, much to Draco's relief. Nobody had any business asking about his whereabouts, but it was better this way. He didn't need to be in a center of any attention right now. He walked swiftly to his dorm room, picked an outfit for the day and went to take a shower.

* * *

Draco had finished his breakfast a long time ago, having arrived there so early. The only reason he was still sitting there was that Harry hadn't shown up yet. Draco could see Weasley and Granger chatting with Weasley's sister, but no Harry, and it was almost quarter to nine. 

He couldn't help but feel a little worried. A few hours before it had all seemed so simple. Harry had kissed him. Surely he had done it because he wanted to. And if the bloody Boy Who Lived was bloody chickening out now, Draco would brake his bloody neck.

Draco's silent puffing was cut short when Harry came bursting through the doors. He was practically running towards the Gryffindor table, trying to do his tie at the same time. Harry sat down, next to Granger, who was already cramming his plate with food. Harry grabbed a fork and started shoving it in his mouth.

The blonde could see Harry's eyes scanning the Slytherin table and waited patiently for the gryffindor to notice him. Finally Harry's green eyes landed on him and Harry swallowed everything that was in his mouth in one big gulp.

Draco gave a little, almost unnoticeable nod and Harry's face broke into a grin. Draco quickly checked those around him if anyone had noticed. Everything seemed normal, but Draco didn't dare to risk it by looking back at Harry. Instead he just shook his head ever so slightly at some leftover eggs on his plate.

'He's so clueless' Draco thought, and couldn't quite suppress a small smile forming on his lips when he got up and left the Great Hall.

* * *

Draco was standing by the window, not really looking at anything in particular. Honestly, he was just waiting for Harry. When he had left the Great Hall, Harry had still been there, eating his dinner. Their gazes had met a few times and Draco had tried to hurry him by giving some meaningful looks, but the gryffindor just responded by grinning like a fool. 

Draco heard the door open and turned around to see Harry standing in the doorway. All thoughts of reproaching the gryffindor about being so damn obvious flew out the window as the boys just stared at each other.

Finally Draco moved from the window. "Shut the door" he said.

Harry had barely managed to get in and shut the door before Draco was pushing him against it. Draco was holding the nape of Harry's neck and pressing their lips together so brutally that Harry was sure it was going to leave a mark. Harry's hands were around Draco's waist and he was pulling the slytherin closer.

They stayed like that for a long time. Not speaking or moving, just kissing, exploring each other's mouths, like they hadn't had the chance to do before. There was no hurry and no guilt. For that moment they knew what they wanted and they knew what he other one wanted, and that was all there was to it.

* * *

Draco was standing in the corridor in front of the potions class room. The bell was just about to ring, so every slytherin and gryffindor who had managed to get into advanced potions were already there. Snape didn't tolerate tardiness. 

Harry was there too, giving him shy glances. During the last week of intense snogging, Draco had finally managed to advise the gryffindor about the smiling thing. Now Draco was rethinking it. This was just much more conspicuous. At least with the smiling, nobody in their right mind would ever believe that Harry Potter was smiling at Draco Malfoy.

The worst part was that when Harry glanced at him like that, like he was 'just innocently' running a hand through his hair and looking around, Draco couldn't stop smiling. And _that_ was more conspicuous than anything.

So Draco was leaning against the stone wall, trying to look anywhere else then at Harry and biting his cheek to prevent himself from smiling openly, when Pansy Parkinson came to his side and put her chin on his shoulder. "And what are you so content about, Draco?" she smiled in his ear.

Draco started to turn his head, but quickly returned to his original position since she was so close. Draco couldn't for the life of him understand why she was leaning in to him like that. A change of tempo in the Slytherin House was always dangerous, so instead of calling her a cunt and telling her to piss off, he just simply replied "Nothing for you to concern your little head about, darling."

"Fine." Pansy's face came closer and she placed a slow kiss on his cheek.

When she pulled away, Draco got a chance to look at her face. Pansy just smiled at him happily and went inside. Draco only now realized that the potions class room door had been opened and students were going in. Draco saw Harry standing on the other side of the river of students, looking directly at him. Then the gryffindor just joined the river and went in.

* * *

Title of the chapter from _Every you every me_ by Placebo 

_Homo homini lupus_ is Latin for 'Man is a wolf to man'

* * *

To Anegativegrl: Thank you for your review and for pointing out the flaw. I actually did know it, but I was pretty sure it was the Nirvana version. Anyway, you were right, of course, and I was wrong in neglecting to mention the credit that was rightfully Mr. Bowie's. You'll be pleased to hear I have edited the author's note in chapter 11. I shall try to be more precise in the future. :) 


	13. Would you think again if I was to go?

**Would you think again if I was to go?**

Draco was making his way back to the castle. The Slytherin quidditch practice had gone on overtime but he was still hoping to catch Harry before the gryffindor left for the night. Draco had a feeling he should try to explain to him what had happened with Pansy Parkinson.

He walked in to the room, and for a moment he thought he had arrived too late. Then he realized to go check to alcove too, and that's where he found the gryffindor sitting with a pensive expression.

"Harry?" Draco said carefully.

"Hmm?" Harry answered, finally tearing his eyes from whatever he had been staring at.

"I know you saw me and Pansy today." Draco had decided to get right to the point. "It's really nothing. She's always like that. Kissing and -"

"Yeah, it's fine" Harry interrupted.

"No really" Draco persisted. "I didn't want her to kiss me. But I couldn't just -"

Harry interrupted him again. "It's okay, Draco" Harry said with a smile. "Don't worry about it."

Draco crossed his arms on his chest, leaned on the doorframe and said nothing.

"What?" Harry frowned. Draco still refused to say anything. "You would have _wanted_ me to be jealous?" Harry asked curiously.

There was something in the way Harry said that, like he was talking to a child, that turned Draco extremely off.

"Well not jealous, but..." Draco started. Harry raised his eyebrows expectantly. How couldn't the gryffindor understand what Draco was talking about? "I know I'd want to be with someone who only wants to be with me. I don't want to be kissing somebody knowing they'll be kissing the next person right after."

Harry looked at the slytherin incredulously. "I want to be with someone who only wants to be with me as well" he said with a frown. "I don't ever want to be jealous, and I don't ever want anyone to be jealous over me. I don't want to think about stolen kisses, private caresses and secret looks across the room" Harry spitted out like it was something too vile to talk about.

But Draco wouldn't yield. "That is my point precisely" he commented. "I wouldn't want anyone to kiss my... object of desire. And I would make sure everyone understood it as well."

Harry thought about this for a while. "You think jealousy is good?" He asked the blonde. "That acting out on a jealous rage is a declaration of affection? I think it's a sign of mistrust. Why wouldn't you let your... the object of your desire handle it? If you are with someone who only wants to be with you, it really shouldn't be a problem." Harry paused for a moment, staring at Draco intently. "Or should it?" he finally asked carefully.

"No, it shouldn't" Draco confirmed quietly. "And it isn't. I just... thought that maybe I had misunderstood" he added lamely.

Harry let his eyes wonder around the alcove for a moment, before focusing on Draco again. "I thought that I had misunderstood as well" Harry conceded softly, before looking out the window again.

Draco could have kicked himself. This was not the type of discussion he wanted to have with the gryffindor. What had he been thinking, barging in here, demanding Harry to be jealous over him? It would have been catastrophic if Harry had acted on Parkinson kissing him. It wasn't even like they were in a bloody relationship.

Draco turned a bit so his back was leaning on the doorframe. "Look, I'm sorry" he said gently. "I guess I'm just stressed. Quidditch didn't go so well." Quidditch had been normal, but he needed a good reason for his behavior.

Harry smiled at him understandingly.

"Come to the couch with me?" Draco asked.

"Sure." Harry stood up and gathered his herbology book and his robe. He walked to Draco who put his arm over his shoulder and they walked together to the couch. Harry put his things aside and they just sat there in silence for a moment, Draco's arm still over Harry's shoulders.

After a moment Harry turned his face and looked at Draco's face carefully. "Tired?" he asked him.

A smirk formed slowly on the slytherin's face. "Not too much, no" he said while leaning closer for a kiss.

Harry met him halfway. Soon both of them were frantically seeking a better position on the couch. Draco was pulling Harry's jumper off while Harry was pulling on his own tie. After a few desperate seconds Harry was jumperless and Draco pushed him on his back, laying himself on top of the gryffindor, never breaking the contact of their lips.

Harry puffed a bit and pulled something from underneath him. It was his long-forgotten herbology book. Harry tossed it aside while Draco attacked his neck. Harry moaned at his forceful attack, but all too soon Draco pulled back.

"I shouldn't have done that" Draco admitted with a sly smile.

"What? Why?" Harry thought it had been bloody brilliant.

"It's gonna leave a mark" Draco explained.

Harry instinctively put his hand on his neck where Draco had just been working on.

"You'll have to feign a sore throat and wear a scarf inside as well" Draco patronized.

"Yes, yes" Harry rolled his eyes.

Draco looked a bit offended. "This is important" he exclaimed.

Harry let his head loll lifelessly to the side. Then he faced the non-understanding blonde again. "Will you bloody get on with it?"

Draco smirked. "Well I guess now that the damage has already been done..." And he leaned in for another bite.

* * *

Many hours later Harry decided he should return to his dorm, before anyone got suspicious. Draco was going to stay at 'their room', so he was just contented on watching Harry dress when something caught his eye. Something dark on Harry's left forearm was showing from under the thin fabric of Harry's shirt. 

"What's that?" Draco asked, pointing at Harry's forearm.

Harry looked down at what Draco was pointing at. After a moment of hesitation, he put down his jumper that he was about to pull on and unbuttoned and rolled up the sleeve.

"It's a tattoo" he explained, while walking towards the couch to give Draco a better look. "I got it this summer with some money I made."

Draco took hold of Harry's arm. The tattoo was a simple golden phoenix, rising from green flames.

"From a distance, it looks like the... I thought you had the -"

"The Dark Mark" Harry helped Draco out. "I know."

"Why would you get a tattoo like that?" Draco looked up.

"Well... See, there's the phoenix." Harry pointed on the tattoo. "For me, it's a symbol of opposing Voldemort."

Draco wasn't convinced. "But still. It'll be there forever. You won't be able to get it off. You'll look at it and remember the Dark Lord and everything he has ever done to you. It's like you're marked."

"I'm already a marked man" Harry raised his other hand to his forehead.

"It's not the same thing" Draco let go of Harry arm.

"Yes it is" Harry argued, rolling down his sleeve. "Everyday, I look in the mirror and I see this scar, and I remember him. That scar symbolizes everything he has taken away from me." Harry backed away from the couch, put on his jumper and leaned on the desk of drawers. "The tattoo, that's _my_ mark, and it symbolizes everything good in my life. And with it being on my arm, there is no room for a Dark Mark. And there never will be."

Draco didn't say anything, but it was obvious he thought Harry was being foolish.

"Just... Let me keep my illusion of choice" Harry said quietly, without looking at Draco.

"What?" Draco frowned, but Harry was already putting his robe on.

"Never mind" Harry said, defeated. "I'll see you around."

With that Harry grabbed the book from the floor and left.

* * *

Title of the chapter from _Unconditional love_ by Kwan 

'I want to be with someone who only wants to be with me...' I remember that from the TV-series _Queer as Folk_ (US).

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To fallen-angel-of-repression: Yeah... kissing Cho... Well, she was crying, and he wasn't really into it, so I just didn't count it as a 'real kiss'. So I guess I'm waving the 'it's-only-a-fanfic' card. :)

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A/n: So, Harry gets a tattoo... What else is new? 


	14. Lost boys

A/n: I may be opening the Pandora's box here, but you _can_ tell me when you don't like something, as well. I won't be offended. Or maybe I will, but I promise, I won't tell you about it, 'kay? ;)

And to my new readers, welcome! I'm so glad you've decided to drop by...

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Lost boys

Harry had finally managed to get away from Ron and Hermione's questions just before lunch. They weren't really accepting his reasons for 'seeking solitude' anymore. Hermione had actually offered to help him write his potions essay, if he'd just stay in the common room, but he had turned her down. Harry guessed they were probably planning an intervention by now.

But Harry couldn't help it anymore. He wanted to spend time with Draco. It had been a Hogsmeade weekend, and Harry had spent whole Saturday with Ron and Hermione. So today Harry had jumped at the first chance he got and escaped from the common room. Now he was hurrying down the corridor, nervously glancing over his shoulder in case those crazy kids had gotten any ideas about following him.

Harry rushed in to 'their room' ...only to find it empty.

Harry sighed in his disappointment. He decided to give Draco 15 minutes or he would leave and return after lunch. Dejected, he made his way to his alcove.

Harry stopped dead in his tracks. There was a blonde slytherin sitting in his chair.

"Hullo" Harry greeted after he had recovered. "I didn't think you were here."

Draco turned his head and smiled at the gryffindor.

Harry walked behind the armchair and leaned over it's backrest, placing his hands on the armrests on Draco's both sides. "What are you doing _here_?" he asked, looking down.

Draco was looking out the window. "I was always curious why you come here" the slytherin explained. "I mean, the chair didn't look comfortable."

"It's okay" Harry assured.

"Hmm." Draco wasn't agreeing. "Eventually, I decided it must be the view. So I thought I would sit down and have an epiphany or something."

Harry smiled at this, finding that Draco's neck was looking appetizing enough today. "And how's that working for you?" he asked.

"Nothing" Draco said with an air of frustration. "You can't see anything from here. Just the bloody sky."

"Sky's good" Harry drawled, still enticed with the way the tendons moved on Draco's neck. "I like the sky."

"You like to fly" Draco said with a dismissive tone.

Harry straightened himself up before his elbows buckled from underneath him. He went to lean on the window sill in front of Draco while the slytherin followed him withhis eyes. "And you love quidditch" the blonde added almost accusingly.

Harry frowned at this. "Don't you?" he asked.

Draco looked at somewhere above Harry's head before answering. "I like the attention" he admitted. "I like competition and I like winning. Other then that, it's just a sport. I have never been passionate about anything. I probably won't ever be either."

Harry was finding that hard to believe. Draco had one of the most intense dispositions Harry knew. Like now, just sitting, or almost pouting, in that old armchair, Harry felt that the slytherin commanded the entire room. For sure, there were only two persons in said room at the moment, but it was irrelevant. Draco had the essence of... something great. He just wasn't a fighter.

"Or then maybe," Harry said softly, gaining Draco's attention, "when you finally find the object of your passion, it'll be bigger and better than the average bloke's, since it's not leaking out now towards silly games and immortal evils. You'll find that something that is all your own, and you'll realize that you are more then willing to dedicate your life to it. And you'll be able to, as well."

Draco said nothing for the longest of times, and Harry started to think that he had somehow offended him. Then Draco jumped up from the armchair, threw his arms around the gryffindor and brought their mouths crashing together.

Draco was frantically seeking Harry's tongue with his own, twisting it around and finding every last corner of Harry's cavern. He was repeatedly pushing Harry's back against the wall with his body and Harry thought he would have been bruised without Draco's arms squeezing him tight and working as bumpers.

Harry felt as if Draco was trying to tell him something, but he didn't understand. All he could do was to accept everything the blonde had to give.

When Draco finally broke their kiss, they were both panting. Draco placed his temple against Harry's and held him tight.

"Why do you have faith in me?" Draco whispered when his breathing had become regular again.

"Why wouldn't I?" Harry whispered back, as if something would be broken if he spoke too loudly.

Draco didn't say anything at first. "You know where my future lies" he finally whispered.

Harry felt his heart become heavy. This was the first time Draco had ever admitted it aloud. Well, even now the slytherin didn't say it in so many words, but yes, Harry knew what he meant.

"You don't know what will happen" Harry said, although he knew that it wasn't what Draco wanted to hear. "I'm not going to judge you on something that may or may not happen. You're still innocent."

Draco pulled back until their foreheads were resting against each other's. He looked deeply into the gryffindor's eyes. "If you wear your heart on your sleeve, you'll get hurt" he said seriously.

"I think I'd be hurt no matter where I kept my heart" Harry answered just as seriously.

Draco shook his head and, with a heavy sigh, rested his head on Harry's shoulder.

Harry stroked Draco's soft blond hair and observed the little alcove from behind Draco shoulder.

* * *

They stayed at 'their room' so long that when they finally left, they had to hurry in order to make it to lunch. 

They were speeding along the corridor when they heard footsteps and chatting from around the corner in front of them. Harry quickly shoved Draco sideways into Moaning Myrtle's bathroom.

They held their breath and waited for any signs that they had been spotted. But the chatting just went past the door and the footsteps soon died away.

The boys let out a breath.

"That was close" Harry commented and leaned against the wall for support.

Draco nodded his agreement as he realized where they were. He slowly walked to the sinks and turned around.

"Well this is a turn on…" he said as his smirk grew wide.

"The girls' bathroom turns you on?" Harry teased.

"Do you remember what happened the last time we were here?" Draco asked patiently.

Harry nodded his head slowly.

"That turns me on" Draco said with a predatory grin. "You're turning me on."

* * *

'Lost boys' of course has been a cultural symbol ever since J. M. Barrie and his Peter Pan first rocked the scene, but in order to stay true to the tradition, I'll say that the title of the chapter is from the song _Lost boys_ by 69 Eyes.

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	15. I’m not to look at you in the shoe

**I'm not to look at you in the shoe, but in the eyes**

"Oh, really?" Harry commented nervously. "I see."

Draco smiled a bit and leaned on the sink. They hadn't done anything 'under the belt' since the last time they were here. Draco had done some subtle gestures into that direction, but Harry always seemed to get so nervous. Of course, Harry had been nervous before as well, but back then it wouldn't have mattered if the gryffindor had pulled away and walked out. At least he would have tried.

But now, Draco found that he didn't want to risk Harry pulling away. The gryffindor was really the only one he had any contact with anymore at Hogwarts. He was deliberately staying away from the most obvious Death Eater trainees, because he wasn't ready to start playing that game just yet. That of course had stirred quite an uproar in the Slytherin house. 'How the mighty have fallen' was a particularly popular jeer.

All of his old 'friends' had jumped the ship. They were slytherins, after all. Crabbe and Goyle were now trailing the new top dog, but Draco couldn't really pretend he missed their company. Parkinson was drifting a bit. She had tried to flirt with him some more, they did have a history together after all, but honestly, Draco couldn't understand why she did it. He had treated the girl like shit. Maybe she was a masochist. After a few polite, but indisputable rejections, she had finally gotten the point.

So now to ruin what he had with Harry, whatever it may be, over a blowjob? Draco didn't think so.

"Yeah, I guess we could do something" Harry said and was already pulling his sweater over his head.

Draco just stared at him. 'Where the hell did this come from now?'

"Unless you don't want to." Now the gryffindor was reaching for the discarded sweater to put it back on.

Draco came to his senses at this and jumped to his feet. "No, sure I want to" he assured, walking towards the gryffindor. "I just didn't think... Never mind" he cut himself off. 'Don't fix it if it's not broken' he reminded himself.

Draco took Harry's sweater from him and put it hanging on the door handle next to the gryffindor. He took hold of the nape of Harry's neck and started slowly kissing him. He moved to Harry's jaw line and then to the neck, kissing and licking while the other hand moved to unbuckle Harry's belt.

Draco got as far as the zipper, before he could feel Harry tense. Somehow, Draco couldn't push it after that. He removed his lips from the gryffindor's neck and whispered "You have to try and relax a bit."

"I'm sorry" Harry said, clearly disappointed with himself. "I guess I'm just nervous."

"Why?" Draco prodded on gently. "It's not like I'm going to cut it off."

Harry turned his head to look at him incredulously, eyes wide open. "Wow, you really know your sweet talking."

Draco just chuckled. "I didn't realize it was sweet talking that was required here."

Harry expression became sadder again.

"Look" Draco started, slowly lifting his hand from Harry's zipper to pet his hair instead. "I think you're nervous because you don't trust me." Harry didn't say anything at this, so Draco continued on. "And you shouldn't either, but here, in this dingy bathroom, and right now, you can. I'm not going to hurt you, I just want to make you feel good."

Draco looked deeply into Harry's eyes, and Harry looked right back. Then Harry gave a little nod and a smile, and then he leaned forward to re-catch Draco's lips.

Draco waited a bit before moving his hand back to the zipper, and this time Harry didn't flinch. He then pulled the zipper down and slid his hand into Harry's boxers. He carefully took hold of Harry's manhood and started stroking it. Harry pulled from the kiss breathing heavily and leaned his head backwards against the wall, eyes closed.

But Draco decided to take it one step further, now that he had the gryffindor in such a state of relaxation. He removed his hands from Harry's neck and pants and got on his knees. Harry's head snapped upwards at this and his eyes shot open, but he didn't say anything.

Draco kept his focus on the task at hand and pulled Harry's trousers and boxers down. He glanced quickly up and smirked when he saw Harry blushing.

Draco took hold of the base and leaned forward. He had decided to try every trick he knew on Harry and the gryffindor was making a symphony of noises by now. Draco could hear and feel Harry reaching his release and he managed to be ready for it. He rose back to his feet, feeling quite good about himself.

Harry looked like he was about to topple on the floor, so Draco steadied the gryffindor by holding him against the wall.

"I'm sorry" Harry managed to say and gestured towards the white substance on the floor.

Draco lifted his eyebrows at this. "Why? It's supposed to do that."

Harry just smiled, closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall.

Draco studied the gryffindor's face from close up. Harry was flushed and sweaty, but he just looked erotic to Draco. Especially since he himself was the reason for Harry's current state.

"Feeling good?" Draco asked smiling while pushing Harry's black bangs back, exposing his forehead and the scar.

Harry just nodded blissfully and stayed still for a moment, allowing Draco to examine him. Finally he lifted his head upright, opened his eyes and looked at Draco. "What do you want me to do?"

Draco let go of Harry's bangs. "Nothing."

"No, I will" Harry assured. "Just, give me a second."

Draco didn't know what to say, so he just answered "Sure" and stepped back.

Harry grabbed hold of his arms and pulled him back. "Wait" he said urgently. "Don't go anywhere."

Draco stepped closer and gave him the moment he had asked for.

Harry took hold of the hem of Draco's sweater and started pulling it up.

"What are you doing?" Draco just had to ask.

"Do you mind?" Harry asked, but this time uncertainly.

"No." Draco smiled a bit. "I would just like to know where you're heading at."

Harry just let his hands drop to his sides. "I just wanted to… I don't know."

"It's okay" Draco assured and pulled his sweater and T-shirt over his head all at once and hung them on the door handle on top of Harry's sweater.

Harry studied Draco's chest for a moment, running his hands over the pale skin. Draco just stood still and let Harry do it. He wasn't ashamed to show some skin.

Harry lifted his eyes to meet Draco's and started slowly pulling his own shirt up. Draco helped him get it over his head and Harry let it drop on the floor.

Draco couldn't just stay passive anymore, so he brought their naked chests together and ran his hands over Harry's smooth back. Soon they were heatedly kissing again. Draco started kissing a wet trail down towards one of Harry's nipples. He had barely managed to get a lick at it when Harry reversed their positions and pushed Draco's back against the wall.

"You don't have to do it all, you know" Harry said to him seriously.

Draco just smiled at him, little unsure why the gryffindor had said such a thing. He got his answer when Harry drew a long breath and dropped to his knees. He realized that Harry thought it was his duty to return the favor now.

Draco entertained the thought of letting Harry go through with it for a while, but in the end, watching Harry open his zipper with a shaking hand, there was too much at stake. He felt a little hurt that touching him was so hard for the gryffindor, but he really wasn't turned on by the idea of Harry forcing himself to it.

"No, don't" he said pulling away from Harry's grasp, buttoning his trousers again. "I gotta go" he said quickly with a sad smile.

Draco took his clothes from the door handle and left pulling them on.

Two seconds later he burst back in, his shirts halfway on. He pulled his wand out frantically and sealed the bathroom door shut with a triple locking charm.

Then he turned to Harry, who was still on his knees on the floor.

"Bleeding Parkinson and Bullstrode" he said seriously. "And they saw me."

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Title of the chapter from _Matinée_ by Franz Ferdinand 


	16. I never said I wanted to be a man

**I never said I wanted to be a man**

Harry just stared back.

There was a soft knock on the door. "Draco, darling. Are you there?"

It was followed by heavy pounding. "Malfoy! What are you doing in the girls' bathroom?"

Draco swore quietly and looked back at Harry, obviously hoping that if they just kept quiet, the problem would solve itself.

Harry got slowly to his feet. He didn't really know what Draco was expecting him to do. He was still quite befuddled about what had happened five minutes ago. First Draco totally deserts him half-naked and embarrassed, then comes back and expects Harry to be concerned about his girlfriend finding about it.

So Harry didn't say anything, just went to retrieve his T-shirt from the floor.

Draco was pulling his sweater over his head with a panicked expression on his face.

"Draco" came a voice from outside. Harry decided it was Parkinson's. "Answer me. Why are you in there? Is there someone with you?"

Harry took his sweater from the door handle and pulled it over his head. Then he went to lean against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. He really didn't know why he wasn't more worried about this. They were cornered, after all. He looked at Draco, who was pacing in front of the door, nervously biting his nails and he felt a vindictive streak pass through him.

Draco came to a halt when he heard the girls try the _Alomohora_ on the door. Luckily, Draco's spells held their own.

"Come on, Draco" Parkinson whined. "Just tell us."

Bullstrode decided to participate. "Is it that Patil? Parvati Patil?" she shouted.

Draco seemed to loose his cool. "A bleeding Gryffindork!" he shouted through the door. "Are you bloody kidding me?"

Harry burst out laughing, but tried to stifle it with his hand. He _was_ a 'bleeding Gryffindork'.

Draco just shot him a deathly glare, which Harry promptly ignored.

A new voice was added to the mix. "What's going on in here?" a male voice asked.

"Shite, that's Nott" Draco whispered, looking even more worried now.

"Malfoy's got a girl in there" Bullstrode informed him.

"Who?" Nott asked.

"We don't know!" the two girls shrieked in unison.

"Oy, Malfoy!" Nott yelled. "Come out or we're coming in!"

"Go piss on yourself!" Draco yelled angrily.

Nott was starting to sound angry too. "If you don't open this door right now, I'm going to blast it open, you little peace of shit!"

"And Filch will have your head for it!" Draco yelled back.

"Not a bad idea." Nott sounded much calmer now. "Maybe we'll go get him now. I wonder what he'll think about you fornicating in the girls' bathroom?"

Harry was just shaking his head. He guessed he could just always open the Chamber of Secrets and hide there, but somehow the thought of sharing living quarters with a dead basilisk's remains wasn't appealing to him.

Draco glanced at Harry and hissed "Will you bloody stop that and help me?"

Harry tilted his head to the side irritatingly. "Oh, I don't know" he drawled. "The way you're digging the ground from underneath our feet, we'll be in China in no time at all."

"Bloody hilarious" Draco commented with a sardonic smile and lifted his index and middle fingers at the gryffindor.

"What are expecting me to do?" Harry hissed. "Shout 'Yeah, Draco's telling you the truth. There's no-one here except him!'?"

Draco breathed deeply. "No. I want you to come here" he said grabbing Harry by the wrist and pulling him to his side. "Now, on the count of three, you lift the spells and pull the door open and I _Stupefy_ them."

"You'll get in trouble for it" Harry whispered.

"They're slytherins, I'm a slytherin" Draco explained. "They won't tell anyone anything because that would make us loose house points."

"They'll be mad" Harry whispered seriously, meaning the three slytherins pounding on the door and yelling profanities.

"For not telling who was here with me? They'll get over it" Draco whispered back. "Just stay behind the door so that they don't see you."

Harry nodded and they moved to position. On the count of three, Harry pulled the door open, hiding behind it, and Draco stunned the three surprised slytherins.

* * *

"I better get going" Harry said finally, stepping over the stunned bodies on the threshold. 

Draco was observing his handiwork and glanced up nodding. Then he looked up again. "Potter, wait" he called after the gryffindor. "Come back. You look like you have just been at it with someone in the girls' bathroom."

Harry turned around and looked down at himself, but he thought he was looking just fine. Maybe not tidy, but fine. Nevertheless, he started tucking his shirt in his pants obediently.

Draco stepped up to him in order to help. "After I release these three, the rumor that I was doing it with someone will be all over the school. And if you go around looking like this, someone might put two and two together."

Harry highly doubted it but let Draco pet his hair anyway.

"Bloody hell, isn't there anything you can do about this mop?" Draco demanded frustrated.

"No" Harry answered, still a bit peeved. "Besides it would look more conspicuous, if it were tidy all of sudden."

"Ah" Draco exclaimed, and immediately seized with his efforts, letting his hands drop to his side.

Harry glanced over Draco's shoulder at the immobile bodies. "If this turns out poorly, I'm not coming forward."

"You better fucking not" Draco answered seriously.

Harry let a heavy breath out. "Fine" he said tiredly and turned on his heels and walked away.

He heard Draco call "What?" after him, but he just waved back without turning around and kept on walking.

* * *

Title of the chapter from _The air near my fingers_ by The White Stripes 

The whole bathroom scene was inspired by the movie _Fucking Åmål_ by Lukas Moodysson. I hope nobody was offended. It is a tribute, nothing else.

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To RayneWolf: Thanks for the heads up. I'll try to be careful. 


	17. An unfortunate slight

A/n: Thank you, once again, for all of you who have been reading and reviewing. Oh, how I'd really love to sit down and discuss the finer points of the story with you guys, and the finer points of life too while we're at it, but alas, 'tis not the proper forum for it. But I hear you, and I know what you are saying... Just remember the one thing we all agreed on from the very beginning: this story was just a wee bit different, no? ;)

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An unfortunate slight

Monday night Harry walked into 'their room' only to find Draco already there with a book on his lap.

Draco didn't look up as Harry walked in, so Harry didn't say anything either. Instead he just walked to the desk of drawers and hopped on it.

"So" Harry started after the wobbling had stopped. "Why did you leave me alone in there, half-naked and on my knees?"

Last night, at bed, Harry had come to the conclusion that there was something fishy going on. Why would Draco stop him from returning the favor? Could the slytherin see just from looking at him that he was no good at it?

After a moment of hesitation, Draco closed his book, put it aside and looked up. "Yeah, sorry" he said, expressionless. "Look, I shouldn't have pushed you like that. You didn't want to do... that. You told me from the start, but... Well, I wanted to, so I went for it."

"I know what I said" Harry stated carefully. "But things have changed. I know you better now. And I really like -"

Draco looked at him pointedly. "You like to kiss, maybe a little touching" he said, cutting Harry off. "I know. But what I'm talking about is a bit more then cuddling."

"I know" Harry replied. Draco just looked at him without saying anything. "What, you think I'm so gryffindor you can play me like a flute and I won't realize a thing?" Harry scrunched his face a bit at that. "That sounded strange" he muttered staring out the window.

Then he looked back at Draco only to find the blonde staring at him with an incredulous expression.

Harry sighed and said "So you're using intimacy to get sex and I'm trading sex for intimacy."

Draco shut his mouth that had been forgotten open for a moment and thought about what Harry had said. "I'm still the bad guy here" he finally said. "Oh, please" he exclaimed at Harry's doubtful look. "You want intimacy. That's like rain drops and puppies. I want sex. That's like -"

"Like normal" Harry argued. "Look, it's not like I'm not getting anything out of the sex part."

Draco just smiled smugly at that.

Harry took a long breath. "So, without further ado..."

With that, Harry jumped off the desk of drawers and dropped himself on the floor between Draco's legs. He had already opened Draco's belt buckle, before Draco managed to get anything out of his mouth.

"Wait a second" Draco said quickly, taking hold of Harry's wrist.

"Just let me do this, will you?" Harry exclaimed, desperate. If Draco didn't quit hassling him, he was going to loose his nerve again. "I'm never going to get any good at it, if you don't let me try."

"Yes, I'm going to let you do it, if you want it so bad" Draco said, making Harry blush. "But you can't just hop in and grab it. Come on" he added and pulled Harry sitting on the couch next to him.

The slytherin thought about it for a moment. "First, you kiss" he then said, and leaned forward for a long, sweet kiss.

"Then, you touch" he added and gently rubbed Harry's crotch, making the boy gasp and his manhood twitch pleasantly. This was followed with another long, sweet kiss.

"And then, you improvise" he concluded and did nothing, just stared Harry in the eyes, waiting for the gryffindor's move.

Harry only hesitated for a moment, before he pulled his jumper over his head and took his tie off. Then he proceeded to help Draco do the same, before he pushed the blonde boy on his back on the couch, laying himself on top.

He started kissing the slytherin, slowly and carefully, and enjoying the feeling when Draco pulled the hem of his shirt from his trousers and touched the bare skin on his back. Then he pulled up and straddled the blonde and started unbuttoning Draco's shirt one button at a time. He exposed the pale chest completely before him. Then he leaned forward and started kissing and licking, first a bit shyly, but after Draco moaned his approval, with more confidence. Harry found that Draco's nipples were extra sensitive, especially for biting.

Sitting there on Draco's stomach, looking down at the slytherin, with his blond hair making a beautiful halo around his head, Harry decided that he was safe for now. With that in mind, Harry started going backwards until he was between Draco's legs again. He reached for the zipper and pulled it down and this time, Draco didn't stop him.

Harry pulled Draco's trousers and boxers gently down to mid-thigh. He almost forgot what he was doing, while he was carefully examining the member before him, curious. Only when he ran a soft hand by it's length, making Draco hiss, did he remember the point of the whole thing.

Blushing red, Harry quickly glanced at Draco, but the blonde had his eyes tightly shut, still panting from the tiny movements Harry was doing with his hand. Harry decided to just get on with it. Draco moaned loudly at Harry's initiative.

Harry quickly found a good pace and stuck to it. He vaguely remembered Draco touching other places while doing this to him, and he tried to copy the slytherin's earlier moves. Even though Draco gave a few appreciative moans at this, Harry quickly gave up. He didn't know what he was doing, so it just felt stupid.

Instead he concentrated on the main event. He managed it quite well, if Draco's wild trashing was anything to go by. Harry had to hold him down from his hips in order to keep him still.

"I i aa-ih?" he tried to ask the blonde, but only got a "Bloody hell, Harry!" as an answer. "O-i" he mumbled apologetically, making Draco groan a breathless "Fuck!".

Soon Draco came shooting in Harry's mouth. Harry was a bit surprised, he had somehow managed to forget about this part of the process, but successfully swallowed it all. He carefully tucked Draco into his trousers, like the slytherin had done to him and retreated to corner of the couch, waiting for Draco to say something.

After a moment of breathing deeply, Draco started buttoning his shirt closed, turning his attention to Harry. "You didn't have to do that, you know."

"What, this?" Harry said motioning to his mouth. "I know. But I wasn't going to spit it somewhere here. Like you said, we share this space regularly" Harry explained. "Besides, I didn't mind" he added truthfully.

After a moment of silence, Draco lifted his arms invitingly to Harry. The gryffindor accepted the invitation, and laid back down, half on top of Draco.

"Actually, that was kind of fun" Harry admitted sheepishly.

Draco just chuckled a bit and they fell into a comfortable silence.

* * *

Title of the chapter from _Uninvited_ by Alanis Morissette. Yes, she's back. Don't know why... 

I realized Harry actually says the title of the story in this chapter, and I thought this would be a good time for me to give the appropriate credits for it. It's actually from the Bob Dylan song _Things have changed_. Months ago, the line 'I used to care, but things have changed' popped into my mind, for some reason. I started imagining a story, that was a whole different story from this one... And in the end I just decided to keep true to the original source of inspiration. That's why this story has such a irrelevant name, because honestly, what the fuck? Nothing had changed!

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To fifespice: Thanks for the reviews. Quite the task, eh? 


	18. Come and hold my hand

**Come and hold my hand, I wanna contact the living**

Draco glanced over his transfiguration essay on his lap. "You like chocolate ice-cream" he tried.

Harry slowly shook his head, while finishing a sentence on his divination essay. "Nope" he said after he was finished and looked up. "Vanilla."

Draco snorted. "Figures" he muttered before going back to his essay.

Harry continued to stare the top of Draco's head, contemplating. "You play the piano" he finally said.

Draco didn't look up but shook his head.

"The cello?" Harry tried again.

This time Draco looked up. "Close" he admitted. "I used to take violin lessons."

Harry smiled at this admission.

"I hated it" Draco continued. "My mother..." Draco did a dismissive wave with his hand as if it explained it all.

"Why do I get this strong image of little Draco Malfoy, standing on a footstool with a tiny violin in hand, moaning and bitching about it?" Harry said with a smile.

"I controlled my disgust for the vile instrument quite fine" Draco said with a sneer. "And I most certainly did not stand on any stool."

"I wonder where that came from" Harry pondered. "It must be from that one time when we were having our robes fitted at Madam Malkin's. The image of you, standing on a footstool, moaning and bitching, must be engraved in my mind for all eternity."

The boys smiled a moment at each other. "You really like saying that, don't you?" Draco said.

"What?" Harry asked innocently. "'Moaning and bitching', you mean?"

Draco just rolled his eyes. "Now you tell me an embarrassing story from your childhood and we're even."

The smile died from Harry's lips. "I don't have a story" he said quietly and went back to his essay.

"You didn't do _anything_ embarrassing as a child" Draco carried on, doubtful.

Sure Harry had embarrassing memories, but they weren't cute-embarrassing, they were shameful-embarrassing. Not any memories Harry wanted to share with Draco, anyway.

"No tap-dancing? No dressing up in your aunt's clothes?" Draco kept on going, determined to get Harry admit something. "Nothing?"

"No, nothing!" Harry finally gave up hunching over his essay. He stood forcefully up and the parchment rolled on to the floor, along with his quill. "I didn't have any embarrassing hobbies, because I didn't have _any_ hobbies" he explained, walking to the desk of drawers. He took a big breath, trying to calm himself. Then he faced Draco and said with a much calmer voice "I did my chores and for the rest of the time I was locked in my cupboard, 'keeping the hell away from their sight'."

Draco didn't say anything.

Harry studied the slytherin for a moment. "You made your point, okay?" he said. "I shouldn't have made fun of you playing violin, because I wouldn't want anyone making fun of my childhood either."

At this, Draco rolled his parchment and put it on the floor next to his inkwell. Then he laid down on the couch on his side, and propped his head up on his hand. "Harry, come here" he said gently. Harry didn't move. If it was pity that Draco was offering he didn't want it.

Draco waited for a moment and then said "I wasn't trying to make a point. I didn't know what your childhood was like."

Harry realized it was true. 'Since when have I started to believe the world revolves around me?' he asked himself, truly perplexed.

Harry left the desk of drawers and went to lie down on his back next to the slytherin. Draco immediately slid his hand under Harry's jumper and started tracing little patterns on his belly through the soft material of Harry's shirt.

"Your muggle family, they locked you in a cupboard?" Draco asked carefully.

Harry didn't say anything, just stared at the ceiling, but nodded nevertheless.

"Did they abuse you?" Draco asked after a moment.

"No" Harry replied in a hoarse voice, still keeping his focus on the ceiling. "Uncle Vernon was a bit rough sometimes, but he didn't hit me." The words came out surprisingly easy.

Draco stopped with the little patterns and laid the whole palm of his hand flat on Harry's belly. "Did they mentally abuse you?" Draco finally asked.

This time Harry turned his face to Draco, unsure what he was talking about.

"Did they ever belittle you?" Draco explained. "Did they threaten you? Did they make you feel unavailing, unwanted or unloved?"

Harry quickly faced the other way in order to hide the shameful tears in his eyes. He pushed his glasses on his forehead and covered his eyes with his hand, trying to calm his breath. When he finally felt under control again, he tried to inconspicuously dry his cheeks with the back of his hand. He couldn't face Draco.

He felt Draco's hand leave his belly and appear on his cheek, wiping off some of the wetness that had lingered there. "'Boys don't cry'" Draco said softly while doing this. "That's what my father always told me when I was sad. 'Boys don't cry.'"

Harry slowly turned his head. Draco put his glasses on properly and the world came to focus again. Harry looked at Draco, but the blonde only shrugged a bit.

"I'm sorry about your childhood, though" Draco said.

"It wasn't so bad" Harry said bravely. Draco said nothing. "I could always imagine that my parents would miraculously come and take me away from the Dursleys, bring me home and love me forever. Well, they didn't... Obviously" Harry said with a sad smile. "But Hagrid came. And he brought me home. To Hogwarts."

"Well that was a bit anticlimactic" Draco commented.

Harry shot him a glare. "He's really a nice man" he said a bit angrily. "He would never hurt a fly... I don't understand why you have to be so mean to someone who's so harmless."

"I don't know" Draco said, irritated. "I don't like him. He's slow and smelly. And he puts the entire student body in risk on a daily basis."

"So you're just acting out of concern for your peers" Harry said mockingly. "I'm touched."

"It's not like it's anything personal, per se" Draco admitted, sounding bored. "Magical creatures is just a really boring class, so I spice it up a bit. It's not like it's a big thing. I could just as easily be doing something else."

"So why don't you ease up a bit on the despising everything and everyone I hold dear, hm?" Harry coaxed. "I won't tell anyone..."

Draco rolled his eyes. "I hate it when you try to make me into a better person."

A wicked smile appeared on Harry's face. "What?" Draco asked a bit hesitatingly.

Harry chuckled a bit. "I love it when you try to make me bad."

Draco didn't say anything first. "Sometimes I think that I'll corrupt you" he finally said without looking directly at Harry. "And then the flowers will stop blossoming and the birds will stop singing" he added dramatically.

"You're really not as evil as you think you are" Harry said, dismissive. "I know that deep down, you're just a softie."

Draco looked appalled. "That... I resent that."

"Well, see here" Harry demonstrated. "You're hair is soft." Harry ran a hand through Draco's blond hair. "You're lips are soft." He traced Draco's lips with his finger. "And..." Harry brought his hand under Draco's jumper and unbuttoned one of the button's on Draco's shirt. "You're skin is soft" Harry concluded, while caressing the skin on Draco's belly with the back of his hand.

"You're so corny" Draco said, shaking his head disapprovingly.

Harry just smiled and Draco leaned down to kiss him.

* * *

Draco pulled back and rested his head on his bent arm. Harry was laying silently in front him, looking at the ceiling again. He hadn't given much thought to Harry's childhood, but never in a million years would he have imagined that the Boy Who Lived had been mistreated. 

Draco remembered what it was like, growing up in the wizarding world, post Harry Potter. The Dark Lord's 'demise' had been a bit of a taboo in the Malfoy Manor. Lucius Malfoy had had a hard time convincing the authorities to let them get on with their lives.

Draco had always felt guilty about it, like he was betraying his father, but he used to pretend he had an imaginary friend in 'Harry Potter'. That Harry Potter had been nothing like the real one. He had been loyal to Draco, but also naughty and reckless, always causing trouble for Draco. When he ever got into trouble, he would always blame it on Harry Potter.

Another memory came to his mind as he lay there, thinking about what Harry had just told him. "You were like the Invisible Child" he said aloud.

Harry faced Draco, brows furrowed. "What?" he asked.

"I just remembered a story I was told when I was little" Draco said slowly, trying to remember the details. "About a little girl, who had to live with her aunt, or someone. The aunt didn't like her, and she was always mean to the little girl. But there are only so many times you can scare a child. Finally the child became invisible."

Harry looked Draco seriously in the eye, as if trying to figure something out. "So what happened to her?" he asked.

Draco thought about it for a moment. "Well, it all ended well" he assured. "She moved in with a new, loving family. Little by little, she became visible again, all except her face. That finally became visible when she got really mad and bit the tail of her adoptive father..."

Harry's eyebrows shot up. "The tail?"

Draco chuckled a bit. "I know, I can't really remember why he had a tail" he admitted.

"What a weird story" Harry said finally. "Who told it to you?"

"I think it was my nanny" Draco said. "Mamman, that's what her name was" he paused a bit at this. "Or that's what I called her, anyway" he added pensively. "I can't believe I had forgotten about her. She was... nice. Then she just disappeared. Nobody ever told me where she went."

Draco was lost in memories for a moment, then he refocused on Harry. "That story, it used to really freak me out when I was little" he said seriously. "Imagine becoming invisible. They had to tie a bell around her neck to know where she was..." Draco paused for a moment before continuing. "It said that the aunt was terribly ironic. The things she said to the little girl... I remember having thought that she sounded awfully like my father. I didn't want to become invisible."

Harry had a shy smile on his face when he said "Well, you didn't."

Draco returned the smile. It was true, he had never been invisible.

Harry looked back up to the ceiling. "I think I did" he said softly.

Draco kept quiet for a moment. "So are you visible now?" he asked.

Harry thought about it. "I think so" he replied. "I haven't yet gotten to the point where I'm so angry that I'd pull on Dumbledore's beard or something, but I've been close." Harry smiled a bit lopsidedly like he was remembering something. "No, I think I'm only invisible to the Dursleys anymore, but that's okay. I don't need them to see me anymore. I have other people for that in my life now" Harry said with a soft smile to the ceiling.

* * *

Title of the chapter from _Feel_ by Robbie Williams 

Draco refers to the short story _The Invisible Child_ by Tove Jansson. The adoptive father, like the whole family were Moomin-trolls, that's why they had a tail.

* * *

A/n: Thank you for reviewing, once again. I really appreciate it! 


	19. I’m the King of the bongo

**I'm the King of the bongo, King of the bongo bong**

Draco was moodily glaring out the window. It was November, and raining. He hated November. What a lousy month.

He started quietly singing, leaning his forehead against the cool window. Actually he was more like half humming and half mumbling.

"_Je vouldrais que tu te ramènes devant, _

_que tu sois là de temps en temps. _

_Et je vouldrais, _

_que tu te rappelles notre amour est éternel et pas artificiel._"

He had been humming the same thing over and over again for some time, when he realized that he was not alone. He looked over his shoulder. "Hey, I didn't think you were coming tonight" he said to the gryffindor.

"I still have that divination essay to finish" Harry said, waving the roll of parchment in his hand. "What were you singing?"

Draco turned from the window and leaned on the window sill. "It's just a song I heard a few summers ago" Draco explained. "They were constantly playing it in France."

"I didn't know you speak French" Harry said.

Draco just shrugged. "I learned some before Hogwarts."

Harry nodded his head and asked "So what was the song about?"

"What is it always?" Draco said, crossing his arms over his chest, still a bit moody. "Love. And miserable people."

Harry frowned at this.

"'I would like you to come back to the front, that you would be there from time to time. And I would like you to remember that our love is for ever and not artificial'" Draco translated.

"That doesn't sound so bad" Harry commented.

Draco thought about it for a moment. "I translated it badly" he finally stated. "It wasn't 'I'd like' but 'I'd wish'. He wishes she would phone him more often. It's pretty apparent that she hasn't been doing that lately." Draco paused for a moment, re-grouping his thoughts. "It's so pathetic. The song is so desperate and the singer sounds manic. I don't ever want to be in that kind of state because of somebody else."

Harry wasn't fazed. "You don't think it's 'better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all'?" he asked.

Draco observed Harry for a moment. "You don't believe that either" he finally accused.

"Maybe" Harry admitted after a pause. "But I do believe that there's no point in trying to hide your heart away from heartbreak, 'cause loneliness will do the same damage to it anyway. That's from a song as well..."

With that, Harry turned and started to make his way towards the alcove. Then suddenly he came to a halt and faced Draco once more. "Wait! You know what phoning is?" he demanded curious.

Draco sighed. "Yes" he said. "The wizards in France are actually more integrated with the muggle world than here in England. The best hotels on the Côte d'Azur are run by muggles, so one has to check in as a muggle."

Harry crossed his arms as well. "Bummer" he commented, sarcastic.

Draco sneered at Harry's tone. "I guess they'll do as servants" he said.

"So what do you think about telephones?" Harry asked challengingly.

"Never used one" Draco replied rigidly. "They seem pretty complicated. And ridiculous. People walking around in the streets, talking to themselves" he added with an air of contempt.

"Nevertheless" Harry persisted. "Muggles are able to communicate with each other, any time, anywhere. They have created amazing innovations to ease their lives, and they have done it without magic. I think that deserves our respect."

"Yes yes, good for them." Draco doubted the accomplishment was so great. "But still, they are not magical. And that means they are and they always will be, below us."

"And muggles, for the most part, want nothing to do with magic, since it's so unnatural..." Harry countered.

"That's one more proof of their stupidity" Draco replied easily. "They should be bowing down to us."

"They don't think so" Harry said. "Actually, I think they'd rather blast us with an atomic bomb, than to bow to us."

Draco was getting aggravated. Talking about filthy muggles always did it for him. "Well bring it on. We have magic that is more powerful and more precise than any bomb."

"Well isn't that just swell" Harry mocked. "We'll just fight it to the end." He uncrossed his arms with a sigh and concentrated at the floor in front of him. "Muggles are not stupid, neither are wizards. Individuals who can't or won't see outside their own limited way of life, are stupid." Harry lifted his eyes to meet Draco's and the blonde could see them shining with tears. "People like you."

Harry walked away to his alcove. Draco hesitated for a moment, but followed the gryffindor.

"What is it?" Draco asked Harry, who was now sitting in his chair looking out the window.

Harry looked angrily at Draco. "My life and the lives of many others have been ruined because that power-grabbing arsehole decided to cash in on pure-bloods' prejudices" he started, vexed, but then he lost his thunder. "And I… I wish it weren't so" he finished somewhat lamely. He looked almost pleading when he said to Draco "You are part of the new generation, why won't you just give up the hate?"

Draco looked at Harry's gentle face, and he almost wished he could say what the gryffindor wanted to hear. Instead he stated with a vacant expression "Because there's nothing in it for me."

Harry stared at him disappointedly for a moment, before he redirected his gaze out the window. "Right" he whispered.

Draco left Harry to it and went to sit on the couch. He sat there with his book on his lap, but his mind wasn't on his homework. Since when had hating muggles become such a sinister thing? Why wasn't it okay to despise those arrogant bastards who hated everything that they didn't understand? Wizards had accepted it all. The hate and the killings. Living in these sodding, hidden wizarding communities practically underground, like being magical was something to be ashamed of! Wizards should be ruling the world, not muggles.

A voice startled him from his thoughts. "You think all muggles should be killed then."

Harry was standing at the entrance, leaning on the doorframe.

"Not killed necessarily" Draco answered truthfully. "But I do think they should be shown their proper place."

"And that is underneath you" Harry concluded.

"Underneath us wizards, yes" Draco replied.

Harry stood up straight and corrected "I'm not pure-blooded. _I_ am not worthy" and went back to his alcove.

* * *

Title of the chapter from _Bongo Bong_ by Manu Chao

The song Draco is humming is _J't'emmène au vent_ by Louise Attaque


	20. Are you still having fun?

**Now you're having fun... Are you still having fun?**

Harry was sitting in the Gryffindor common room with Ron and Hermione. It had been a long time since he had willingly spent a night away from 'their room' and Draco.

Harry and Ron were playing chess while Hermione was reading a huge book about something fascinating, Harry was sure. Harry was having troubles concentrating at the game at hand. His mind kept on drifting to the day before, and to the argument he had had with Draco. It wasn't Draco's opinions that were hurting, really. They saddened him of course, but he had already known that Draco hated muggles and even that he was planning on eventually joining Voldemort's ranks.

What really scared him, though, was the way he was feeling right now. He didn't want Draco to become a Death Eater and the thought of it happening was almost making him cry. He was scared that he was starting to have feelings for Draco. Serious feelings, something more then friendship or a simple attraction. He was scared about what it meant.

"Hey Hermione" Harry called to the bushy-haired girl. "Is it true that wizards are more in contact with muggles in France?"

Hermione looked up from her book and frowned. "I... I'm not sure. I was there with my parents, so I didn't get to visit any wizarding communities" she admitted, disappointed in her lack of knowledge.

"But while you were there, did you maybe see more wizards walking around among muggles or something?" Harry tried again.

"Oh, I wasn't really paying attention" she answered. She was thinking for a moment before she said "Sometimes I saw people with horribly miss-matching clothes, but... It could just be people with a horrible sense of fashion" she said apologetically. "Why do you ask?"

"I just wondered about other countries and their wizard-muggle relations" Harry said. "I mean, we had Voldemort, but maybe in other countries the evolution took another path."

Ron decided to voice his opinion. "Bill told me that in some areas of the world, wizard are completely integrated and respected members of the tribe. But their magic is different from ours."

"What do you mean?" Harry asked, curious.

"Well, they concentrate more on potions and maybe charms" Ron explained. "They don't usually know or use any offensive magic. I guess it's because they don't use wands. I mean, aiming a hex without a wand could be a tricky business."

Harry was confused. "So how do they do charms without a wand?"

"They concentrate" Hermione stated simply to answer Harry's question. "Why do you look so surprised?" she asked Harry. "I'm sure you have used wandless magic some time. At least when you were a child, before you got your wand."

"All wizards can do wandless magic, but using a wand is easier" Ron explained. "Usually children are more adopt to it, since they don't even have a wand. But with time it usually becomes harder to do since adults use their wand constantly and not their mind."

Harry leaned back on the chair, contemplating. "I think I did wandless magic last summer" He said to Ron and Hermione. "I was practicing a curse one night in a nearby park in Little Whinging. I couldn't use my wand, obviously, so I just picked up a dry branch and used it to practice the wand movement. Suddenly a shot of magic burst out and hit the ground. It started a small fire" he added a little sheepishly.

"So what happened then?" Hermione asked.

"Nothing" Harry shrugged. "I panicked. I was sure the Ministry was going to expel me from Hogwarts this time. But nobody ever contacted me about it. No letter, no howler, no nothing. I didn't push my luck and try again, though."

* * *

Draco walked in to the dusty room and immediately realized that Harry was already there. The Gryffindor had not come at all the night before, and he hadn't warned him about it either. Draco suspected it had something to do with the argument they had Thursday night. The slytherin wasn't sorry about what he had said, but he was glad that Harry had come back.

He walked to the alcove's entrance and leaned on the doorframe, taking in the sight before him. Harry was sitting in his big armchair, leaning forward with his forearms on his knees, staring at a goblet sitting on the window sill.

As Draco stood there, the goblet started to shake and clatter. After a moment, the movement died away.

"What are you doing?" Draco asked the now panting gryffindor.

Harry snapped his head up to look at Draco. He smiled enthusiastically before answering "Wandless magic."

Draco looked at the goblet and then back to Harry. "Why?" he asked bluntly.

Harry's smile faltered a bit. "Why not?" he replied with a question.

"Because there's no point to it" Draco said, more harshly then he had meant. "You have your wand. It's more precise and sophisticated. Wandless magic is for children and barbarians."

Harry looked profoundly hurt, and Draco regretted his words, but he didn't show it. He knew he was right.

Harry expression turned from hurt to anger.

"What would you be loosing by just allowing me to have my happiness?" Harry asked in a low voice, now looking at the immobile goblet again. "I was really exited about this."

The gryffindor stood up. "With a few lousy sentences you managed to crush it like a bug."

He turned his attention to Draco and walked towards him. He halted only when his face was a few inches away from Draco's. The slytherin just stood up straight and focused, expressionless, on a spot on the right side of Harry's head.

"Does it make you feel powerful?" Harry was barely containing his anger now. "You have no right. Don't stomp on my joy" he whispered.

Draco coolly met his gaze, but didn't say anything. They glared at each other for a minute, before Harry backed a few steps.

"I understand you didn't want to be the Invisible Child, but you don't have to be the bloody aunt either" Harry spitted out with more contempt Draco had imagined he could ever muster and stormed out the door.

* * *

Draco stood there, staring at the door that had been slammed shut five minutes before. Finally he lifted his chin up and glanced around the room. His eyes finally landed on the goblet, sitting forgotten on the window sill. He glared at it like it was the bane of his existence.

He flipped his wand out and pointed it on the goblet. One _Accio_ later it was in his hand. He studied it for a moment with disdain and then proceeded on throwing it across the room with all his might.

* * *

Title of the chapter from _Are you still having fun?_ By Eagle-Eye Cherry

The image of Harry practicing wandless magic was strongly influenced by Roald Dahl's novel, _Matilda_.

* * *

A/n: Oh, wow! Here we are, at chapter 20. I know how many chapters there are left... you don't... ;)

Once again, thank you to everyone who has been reading and reviewing. I really like those authors who comment on every review they get. That's nice. Now I'm kind of wishing I had started on that tradition from the beginning... Anyway, what I wanted to say is that I'm still seeing you. You have good questions, but I can't really answer them. Some of the answers would require me telling about the story's future, and others are just open for interpretation.

Now, I wouldn't want to be doing this, especially on such short notice, but I'm leaving town and I won't be updating for some time. This isn't really a place I would want to be leaving you, but oh well, tant pis. I'm not sure when I'll be back, but there's the 16th anyway. I'll probably start updating after we have all had a moment to devour the 'half-blood prince'. I hope you won't forget this story completely!

HP6, I can't wait! I'll see you on the other side!

Yucatan Handbook


	21. I’ve seen the future, baby

A/n: So, here we are again. HP6, huh? I... It... Damn. When did reading Harry Potter become so painful?

I must say, I'm feeling a bit weird about continuing with the updates. I always knew I'd rather havethis story published before HBP came out, but... There are going to be things in this story that may seem pointless or idiotic to you now, but you'll just have to try to remember it was written before we had this new canon, all right? I'm not going tomodify the story and you'll just have to bear with me.

In the end, this is a slash story about Harry and Draco, above anything else and, I think it's safe to presume, that will never be canon (no matter how much one would like to see it and read more than there is to Rowling's scenes...).

One more thing ("yeah yeah, get on with it," you say), everyone noticed that I posted two chapters before leaving, right? Good.

Now, let's go.

**

* * *

**

I've seen the future, baby: It is murder

Harry finished dressing up and started packing his things away with a sigh. It was Thursday night and the Gryffindor quidditch practice was over. Harry hadn't gone back to 'the room' since Saturday. He hadn't spoken with Draco either, even though Gryffindor had met Slytherin in the first quidditch game of the season the previous Sunday. The two seeker's had simply played the game, chased the Golden Snitch and went their separate ways.

Originally, Harry had been royally pissed with Draco, but soon his anger had faded. He wanted to go back, but he was scared. Scared, because this separation was driving him insane. He sometimes missed Draco so bad; missed his company, even though the bloke was a total prat. On a night like this, when it was wet and cold, it would have been nice to go up to the second floor and just... anything.

"You coming, Harry?" Ron was already standing by the door.

"Yeah" Harry mumbled, heaving his bag over his shoulder.

* * *

The two gryffindors were making their way towards the staircase on the second floor, chatting about quidditch. Harry was the first to notice Draco Malfoy standing on the bottom of the staircase, obviously waiting for something. Harry walked closer cautiously. 

"Malfoy, what are you doing here?" Ron was already shouting before they were close enough to talk.

"I have no obligations to tell you, Weasel" Draco said, irritated.

"You watch your mouth, Ferret." Ron was already clenching his fist.

"Or you'll what, turn completely red?" Draco mocked.

Harry didn't want to be here. He didn't want to be this close to Draco and he didn't want to hear Ron and Draco insult each other. Most of all, he didn't want to be included in the fight.

"You Death Eater scum" Ron growled.

"You're such a bloody waste of my time" Draco countered, clearly angry. He quickly glanced at Harry, who was looking at the walls with interest. "Look, even the Boy-who-lived-to-die-of-boredom-thanks-to-you is zoning out."

Ron was looking at Harry too. "Harry. HARRY!"

Harry realized there was two pairs of eyes on him. He quickly turned his attention to Ron. "What? Oh, sorry mate." He looked over to Draco and then back to Ron. "Yeah, I'm with you. You show him. Go team Weasley!" Harry shoved a pitiful fist in the air.

Draco burst out laughing. Ron looked insulted.

"Ron, he wasn't even doing anything to you" Harry tried to reason. "I won't pick on him for merely existing."

Draco's laugh died away and he eyed Harry coolly. "I don't need you defending me."

Harry merely shrugged. "Come on, Ron." The two gryffindors started making their way up the stairs.

"Potter!" Draco called after them. Harry turned around to see Draco standing on the bottom of the stairs, looking up. "Professor Snape wants a word with you."

Harry looked silently down at Draco and the slytherin looked right back.

"What is it now?" Ron murmured. "You want me to come with you?"

"No" Harry said simply. "Can you take my bag?"

"Sure, mate." Ron heaved Harry's bag over his other shoulder and started climbing the stairs. Harry followed Draco to the dungeons.

* * *

They didn't go too deep underground before Draco chose a dark side corridor. They walked all the way to the end of it. 

Draco took his wand out and cast a faint _Lumos_. "I doubt anyone will come here, but we have to keep are voices down" Draco said with a quiet voice.

Harry didn't say anything, just nodded.

Draco drew a long breath, closing his eyes for a moment. "I'm sorry about what I said" he said, and opened his eyes, looking at Harry. "For what I did. I don't want to be the aunt, or like my father, but sometimes it's just easier."

Harry frowned. "What is?"

"To belittle" Draco said seriously.

Harry thought about it. "I don't think it's easier" he said. "Not in the long run, anyway. It might be faster, funnier and more safe, but in the end, you'll just be like Snape" Harry finished sourly.

"The aunt, my father and professor Snape, all at once." Draco pretended to be pensive. "How did I ever manage that?"

Harry smiled a bit at that.

Draco became serious again. "I know I don't really have the right to ask this, all things considered" he said, carefully watching Harry. "But I miss y-, your company. Would you just come back?"

He didn't have to clarify what he meant. 'All things considered indeed' Harry thought as he shook his head sadly.

"Why are you doing this?" Harry whispered, without looking directly at Draco. "Don't you understand? You're so lucky. You have it all. The world is truly your oyster." Harry fixed his eyes on Draco's. "You don't have to do this. Take your money, marry the pure-blooded girl, or half-blooded or muggle. It doesn't matter. See the world or retreat to a remote island and have dozens of babies" he whispered heatedly, eyes pleading for assent. "You don't have to be here."

Draco stared right back. "No, you don't understand" he replied. "I can't just get up and leave. The money you're talking about is my father's. I can't just take it. And even if I could, I wouldn't" he said without looking away. "I wouldn't just leave my family. I will remain loyal to my father, even if he is rotting in prison."

"And does he expect you to show your loyalty by following him there?" Harry asked viciously.

"No, I think he'd prefer I didn't get caught" Draco replied coolly.

Harry sneered at this. "Yes, he'd prefer you didn't get caught while helping a mutant monster seize power." Harry sighed and studied Draco's features. "Why does your family bow to him?"

Draco backed a few steps and leaned tiredly against the wall. He dropped his wand hand to his side, leaving his face partly in the shadow. "Harry, Dumbledore is not going to win this war" Draco said seriously. "The Dark Lord, he's immortal. That means he's unstoppable. He will, like you said, seize power." Draco paused before he continued. "And when that day comes, the Malfoys will be on his good side. After that, we will be the most important family of them all."

Harry sighed again. "You are mistaken" he said gently. "After Voldemort's rise to power, there will only be Voldemort and his minions. Like it's always been. Voldemort won't have anyone gaining so much power that his dictatorship could ever be questioned." Harry came closer to Draco. "Your family may be in a prestigious position right now thanks to Voldemort, but I doubt it will last. After all resistance has been defeated, he won't need you or anybody else. Your family is in the same boat as the rest of us. You have nothing to gain, but everything to lose, if Voldemort makes it."

Draco said nothing. Harry could see from the blonde's face that he wasn't agreeing with him.

"So why are you here?" Draco asked, narrowing his eyes. "You, above everybody else, know the Dark Lord's terror. Why don't you take the famous Potter inheritance, that actually belongs to you I might add, and retreat to that remote island?"

Harry wasn't really surprised that Draco knew about his money. Draco always seemed to know these type of things. But he didn't obviously know about the prophecy. Harry weighed if he should tell Draco. There was the fact that Voldemort didn't know the entire prophecy, and telling it to Draco, a future Death Eater, had to be the stupidest thing he could ever think of. At the same time, Harry was telling Draco to take off while he could not and would not do it himself. Looking at Draco's expectant face, he decided to tell Draco a censored version. Voldemort already knew that he was the one threatening him.

"There is this prophecy" Harry stated. "It says that I have the power to defeat Voldemort."

Draco looked overwhelmed. "What?" he whispered.

"I don't know what it means actually" Harry said, thinking. "But it also says that we can't both live while the other one survives. So basically, him or me or possible the both of us will die before all this is over."

Harry couldn't really decipher the emotions showing in Draco's eyes.

"That's why Voldemort wanted to kill me when I was a baby" Harry concluded with a quiet voice. He could feel a pressure forming behind his eyes. "So retreating to an island wouldn't do me any good. Voldemort would just come after me like he always does."

Harry drew a shaky breath. He had never spoken about the prophecy to anyone, not since Dumbledore had told him. Saying it aloud was making it all the more real.

Draco slowly came closer and wrapped his arms around Harry's shoulders, pulling him closer. "I'm sorry, Harry" he whispered to Harry's black hair. Harry didn't say anything, he just rested his head on the slytherin's shoulder.

Draco kept petting Harry's hair, lost in thought. "I don't know what to do anymore" he finally admitted with a quiet voice. "It's all falling apart without my father. My mother... She's... I don't know what's wrong with her. It's like she has lost her grip on reality." Draco brushed his cheek against Harry's soft hair, talking out to the darkness. "She just sits there with a vacant expression in her eyes. She can't even take a walk without someone practically commanding her to do so."

Harry remembered Narcissa Malfoy from the Quidditch World Cup. She had not seemed pleasant, but it was hard to picture her not being able to take a walk alone. The Malfoy family wasn't what it had been back then.

"It's like she doesn't know how to do anything anymore, without him" Draco continued tiredly. "I don't even know how to manage the Malfoy Manor."

Harry pulled back a bit and looked at Draco. "Surely you don't have to do all that alone, do you?" he questioned.

"I can't let anyone know that my mother isn't the powerful Malfoy matriarch everyone believes her to be. There are people who'd take advantage of our distress. Besides, who am I going to ask for help?" Draco laughed like the mere idea of asking anyone's help was ludicrous.

"Couldn't you ask Snape?" Harry tried.

Draco gave Harry a sad smile, released him from his embrace and backed against the wall again. "Harry, Severus Snape is a Death Eater" he explained gently. "Plus, my father always said that there was something fishy about him."

Harry wouldn't give up. "But at least he's your Head of House. I'm sure no-one would have any objections about his involvement. Dumbledore on the other hand..." Harry trailed off, seeing Draco look at him funnily.

"He's on Dumbledore's side, isn't he?" Draco demanded.

Harry felt nervousness fill him. "Who?" he avoided.

"Professor Snape" Draco answered clearly. Harry didn't know what to say. "You didn't seem too surprised when I said he was a Death Eater" Draco said carefully, keeping an eye on Harry's reaction.

"I know most Death Eaters" Harry replied, but avoided Draco's gaze. "I have seen them in person or in my dreams."

"Yet you would propose I turn to him for assistance" Draco reminded him and shook his head. "It all makes sense now. Why Dumbledore lets him stay here, as a faculty member no less, so close to you. How could I have been so blind? How can Voldemort be so blind?"

Harry was desperate. "This is bad" Harry said, burying his head in his hands. "We have to go to Dumbledore. We have to tell him that you know. What have I done?"

"Relax, Harry" Draco said, surprisingly calm. "I'm not going to tell Voldemort anything. Not about professor Snape, or anything else you told me before."

Harry ran both his hands through his hair. "I didn't tell you anything important before!" he exclaimed.

Draco didn't say anything, but looked hurt.

Harry glanced at Draco. "No, I mean it was important to me, but not anything Voldemort would find interesting" Harry quickly rectified. "But this is bad" he said again, trying to think of a solution.

Draco was still a bit peeved when he said "I told you already, I won't tell Voldemort anything."

Harry looked at Draco straight in the eye. "You won't have a choice" he said bluntly. "Voldemort is a Legilimens. Or he could just go old school and torture you for the information."

Harry backed against the other wall and slid down, putting his head in his hands again. "Way to go Harry, you managed to endanger both Snape _and_ Draco" he reprimanded himself harshly. "Just because you couldn't keep your mouth shut!"

Draco walked in front of Harry and squatted. "You haven't done anything" he tried to convince the gryffindor. "I guessed it on my own."

Harry tried to interject something, but Draco cut him off. "_Secondly_, Voldemort has no reason to assume I know anything. Especially now, with my father in prison, we have been more or less cast aside" Draco said a bit bitterly.

"We can't count on that" Harry said, lifting his gaze.

Draco was quietly studying Harry's hands, that were hanging loosely over the gryffindor's knees now. Then he reached his finger out and traced the outline of Harry's index finger with his own.

With a sigh, he met Harry's gaze. "Please don't go to Dumbledore with this, Harry" he said softly. "Please don't make me choose. Not yet."

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Title of the chapter from _The future _by Leonard Cohen

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To Charmina: Nej, jag kommer inte från Sverige. Men du har rätt, jag är en finne. Det är inte en hemlighet, men jag tycker att det är bättre att läsa fanfiction när man vet ingenting om författaren. I varje fall, det var inte så svårt att gissa efter _Fucking Åmål_ och Tove Jansson. Jag tyckte också om _Lilja 4-ever_, men det var inte så lätt att titta på. Förlåt för alla mina skrivfel:) 


	22. Something’s wrong

**Written for the people who can see something's wrong**

Draco and Harry were sitting on the couch. Draco had his arm over Harry's shoulders and Harry was leaning on Draco. Neither of them was doing anything. They were just staring in front of them, in thought. It was Friday night and it had been a tiring week for the both of them.

Draco heard Harry sigh deeply. The gryffindor had decided not to tell anything to Dumbledore in the end, for which Draco was grateful. He sincerely hoped he would never have to betray Harry's confidence in him. Draco tried to remind himself that he had told Harry not to trust him from the beginning, but deep down he knew that he would no more be able to successfully wash his hands clean of it all.

Harry had saved him in a way, by not forcing him to associate with the Death Eaters yet. Because that's what he would have had to do, had Harry gone to the headmaster. He would have had to present his information to the Dark Lord. If the Dark Lords was ever to find out that Draco had kept information from him, he would be feeling it. For the moment, Draco just hoped the Dark Lord would forget his existence altogether.

Draco withholding information from the Dark Lord and Harry doing the same with Dumbledore, it was like they had pledged allegiance to each other, and no-one else.

Harry sighed again and Draco glanced at the black mess of hair leaning on him. "What is it?" he asked, pressing a kiss on top of Harry's head.

Harry hesitated for a moment. Finally he sit up straight and faced Draco. The slytherin instinctively sensed that he would not be liking this conversation and withdrew his arm.

"I'm worried about you" Harry said with determination. "I don't want you to become a Death Eater. You'll get hurt."

Draco could see that Harry was expecting the worst, but the blonde found himself strangely touched by the gryffindor's concern.

"And you think that my staying away from the Death Eaters is going to keep me out of harm's way?" Draco asked gently.

Harry didn't say anything and Draco decided to go on. "I'm a slytherin. Hell, I'm _the_ slytherin. I'll land on my feet, no matter who's in power."

Draco could see the wheels turning in Harry's head. "It's you I'm more worried about, though" Draco continued. "You have a knack of rubbing the important people the wrong way. That's not the way to get ahead in life."

This time Harry didn't keep quiet. "And sucking up to the likes of Voldemort and Umbridge is?"

"Yes" Draco said with confidence. "It's not always likable, but if they have power..."

Harry stood up and went to lean against the desk of drawers. He stood there looking like Draco had said something disgusting. Draco decided not to get offended.

"Take Umbridge for example, shall we?" Draco said. "You were always running your mouth, I went along with her. You sat in detention, while me and my mates were having a ride."

Harry snorted. "She turned the school into a..." Harry paused to re-group her thoughts. "It was ridiculous. The way she favored anyone who would go along with her craziness. It wasn't fair."

"Fair has nothing to do with it, Harry" Draco tutored gently. "That's what you have to learn. We are not a fair race. 'All wizards are equal, but some wizards are more equal then others'" he quoted.

Harry shook his head. He didn't want to fight with Draco about this. All he knew was that he didn't want to live in a world where Umbridges and Voldemorts were running things.

"Dolores Umbridge was a mad, deluded woman" Harry said. "And I am proud about every bit of resistance I ever showed her."

"Like you're little club?" Draco asked condescendingly.

Harry just looked in front him with a fond smile on his face. "It felt so good, starting that 'little club'" Harry said, more just aloud then to Draco in particular. "We were opposing her, right under her nose, just like she had feared. We were like guerrillas."

Draco let Harry dwell in his happy memory for a moment, before he spoke up. "Being right or ideological won't get you anywhere. You have to go where the power is."

Harry looked at Draco. "'To forgive and accept injustice is cowardice'" he said calmly.

"Says who?" Draco dismissed.

Harry was about to mumble 'never mind', but decided against it. He could say the truth just as easily, after all. "Mahatma Gandhi."

Draco looked pensive at this. "Mah..." Draco muttered to himself. "'Great soul'?" he finally asked.

Harry was surprised. "You know Sanskrit?"

"A little..." Draco shrugged. "Some Sanskrit, some Latin, some Celtic. You know... The basics."

Harry looked almost jealous. "Right" he just commented.

"So who's Mahatma?" Draco asked.

Harry came to sit back on the couch. "A man of non-violence" he replied.

"He's a muggle" Draco stated, not impressed.

"He was a muggle" Harry said. "He was assassinated."

"Well, there you go" Draco said carefully. "I guess the assassin didn't agree with him on non-violence."

"Hmm..." Harry muttered, lost in thought.

"So was he killed for being right or for being wrong?" Draco continued.

Harry smiled a sad smile. "I told you, I don't believe in right or wrong..." he said to Draco, leaning forward, placing his forearms on his knees. "Neither violence nor non-violence will ever win. Not with us humans anyway. We're too violent and too pacific. They both believed in dying for their cause, but the assassin also believed in killing for his cause."

Draco leaned back on the couch. So that was what was making Harry sad. "You worried about killing Voldemort, then?" he asked the gryffindor.

Harry didn't say anything, just rocked a bit back and forth. He glanced quickly at Draco, and the slytherin saw enough to understand that it was a 'yes'.

"You can't evaluate your actions in this case from your muggle upbringing and ethics' point of view" Draco said, amazed that the gryffindor could even question it at all. "There is no other solution. If you don't kill him, he'll live. And then it'll be hell on earth for everyone you love."

"Gee, thanks for the pep-talk" Harry said sarcastically.

"Don't mention it" Draco replied evenly.

Harry sat up straighter and Draco put his arm on the backrest of the couch. Harry moved sideways and leaned on the slytherin's chest. Then they both sighed.

* * *

Title of the chapter from _Punk Rock Song_ by Bad Religion

'All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal then others' from _Animal Farm_ by George Orwell. I changed the word 'animals' to 'wizards'. He he...

'To forgive and accept injustice is cowardice.' - Mohandas Gandhi


	23. If we sleep together

A/n: So, depressing and mental, you say:D Well, let's try again...

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**

If we sleep together, will you like me better?

Draco was sitting sideways and cross-legged on the couch on Monday night, reading the charms book on his lap. He could feel eyes on him and instinctively looked up. A pair of green eyes were fixed on him. Draco noticed that the potions essay Harry had previously been working on was neatly placed on the floor next to the couch.

"What?" Draco asked the gryffindor.

Harry didn't say anything. He carefully got from his cross-legged position to his hands and knees and started advancing on Draco. Draco knew what the gryffindor had in mind and dropped the book to the floor. Next thing he knew, Harry had pressed his lips against his. Draco responded eagerly.

Harry pushed the slytherin on his back. Draco straightened his legs and brought his hands to Harry's waist.

Oh Merlin, how he had learned to love kissing the gryffindor. It wasn't like anything he had ever experienced before. Kissing Harry could be soft like kissing a girl was, but it was also rough and intense and wild. Harry had become a bold kisser, going after what he wanted. Draco was just as forceful kisser as Harry was, but secretly he loved when he could manage to reduce the lion-like gryffindor into a kitten.

Draco grabbed the hem of Harry's jumper and pulled it over his head, accidentally taking Harry's glasses with it as well. He took hold of Harry's back again and flipped them over on the narrow couch, placing his knees on both sides of the gryffindor. Harry yelped from the sudden move, but forgot about it quickly and went back to Draco's lips.

Draco loosened Harry's tie and pulled it over the gryffindor's head. Then he started on the shirt. He unbuttoned it one button at a time, greeting the slowly appearing skin of Harry's chest with his mouth. Meanwhile, Harry was unbuttoning his cuffs.

When Draco had successfully unbuttoned the shirt he sat up on Harry's thighs, taking the gryffindor up with him, tearing the shirt off of Harry's shoulders.

With the shirt finally on the floor, the two boys paused. They stared at each other, panting heavily. One down and one to go. Now they just had to get Draco undressed as well, before they could feel their bare chests against each other's.

Finally Draco went to work and forcefully pulled his jumper over his head and attacked Harry's lips hungrily again. Draco had his other hand in Harry's hair and the other one was frantically loosening his own tie. The slytherin pulled it over his head. Harry immediately attacked the top buttons of Draco's shirt, unbuttoning them and ravishing the skin exposed. Draco tilted his head back and enjoyed the feeling of Harry's lips on his neck and collarbone.

Vaguely he realized that Harry had moved to unbutton the lower buttons as well, so he lifted his hands over his head to unbutton the cuffs. Finally Draco's shirt was off as well.

Harry put his hand on the base of Draco's neck and pulled the slytherin down for a searing kiss. Then he moved his mouth to Draco's ear and whispered "I want to have sex with you."

Draco pulled back a bit, startled. "What, now?" he whispered, looking at Harry's intense eyes.

Harry just stared back seriously and nodded.

Draco felt his chest fill with something warm and he smiled. "I don't think that's a good idea" he said softly to the gryffindor.

Harry looked at Draco with something that the slytherin couldn't decipher. He let go of Draco's neck and fell on his back on the couch, throwing his arm over his eyes.

Draco frowned at the gryffindor's actions. Was Harry regretting his proposal?

Draco was suddenly feeling extremely unwelcome so he moved from Harry's thighs and retreated to the corner of the couch, observing the boy laying before him.

As soon as Harry felt Draco's weight moving away, he bent his knees and placed his feet on the couch. He hugged his naked chest with his arms and looked away from Draco.

Draco couldn't understand what was going on. Harry had turned from hot to cold in a few moments. The gryffindor was hugging himself like he had been rejected, just because he had said that. Suddenly, the slytherin understood.

Draco advanced on Harry and leaned over him again. Harry still wasn't looking at him, but he allowed Draco to settle between his legs anyway.

Draco carefully placed his hands on both sides of the gryffindor.

"Harry, I'd really like to have sex with you." Now Harry looked up. "I want you bad" Draco said seriously. He looked at the boy laying underneath him. Harry's green eyes were vivid with emotions. Draco thought he looked actually _beautiful_. "Especially now" he said almost fondly.

"So what's the problem?" Harry said, defensive. "Why don't you want to shag me, then?"

Draco wasn't flurried by Harry's bluntness. He carefully lowered himself on his forearms, forcing Harry's arms from his chest to his sides.

"The only thing that could make me give up a _shag_ with you, is to trade it..." Draco said with a sly smile. "For two shags." Harry looked confused. "Or more" Draco continued. "But I don't think you would be thanking me if I were to shag you here, on this dusty couch and without any lube."

Draco had already thought that he had seen Harry looking beautiful, but the effect was doubled as a smile formed on Harry's lips. Harry lifted his head a bit and kissed Draco sweetly.

* * *

"So we'll be needing a bed" Harry said after he had let his head drop on the couch again. 

"You really want to do this, then?" Draco asked.

Harry nodded his head and Draco leaned down to gently kiss Harry's neck and jaw. Harry was running his hands lazily over Draco's back and sides.

"Well the dorm rooms are out of the question" Harry said aloud while Draco kept himself busy. "I guess it's the Room of Requirement then" he finally concluded after a moment.

Draco had been in the process of sucking the tip of Harry's chin. He pulled up and looked at Harry, frowning. "The what?"

"It's a room on the seventh floor, that... um, provides it's user with whatever he may... require" Harry explained pathetically.

Draco looked at him with lifted eyebrows. "You don't say" he commented.

Harry ignored Draco's comment. "I'll show you."

Draco nodded in agreement, but didn't go back to kissing. Harry was staring somewhere over Draco's right shoulder. The blonde waited patiently for Harry to say what was on his mind.

"So it hurts then, huh?" Harry tried to ask casually, still looking over Draco's shoulder.

Draco considered his words. "Well, it's not completely painless." Harry looked back at him. "Especially if it's your first time." Harry nodded. Draco wasn't surprised.

"The body just isn't used to it." Harry nodded again. "But there are things we can do to make it easier." Harry looked unsure. "Like the lube" Draco explained on and Harry nodded once more.

"And I can... prepare you" Draco said. "With my fingers." Harry's eyebrows shot up. Draco chuckled at that. "It can actually be kind of nice."

Draco looked Harry intently in the eyes. Just talking about it was turning him on.

"Like the whole thing." Draco was leaning forward to feel Harry's breath on his face. "Once you get used to it, it can be nice as well. Sometimes even really nice."

Harry was breathing shallowly. "I'm so hard right now" he whispered.

"I know" Draco said and glanced downwards where his tummy was resting between Harry's thighs. The gryffindor blushed at this. "Me too" Draco assured.

"Really?" Harry drawled.

The slytherin smiled at Harry's tone. "Yeah, don't you feel it? Wait..." Draco lifted himself higher so that their crotches rubbed together.

"Ah!" Harry gasped at the contact. "I feel it, I feel it!" he announced frantically.

Draco smiled, pleased. He started grinding on Harry over and over again, making Harry throw his head back, gasping.

'Here kitty kitty...'

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Title of the chapter from _Sleep Together_ by Garbage

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To Kyogera: Thank you for reviewing. About spelling and grammar. I'm sorry to irritate you with my mistakes, but I promise, it's not because I'm careless. It's just the old story; I'm not an anglophone. That's obviously not a good enough excuse, I mean it's 'don't write if you bloody don't know how', right? But I'll try to do better, 'kay:)

To Tanaraza: Hmm... Well, she's a clever girl, of course, but I don't think she's all-powerful. I may sound a bit cynical, but I think it is possible to drop out from the face of earth if you really try. But really, do we know what she knows?


	24. Adam & Yves

A/n: Nothing like a promise of sex to get the reviewers going, hmm? ;) You tarts...

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Adam & Yves

Harry stood up and started pacing.

He and Draco had decided to wait until Wednesday night to do 'it', because of the Slytherin quidditch practice. Harry was now in the Room of Requirement, waiting for Draco. He had decided to skip dinner and come here instead. He wasn't really hungry. Merlin, he was nervous again.

He sat down on the armchair once again, only to jump back to his feet a second later when Draco walked in. Draco closed the door after him and looked around the room. He then smiled at Harry and the gryffindor couldn't stop a shy smile forming on his lips.

Draco took his robe off and tossed it on an armchair and then turned his attention back to Harry. Harry had been dazedly following Draco's movements, but now as the slytherin opened his mouth to say something, Harry snapped back to reality.

"Right" he said quickly and started opening his robe as well.

"Oh, no you don't" Draco said immediately and moved forward to grip Harry's arm. Harry looked at him, confused.

"Well okay, you can take your robe off, if you want to" Draco consented and helped the gryffindor remove his robe. "But we are _not_ going to do this 'the Gryffindor Way'" he said sternly.

"What way is that?" Harry asked, frowning.

"The let's-get-this-over-and-done-with way." Draco was looking at him knowingly.

Harry blushed. He had been thinking something along those lines.

Before Harry could think about it any more, Draco had started kissing him. He felt Draco's hands in his hair and on his back, and decided to focus on the moment.

They stood there, just kissing, until Harry got frustrated and deepened the kiss. He started pulling on the hem of Draco's jumper, but Draco just pulled away.

"Take off your shirt" Draco said, before he pulled his own jumper over his head.

Harry nodded and grabbed his own jumper. Then they went to work on their ties and shirts, staring hungrily at each other.

Harry had gotten his shirt halfway unbuttoned, before he lost his patience and fastened his lips on Draco's once more. Draco's shirt was off already so he continued unbuttoning the rest of Harry's shirt without loosing the lip contact. He pulled it off Harry's shoulders, but it got stuck on the gryffindor's wrists, where it was still buttoned.

Draco broke the contact with a groan. "I said shirt off" he complained heatedly.

"Sorry" Harry grinned and went to open the last buttons a bit sheepishly.

Draco sat on the bed and started taking off his shoes and socks. Harry, who had finally managed to get rid of the blasted shirt, kicked his shoes off as well. He looked at the slytherin, sitting on the bed, half-naked, and he felt nervousness fill him once more.

Harry saw Draco eye him silently, his gray eyes glancing down to his lips. Harry realized he was biting his lower lip and released it immediately. He didn't want Draco to think he was useless at this. He didn't want Draco to pull away.

The slytherin slowly got up from the bed and walked to his robe that was laying discarded on the chair. He pulled a tube out of the pocket. Then Draco walked back to the bed and placed the tube on the bedside table.

"It's the lubricant" Draco explained. Harry nodded his understanding.

Draco proceeded to take off his trousers. He climbed on the bed and went to lie in the middle of it on his back, his head resting sideways and his eyes piercing into Harry's.

Harry walked closer and took in Draco's form. He had never seen it like this, as a whole. He saw Draco's erection peeking out from his boxers. Harry wished that the blonde would remove his boxers too. He wanted to see the slytherin completely naked. He realized it wouldn't be fair for him to ask, as he himself was still half dressed.

He placed his hand on the bed for balance and pulled his socks off one at a time. He then unbuckled and took off his trousers. He found Draco's intense stare alluring and was actually relieved to finally climb into the bed next to Draco.

Draco immediately greeted him with an fierce kiss. He pushed Harry on his back and ran his warm palm on Harry's side, making the gryffindor shiver.

Harry pulled Draco completely on top of him, instinctively opening his legs for the slytherin. Draco started making his way lower on Harry's body, kissing and lapping his way down.

Harry felt immensely aroused when Draco finally started pulling his boxers down. He heard a tube being opened and instinctively turned to look at the bedside table. Only then did he realize that his vision was hazy. Draco must have removed his glasses without him even noticing it.

All thoughts of his glasses left him as he felt Draco's warm mouth surround him. Draco started on a slow pace, driving Harry insane. He felt something push in uncomfortably, but somehow, it was enticing. He moaned in relief as the uncomfortable feeling increased.

He felt Draco stretching him and he moaned in pleasure, spiked with pain.

"Don't stop" Harry managed to mumble as he felt Draco's mouth and fingers leave him. He opened his eyes, that he didn't remember closing and looked at Draco. From what he could tell, Draco was removing his boxers. He wished he had his glasses on so he could see it.

Draco did something else, before he laid himself on Harry. "I'm going to come inside you now" he said to Harry softly.

"Yes" Harry gasped, and Draco lifted his legs over his shoulders. Draco reached down and soon Harry felt something larger push inside.

Harry clasped his eyes shut at the pain.

Draco didn't push any further. "Relax" the blonde managed to gasp.

Harry opened his eyes and focused on the ceiling. He let out a breath he had been holding. He was trying to breathe deeply, but it was coming out shallowly. "Go on" he whispered, nevertheless.

Draco started again, and Harry squeezed his eyes shut. He was trying to accommodate to the stretching feeling.

The slytherin was moving out and in again, and Harry tried to remember how to breathe. It _was_ painful. Still, he didn't want Draco to stop either. He could hear the slytherin panting above him, making small noises of pleasure.

Draco released Harry's legs and kissed him sloppily on the mouth and whispered "Are you all right?"

Harry's instinctively wrapped his legs around Draco's waist. "Yeah" he answered with a shaky voice. "Keep going."

"You're amazing, Harry" the slytherin said.

Harry felt the pain subside a bit and transformed to the original uncomfortable feeling. Without even realizing it, Harry brought his hands on the slytherin's lower back, urging him on.

Draco, feeling Harry's pull, pushed off from Harry's upper body. Holding his weight up with one hand, he placed the other on Harry's hip for leverage and started moving more forcefully.

Harry threw his head back, groaning loudly, with the new, rougher movements.

He opened his eyes and looked at the figure above him. Draco's face was somewhat hazy but he knew that Draco was looking down at him.

"Faster" Harry whispered.

Draco immediately quickened his pace and Harry dug his nails in Draco's back. He removed his other hand and wrapped it around himself. He started pumping in sync with Draco's thrusts. He brought himself over the edge, making the slytherin inside him soon follow.

Draco lowered himself, exhausted, on Harry, panting heavily in his neck. "You're amazing, Harry" he repeated before pulling out and dropping himself on the bed, next to Harry. He wrapped his arms around the gryffindor and pulled him on top of his chest.

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Title of the chapter from _Adam & Yves_ by Zazie 

'Pleasure spiked with pain' from _Aeroplane_ by Red Hot Chili Peppers

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A/n II: Oh, bloody hell. This isn't easy at all, making it appropriate. If you feel that it's a bit flat, I'm sorry, but I don't want to be chucked from ff. If you think that there's something inappropriate in the chapter, please give me a beeb.

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To Cassandra M. Clearwater: Yeah… :) I know... That's why I named the chapter 'If we sleep together, will you like me better?' LOL ! There isn't enough space for the whole chapter titles in the... you know... the pop-up menu, so I usually shorten them. It was nice to point it out, though. Great minds and all that... :D Thanks for reviewing! 


	25. Don’t let them make up your mind

**Don't let them make up your mind**

Harry listened to the slow beating of Draco's heart. He felt Draco's chest heave simultaneously with his deep breathing. Draco was asleep, but Harry wasn't. He was wide awake. And the intense feeling of wholeness and the calm serenity was fading, and turning into dread.

There was no doubt about it anymore. Harry had never felt so connected to anyone. Harry had thought he could handle it. And he had been right, in a way. He could handle the sex, but he couldn't handle the emotions, the trust and the belonging. Everything had changed when Draco had pushed into him the first time.

How could he have been so stupid? He had wanted it so bad and he hadn't thought about the consequences. He hadn't even known about the consequences. He had never imagined he would be feeling this way. And the familiar feeling of fear settled into his heart. Right now, the thought of giving Draco up was scaring him more than the thought of facing Voldemort.

An involuntary shiver coursed through his body, and he silently removed himself from Draco. He reached for his glasses and put them on before he settled on his back. He didn't want to wake the blonde, who really didn't get enough sleep as it was. He stared at the ceiling and sighed.

"Are you all right?" came from his side. So he had waken the slytherin.

Harry didn't say anything, he just nodded at the ceiling.

"Did I hurt you?" Draco asked gently.

Harry shook his head, but then corrected himself. "Well, it hurt some in the beginning" he explained to the ceiling. "But it was okay, because it was you."

"I'm glad it was me" Draco said softly and Harry finally turned his head to face the slytherin. Harry just looked at the blond boy; his face, his hair, his soft skin and lips.

Harry smiled a bit. "Yeah, it was special" he admitted before turning his head again towards the ceiling. He didn't know what to do and what to say. With every word and every look, he felt like he was going under. He was drowning in everything that was Draco Malfoy, and a big part of himself was cheering for him to let go, to drown.

Harry felt Draco move closer on the bed and soft lips were pressed against his shoulder.

"You're special" the slytherin murmured, before kissing his cheek gently. Harry smiled and closed his eyes at the contact. He had never had anyone murmuring sweet stupidities in his ear before.

"There is nothing special about me besides the scar" he assured the blonde, who was now breathing in the scent of his neck.

Draco pulled back a bit to look at the gryffindor lying on his back, covered with sheets and ignoring his gaze. He threw his other leg over Harry's body and straddled the boy. Harry chuckled a bit at the naked creature sitting on his tummy.

Draco slowly leaned forward and crossed his arms on Harry's chest. He pretended to be studying something. The he reached his hand and pushed Harry's glasses up to rest on his forehead.

"Maybe, but you can get away with a lot with those eyes" he finally said.

Harry furrowed his brows. "What?"

"They're striking." Draco seemed to almost be talking to himself.

Harry was starting to feel nervous about someone staring so intently at him when Draco spoke again. "I don't get it" he complained. "They're all normal, basically. Eye-lids, lashes et cetera, but yet..." Draco looked closer. "There _is_ something special about them. Maybe it's the color. They're vividly green, yet somehow multicolored..." he went on.

Draco snapped out of some kind of trance. "And I guess it made me feel special whenever you would look at me, even though I really didn't like you back then." Draco was now looking Harry _in_ the eyes, not _at_ his eyes. "I could see the hate in your eyes. You were so easy to get riled up. And the results could be seen in your eyes instantly. I liked it."

"Made you feel powerful?" Harry asked quietly.

"You don't look at me like that anymore" Draco said almost sadly, without answering Harry's question.

Harry frowned, trying to figure out what the blonde meant. "Like I hate you?"

"Like you give a damn" Draco answered after a moment. "Now you look at me with mild interest or mild amusement. Like you could be somewhere else and looking at someone else, just as easily."

Harry sighed and smiled sadly. 'It couldn't be any further from the truth' he thought to himself. He couldn't see himself with anybody else.

"I guess I'd rather I _could_ be somewhere else, just as easily" he quietly admitted.

Draco didn't say anything at first. "What?" He pulled up frowning. "You want to be somewhere else?" he asked, looking like he really didn't understand the words coming out of Harry's mouth.

Harry put his glasses back on. 'I didn't say that' he thought, confused. 'Did I say that?' he thought as he watched Draco climb off of him and sit on the bed, looking at him, rejected. He gave up on trying to remember what he had said. Looking at Draco was just too heart-braking.

He sat up and was just about to wow that there was no place he'd rather be, when a small voice popped into his head. 'It's now or never' it told him.

He looked at the slytherin, sitting naked on the bed, looking so warm and beautiful, and he made his decision.

"I think we're both better off if we don't get too attached" Harry said quietly and climbed off the bed.

He picked up his boxers and glanced at the blonde. His heart was aching. "Come on Draco. We knew this couldn't last." He pulled his trousers on with a hurry. The walls were closing in on him.

"At least I always knew I would eventually have to give you away" he said and started putting his shirt on, turning his back at Draco to hide the tears that were threatening to fill his eyes. "You still have that pure-blooded girl to marry and I have... other engagements."

"But that's not..." Harry heard Draco dispute. "We'll deal with it later. Just forget it for now."

Harry finally turned around, and pulled his jumper over his head.

"You want to be with someone else..." Draco said with a strange, detached voice.

Harry met Draco's accusing gray eyes, and knew he couldn't allow the slytherin to believe he was doing this because he wanted to be with someone else. He went to put on his shoes and said quietly "No" without looking at Draco.

"But you said-" Draco began.

Harry straightened himself up, shoving his tie and socks in his pockets. "Look" he interrupted, looking at Draco in the eyes. "Keep yourself safe, Draco. Your life is precious."

He went to pick up his robe. "And you _can_ choose your future. You're lucky to have that choice."

He rushed to the door and opened it hastily. Then he came to halt and just stood still. Finally he turned slowly around and looked at the boy on the bed. "Don't let the bastards grind you down" he whispered and the tears in his eyes finally fell. And he left.

* * *

Title of the chapter from _Girl, you'll be a woman_ by Neil Young 

'I always knew I would eventually have to give you away' was inspired by _I'm like a bird_ by Nelly Furtado

'Don't let the bastards grind you down' is from the song _Acrobat_ by U2 from the album Achtung Baby. I have used this song before, and I guess it's my favorite U2 song. I really like it's message (and the drums). And that phrase I quoted now, I really think everybody should have someone, may it be a family-member, a friend or a lover, who'll tell them that, when life is really kicking in the head. Don't let those bastards grind you down!

* * *

To Kyogera: Noted. :) 

To fallen-angel-of-repression: Thank you for reviewing, as always. Hmm, maybe you're right and I'm just making a storm in a tea cup for my own amusement. I'm not completely comfortable with the idea of putting a warning in the beginning of a chapter, though. I really don't like giving anything away in advance... :)


	26. Our time is running out

**Our time is running out**

Draco sighed deeply and leaned his head backwards against the locker. His teammates had just left the locker room and he finally had a chance to take a deep breath. On the outside, nothing had changed, but on the inside, he was falling apart.

Draco put his head in his hands. He had never felt such immense loss. He hadn't even realized he had become so attached to Harry, until the gryffindor had finally done what Draco had been fearing all along. He had pulled away.

He ran his hands through his hair and stood up. He picked up his bag and headed out after his teammates.

He had originally thought it was because he had pushed the gryffindor too far. That the sex had been too much and Harry had freaked out. He had waited for him by the stairway again after the Gryffindor quidditch practice. He knew that Harry couldn't blow off a 'professor's request' in the company of his friends. And sure enough, Harry had agreed to follow him to the dungeons.

'Harry, I'm sorry-' he had begun to apologize for pushing it too far.

But Harry had immediately cut him off. 'Why? You didn't do anything wrong' he had said.

Draco had just stared at the boy, trying to understand why Harry had took it all away.

Harry had studied the dark walls for a moment. Then he had turned back to him.

'I'm going to die and you're going to become a Death Eater' he had said bluntly. 'We were both setting ourselves to get hurt. It's better to end it now, before...' Harry's eyes had dropped to the floor and Draco had been left to wonder what the gryffindor had been about to say. Before Draco had managed to say or do anything more, Harry had looked up again and whispered a quick 'Bye' before walking away.

Draco had tried to understand Harry's reasoning, he really had, but all he could feel was his loneliness. He didn't want to let go, but every time he cornered the gryffindor these days, the boy was with company. Company that would automatically start jeering at him. And Harry would just stand in the background without a word, looking at him with his big, sad, green eyes. The gryffindor would look at him in the eyes, see his soul and broken heart and still stand behind his words.

He would try to get Harry to talk to him again Thursday, after the Gryffindor quidditch practice.

He was already entering the dungeons. He hadn't felt like going back to second floor, alone, after everything. He instinctively glanced to the side corridor where he and Harry had twice spoken in secret. He came to a halt when he heard muffled swearing from it.

He glanced around to make sure no-one saw him and entered the dark corridor. He walked along it without lighting his wand and saw a figure sitting against the wall, his head in his hands. The figure looked up and Draco knew it was Harry.

He dropped his bag on the floor, cast a _Lumos_ and walked closer. Harry followed his movements silently with his eyes. Draco squatted in front of the gryffindor. He looked at Harry's eyes and saw that the familiar wall was up. Harry hadn't changed his mind.

Draco focused on Harry's hands and ran his finger along Harry's. "What are you doing here?" he asked the gryffindor gently.

Harry looked at their fingers for a moment too. "I had a fight with Ron and Hermione" he admitted finally. "And I just wanted to see you." Harry didn't look up. "I knew you would be walking past here after your quidditch practice, so I came to wait. I thought I had missed you go by."

Draco didn't know what to say. Harry had come to see him. He should have been happy that the gryffindor still cared about him like that. But during the last week, Draco had realized that it wasn't the lack of caring that was their problem. They were happier together than they were apart. They both knew it, but still, Harry was keeping them apart.

"I should go now" Harry said and stood up.

Draco followed his example, and stood up too. He looked at Harry and Harry looked at him. After a moment, Harry let his gaze drop and started to leave.

"Please don't do this" Draco called after him tiredly. He couldn't watch Harry walk away from him any longer. "You don't have to do this."

Harry stopped in his tracks and turned slowly to look at Draco. "I know what it is like to loose someone to Voldemort" he said to the slytherin. "I don't want to do that to you. You may hate me now, but it _will_ be for the better in the long run."

Draco got the feeling that Harry was even more frightened about loosing someone himself.

"What an amazing load of bullshit" he commented on Harry's statement.

"You don't know what it's like..." Harry said, exhausted, leaning against the wall. "'To love and to loose', remember? You didn't believe in it" he reminded Draco.

Draco walked up to the gryffindor, who immediately stood up straighter and faced him properly. "Can I change my answer?" Draco asked and continued without a reply. "I think, no I know now I'd rather love and loose, than just loose."

"I don't think you know what you're saying" Harry whispered.

"That has to be one of the most hurtful things you have ever said to me" Draco accused and Harry had the decency to look down in shame. "Don't you understand, Harry?" he went on. "I have finally found my passion."

Harry looked up, uncertainly. "What is your passion?" he asked.

"You, us and this" Draco answered without hesitation. "This is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I'm not giving it up." Harry didn't say anything. "This is my decision. Don't steal it from me."

Harry kept the eye contact. "I'm sorry" he whispered.

"You said I was lucky to have that choice" Draco said, pushing Harry against the wall. "This is it. This _is_ it!" he tried to convince the gryffindor.

Draco kissed Harry with all the passion he was feeling, not wanting to let him go, now that he had him where he wanted.

Finally he released Harry's lips, but continued pinning him against the wall. He rubbed his temple against the skin on Harry's cheek and jaw. He didn't want to let go.

"I'm sorry, Draco" the gryffindor gasped again.

Draco felt a weight being added on his heart, he knew that Harry was about to pull away once more. "What are you sorry for?" he whispered into Harry's ear.

First Harry didn't say anything. "For seeking your friendship and making you feel these things for me" he then whispered. "For walking away from you and making you sad... For being weak now and setting us both for heartbreak again..." Harry paused for a moment and Draco felt a new hope rise. "And for making you jump through all these hoops for me. You don't deserve this shit."

Draco slowly pulled back, fearing that Harry would tear away at any moment. "All will be forgiven if you just... Come back to me" he said carefully.

Harry let his forehead rest against Draco shoulder for a moment. Then he put his arms around Draco's waist and hugged the boy. "You don't know how much I have missed you" he whispered, and it was the sweetest thing Draco had ever heard.

The slytherin wrapped his arms around Harry as well, and held him close. "It will be all right" he promised.

* * *

Title of the chapter from _Time is running out_ by Muse

* * *

A/n: Yeah yeah, I know... For the flow of the story, there should have been at least one chapter of angsty longing, but... Well, I just didn't want to write it. I didn't feel I would have had anything to contribute to the subject, and it would have been complete crap. So... It happens. What, shit? Sometimes. 


	27. The queerest of the queer

**The queerest of the queer**

They began meeting in the second floor room again. But after a few nights of sexual frustration, a few nights of running in ridiculous 5 minute intervals from the second floor to the Room of Requirement and once doing it on the musty couch, they decided to start meeting directly on the seventh floor.

They wowed to do their homework before anything else, to get it out of the way, you see, but they soon gave up on that too. In the end, they just promised that they would _at least_ finish their homework before anything else. That was why they were sitting half-naked on the bed that night.

Harry was sitting at the head of the bed, sheets wrapped around his waist, frantically writing horrible mishaps and death omens on his divination essay.

Draco was sitting at the foot of the bed, clad only in his boxers. He had his potions book on his lap, but he wasn't paying attention to it. Instead he was observing the gryffindor sitting opposite him with a pensive expression.

"Food" he finally declared.

Harry looked up at this, a surprised expression on his face. Then his face broke into a small grin. "Water" he admitted.

Draco lifted his eyebrows and nodded in acceptance. Then he narrowed his eyes on reflection and was about to open his mouth when Harry hurried to answer the unasked question. "Any form" he affirmed.

Draco smiled a bit at this. He was just about to go back to the text when he heard Harry say an unsure "And..."

"And what?" Draco demanded.

A blush started to spread on the gryffindor's face, which Draco found most fascinating. "Spit it out" he encouraged amusedly.

Harry stared at Draco intently for a moment, furiously biting his lip.

"Bondage" he finally conceded.

Draco's eyebrows shot up. He _was_ surprised.

Harry covered his eyes with his hand. "It's embarrassing" he groaned.

"What? No!" Draco exclaimed. He was having a hard time stopping himself from laughing at the gryffindor's antics.

Harry looked up. "I'm always complaining about people telling me what to do, and taking the choice from me, and at the same time I want to be tied down and helpless" he said with a quiet voice.

Draco smiled at him gently. "Maybe that's why it excites you" he suggested. "Losing control isn't something you'd like in 'real life'. It's a taboo for you and that's why it turns you on."

Harry didn't say anything so Draco carried on. "It's a fantasy. Maybe you wouldn't even like in reality. Or maybe you would..." Draco trailed of thinking. "Maybe reality wouldn't even be able compete with the fantasy."

Harry thought about it for a moment and then went back to his essay. "I'd still like to do it in water, though" he said aloud.

Draco chuckled a bit. He observed the gryffindor's hunched figure some more before he spoke again. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"Divination essay" Harry replied without looking up.

"Really?" the slytherin drawled while getting on his hands and knees and advancing towards the head of the bed.

He swept Harry's school supplies to the floor, earning a indignant "Hey!" from the boy. Draco ignored it and started pushing Harry on his back. The gryffindor didn't really put up much of a fight.

"I predict," Draco started as he lay there on top of Harry, "that you'll have my cock up your arse in, oh, I say two minutes."

Harry chuckled at his, making the boy on top of him rock a bit. "Ouch!" he managed to comment between giggles.

"Okay fine, maybe it'll take a little longer, but that's divination for you" he said with a sly smile before catching Harry's lips.

Draco immediately settled between Harry's legs and Harry slid his hands around Draco's waist to pull him closer, all the while deepening the kiss.

Draco kissed Harry's jaw and then his neck. He traced a narrow path from the tip of the gryffindor's chin to the hollow between his collarbones with his tongue.

He moved downwards, kissing and licking, savoring the experience of mapping the gryffindor's body with precision. He slid his warm palms on the gryffindor's sides, making the boy shiver. Harry was slightly panting and Draco was fascinated by the way light and shadow in the Room of Requirement were playing on Harry's heaving stomach.

Draco took his time worshipping the body underneath him, paying tribute to all the erogenous zones he could think of, making Harry moan.

Suddenly, Draco put his weight on his knees, and started pulling back, too far for Harry's reach.

"What?" Harry asked the slytherin between gasps.

Draco just took hold of Harry's wrists, brought his weight back on top of Harry by pinning the gryffindor's arms to the mattress forcefully.

Harry's eyes widened in shock, but he kept silent, his chest heaving rapidly as he looked at the slytherin on top of him.

Still gripping Harry's wrists, Draco lowered himself and attacked Harry neck. He bit it quite violently, making the boy beneath him scream in his pleasure. Harry hooked his legs around Draco thighs, urging him on.

Slowly, still feasting on Harry's neck, Draco let go of Harry's wrists, and slid his palms to meet Harry's and then laced their fingers together. He lowered himself on Harry's body a bit, still keeping the gryffindor's arms on the mattress. They both moaned at the friction that the movement made. Draco followed Harry's jaw line with his mouth and then returned to kiss the gryffindor forcefully on the lips again.

Draco let go of Harry's hands and went to look for the lube, hidden somewhere in the bundle of sheets from their earlier encounter. Harry moved himself upwards, taking a hold of the head board with his hands.

Draco had finally found the tube and was removing his boxers.

"Hurry" Harry demanded pleadingly, throwing his head back in frustration, breathing shallowly.

Draco was already done with the lube and moved back between Harry's legs. He placed himself against Harry and pushed in with one quick move. They both groaned at the intrusion.

Harry wrapped his legs around Draco's once again. The blonde took the hint and started moving. Harry met his every thrust with a gasp. "Harder" he panted.

Draco pushed his upper body up with his hand and wrapped his other hand around Harry's strained manhood, captured between their bodies. He knew he was close as it was. Harry moved his legs higher up to Draco's waist for a better angle. The blonde picked up speed.

Harry moaned violently at this, his hands gripping the head board until his knuckles were white.

"There!" the Gryffindor managed to gasp out to indicate that Draco had hit his prostate, before he came violently, making a mess on his tummy.

With one last forceful thrust, Draco followed his example and collapsed on the body beneath him. Harry let go of the headboard and wrapped his arms snugly around Draco's shoulders, his other hand gently petting the slytherin's blond hair.

They lay silently, immobile, breathing heavily and listening as their hearts beat at the same beat.

* * *

Title of the chapter from _Queer_ by Garbage 


	28. I’ll often stop and think about them

A/n: So, there was a bit of a pause there. Sorry 'bout that...

Anyway, I'm pleased to inform you that I have now finished typing this story, which is a good thing. Although I'll probably be rewriting all of the chapters before I post them, at least now I can say with certainty that this story will be finished. One day, I'll be able to add the little word 'COMPLETE' on the summary.

But we're not through yet, so on with the show.

* * *

**I know I'll often stop and think about them**

Draco came to the end of a paragraph and turned the page. Then he stopped dead in his tracks and turned the page back. What had he been reading about? He groaned silently when he realized he couldn't remember anything from the last 3 pages he had read about the Wolfsbane Potion.

He hated theory lessons. Honestly, even if no-one in the class could manage the actual potion, they would still learn more trying than reading about it from a bloody book. Also, this was boring as hell.

Draco looked up from the text. All students were hunched over their books. Some of them were reading glassy-eyed and some were just staring blankly at the text in front of them. He was pretty sure Goyle was dozing off since his face was dangling too close to the book.

Snape didn't mind that, of course. He probably hadn't looked up from his grading since this period had started. As long as everyone kept their mouths shut and their backs hunched, he was satisfied. In the end he'll just flunk everyone anyway. At least all the gryffindors.

He carefully looked over the aisle to the gryffindor side of the class. Harry was there. He was sitting just on the other side of the aisle, only a couple of feet away. He wanted Harry to look up and look at him, but he couldn't risk it by making noise. So he contented himself with just watching the black-haired boy. It was definitely more interesting than the Wolfsbane Potion.

Harry was hunched, just like everyone else, and staring dumbly at the text in front of him. He was leaning his cheeks heavily on his palms and absentmindedly wiggling his glasses with his fingertips. Suddenly, the gryffindor closed his eyes with a pained expression and pressed his forehead against the pages, letting his hands drop.

Draco just followed his antics amusedly. Honestly, the boy had no patience at all.

Harry turned his head, forehead still connected to the book, until he could see Draco. When he saw that the slytherin was looking back at him, he started slowly straitening himself up while keeping an eye on his surroundings. Then he looked at Draco again and smiled.

Draco smiled back. He got an idea and glanced at the professor's desk. Snape was still preoccupied, so he turned to look at the gryffindor again. Then he silently opened his mouth and did some obscene moves with his tongue.

Harry's eyes widened comically and he quickly focused on his text, trying to force down a snicker that might have been trying to come out. Draco just watched, pleased with himself.

When Harry got himself under control, he lifted his gaze again. He quickly scanned his surroundings before looking back at the slytherin with a sly smile on his face. He brought his hand up to 'inconspicuously' scratch his nose. He glanced at Snape before squeezing the hand into a fist. Then he jerked it twice rapidly towards his mouth while sticking his tongue into his cheek, mimicking a blowjob.

Now it was Draco's eyes that were threatening to pop out from shock. Harry took one look at Draco's face and let out a muffled snort. Draco immediately hunched over his book.

"Something funny, Mr. Potter?" Snape sneered from the front of the class. "Wish to share it with the others?"

"I was just enjoying your class, sir" Harry replied evenly. Draco was surprised how easily the gryffindor had lied. He glanced to his side and saw Harry staring defiantly at the Potions Master. But was Harry really expecting Snape to believe that explanation?

"15 points from Gryffindor for your cheek, Mr. Potter" Snape said sourly. The gryffindor side of the class groaned collectively, but Harry just went back to his text.

Draco shook his head ever-so-slightly. Nobody ever 'enjoyed' Snape's classes.

* * *

The atmosphere in the Gryffindor common room was oppressing. Everyone seemed to be talking a bit more quietly. Nobody was willing to move, afraid it was going to disturb... something. 

The members of the Golden Trio were fighting again. It had started in the common room, but they had quickly moved it to the sixth-year boys dorm room. Muffled yells could still be heard from upstairs.

It was like listening to your parents fight. Everybody was pretending that there wasn't anything wrong, but still perversely wanting to hear what the 'non-existent fight' was about. All the while feeling like it happening was just plain wrong.

* * *

"I don't know what you want from me!" Harry yelled, exasperated, while standing in the middle of the dorm room. "I am trying! I'm bending backwards, trying to keep you satisfied!" 

Ron and Hermione exchanged looks at that.

Harry looked from Ron to Hermione. "Why can't you let it be and just... support me?" Harry whispered. "I could really use some support right now."

"Harry, you're keeping something important from us" Hermione said. "You have no right to do that."

Harry didn't say anything. He just looked at her. Hadn't she understood anything he had been yelling about?

Hermione went on. "We love you, and we'll always be there for you." Ron nodded his agreement. "But we need the facts. We need to know what were up against."

Harry shook his head. "This isn't your problem" he said quietly.

"Yes it is" Ron said aloud. "It is!" he assured, when Harry didn't seem to agree with him. "We're in this as deep as you are. Our future is linked to yours. And we need all the information if we want a change of surviving."

Harry looked at Ron, his best friend since they were eleven, sitting on his bed. He vaguely heard Hermione speaking. "Please Harry" she said. "We want to know it all." Images of Cedric Diggory, lying on the ground, dead, came floating into his mind. As well as images of Ron lying in his own blood on the floor of the drawing room at Number 12, Grimmauld Place.

Harry slowly looked at Hermione, who was sitting on Dean's bed, looking at him expectantly. Then he looked back at Ron.

"No, our future isn't linked" he said. "Or at least it shouldn't be" he added more quietly. "I..."

He closed his eyes briefly and drew a long breath. He opened them and looked out the window. "You are hereby officially removed from this shit" he said, his voice shaking a bit. "You don't have to worry about it anymore. It isn't your problem."

With that, he walked out of the dorm room and the common room.

* * *

Title of the chapter from _In my life_ by The Beatles 


	29. In my life, I love you more

**In my life, I love you more**

Harry had been walking aimlessly around the castle. Now he was sitting on the marble staircase, looking at students who were coming in through the main doors and going to the Great Hall. Lunch would be starting soon. He wasn't feeling hungry, so he conjured a cloak and a scarf, and walked outside.

It was the first days of December, and the air was crisp. He started walking towards the direction of the lake. It was the exact opposite of the stream of students. By the time he got to the lake, there was only one person left. He smiled at the warm feeling that settled in his stomach as he walked silently towards Draco.

Harry felt like going behind Draco and wrapping his arms around the slytherin. He was feeling so lonely right now. But instead he just came to a stop a few feet away from the blonde, and looked at the lone figure.

Draco was standing on the bank, just staring over the frozen lake. It had snowed and everything was freshly white. There was something eerie about the scene.

Just then Draco looked over his shoulder like he had felt someone staring at him, and the spell was broken. He saw Harry, but glanced quickly around before smiling at the gryffindor.

"What's up?" Draco asked.

"Nothing" Harry shrugged and sat on a fallen trunk of wood, facing the lake.

Draco just raised an eyebrow at him, annoyed, and Harry quickly went to correct himself. "I fought with Ron and Hermione" he admitted.

Draco waited for Harry to go on.

"They want to be there with me, in the end" Harry said reluctantly. "Well, that's not completely true. They don't know about the prophecy, so they don't know it would be the end. They just want to be there for me."

Draco faced the lake again, and neither of the boys spoke for a while. Harry was looking at Draco's back. He observed the slytherin's cloak billowing and his blond hair dancing in the wind.

"I still have nightmares about Cedric" he talked aloud. "About when he died... His lifeless eyes, staring at me..."

Draco slowly turned around to face Harry with a dark expression. Now Harry couldn't stop talking.

"But when I wake up," he said, "I thank everything there is to thank, that it wasn't Ron. It could have been Ron. Usually it was Ron" he went on, shaking his head slightly.

Draco still didn't say anything and Harry was feeling cold. But it didn't stop him from talking.

"Cedric wanted me to take the Cup alone, but I told him we should do it together. And then he was murdered because he was 'the spare'."

Harry was lost in memories, feeling decidedly too lonely and too cold. Draco finally came to sit beside him on the trunk.

"The same altruistic side of you that made you share your victory with Diggory in the first place, is making you sad now that he's dead" Draco said stoically. "Had you been a bit more selfish, you wouldn't have shared the Cup, but then on the other hand, you wouldn't really be caring that he died."

Draco had the habit of sometimes being a bit brutal, but Harry understood what he meant.

"Isn't life just grand, sometimes, blowing raspberries at your face?" Draco muttered, while looking at the sky.

Harry just nodded silently and neither of them spoke for a while.

"You seemed to like your friends a lot, once upon a time" Draco went on. "I think you'd regret it if you lost them."

Harry nodded his head again. "It just seems like so much hassle right now. You know, keeping them happy. And I still don't want to discuss the prophecy with them."

Harry immediately regretted saying it aloud when he heard Draco sigh heavily beside him. He shouldn't talk so much about the prophecy. He knew that Draco didn't want to hear it.

"You're going to be so bummed if you actually _don't_ die" Harry heard Draco say.

"Excuse me?" he said, looking at the slytherin incredulously.

"I mean, you're really counting on dying" Draco went on, not looking at Harry. "I think you might end up with an identity crisis if you don't."

Now Draco was being _too_ brutal. "That's really harsh, even coming from you" Harry whispered viciously. "I want to live, believe me."

Draco looked at Harry, annoyed by the gryffindor's taunt. "So live!" he exclaimed. "If you want to live, then do it."

"I hear what you are saying" Harry admitted tiredly. "It's just really hard. I've been feeling so... apathetic lately. The prophecy is really getting me down."

And yes, he had said the p-word again. Draco ran a hand through his hair, sighing again.

"I can't believe you're building your whole life on that bloody prophecy" Draco muttered before looking at Harry again. "I mean seriously. It says you and the Dark Lord can't both live while the other survives. But what do you know, it seems to me you're both living and surviving."

Harry just looked at him pointedly. He didn't have to say aloud that it was only for the moment.

"Yeah yeah…" Draco muttered and looked at the sky again. "You know, most prophecies are self-fulfilling. You both think you have to face off in order to survive, so you play cat and mouse until one of you dies. And then, just like magic, the prophecy is fulfilled. It's miraculous really" Draco said sarcastically, and Harry smiled a bit.

"Prophecies, divination, looking into one's future" Draco said, shaking his head. "I mean come on, Harry. Just look at _professor_ Trelawney. What a bloody hoax."

Draco noticed that Harry was looking at the lake and trying to suppress a laughter that was threatening to come out.

"What?" Draco asked frowning.

Harry glanced at him, still smiling. "I don't know if I should be telling you this" he admitted coyly.

Draco narrowed his eyes. "Why?" he asked.

"You'll be biting my head off, that's why" Harry replied.

"Spit it out" Draco demanded.

"The prophecy was made by professor Trelawney" Harry said and burst out laughing.

Draco was speechless. Harry got himself under control and went to assure Draco. "But it was a serious prophecy, that time" he said.

"Yeah, I'm sure" Draco just said darkly.

Harry sobered quickly. "I have seen her do it once" he explained. "It's not bogus. She _can_ channel... something. Some kind of universal truth. And, at least that one time, she _was_ right."

Draco kept silent, looking at the lake again. Harry just looked at his profile, not knowing what to do or say. He felt stupid and something of an excess.

Suddenly Draco got up and moved to crouch in front of Harry's sitting form.

"So you're going to die, which sucks of course" he said roughly. "But hey, that's the way it goes, right? None of us gets to live forever. We just have to make the most of the time we have."

Harry smiled a bit. He didn't feel so lonely anymore. "_Carpe diem_?" he said, shaking his head. "That's so cliché. Who honestly seizes every fucking day and opportunity."

Draco didn't say anything, but wasn't fazed by Harry's aggressiveness.

"Do you?" Harry went on. "I mean if you want something, you go after it, every time?"

"I try" Draco replied. "Yes" he corrected himself after a moment of thinking.

Harry looked carefully at Draco's face. "So is one to conclude that if you're _not_ after something, you don't want it?" he asked.

Draco frowned a bit. "If I want something, really really want it, I definitely go after it" he said carefully. "Every time. But sometimes it's not as simple as going for it and grabbing it. Sometimes if you move too soon, you might blow it."

Harry just looked at him pensively. "What?" Draco demanded.

Harry shrugged. "I guess that's just really foreign to me" he said. "Staying so composed and being able to do strategies. Ignoring your basic instincts to just lunge at it" the gryffindor added and blushed slightly.

"That's what you do?" Draco said with a small smile.

"No" Harry said. "I put it off until it's almost too late."

Draco snorted. "And that's the Gryffindor way to go about it?" he teased gently.

"We're only human" Harry replied easily. "Besides, I get 'round to it eventually..."

Draco moved forward until he was on his knees in the snow. He took off his snowy gloves and put his hands on the side of Harry's face, rubbing the cold cheeks with his warmed hands.

"And I'm glad you did" he said seriously after a moment of silence.

Harry smiled and dropped to his knees as well. He wrapped his arms around the slytherin and Draco brought their lips together for a long and gentle kiss.

* * *

Title of the chapter from _In my life_ by The Beatles 

_Carpe diem_ is Latin for 'Seize the day' (Or like in the movie _Dead Poets Society_ by Peter Weir: _Gather ye rosebuds while ye may _– R. Herrick ;))


	30. You make me feel like I am home again

A/n: It's funny to hear that you find the story so sweet and fluffy. You're probably right, but I wasn't actually going for fluff with this one. But it's fine. I had actually originally thought that someone would be telling me off for not having them hold hands or verbalize their affection enough. :)

Oh yeah, fine. Beware of the warnings.

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Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am home again

Draco walked into the Room of Requirement. Harry wasn't there yet, although he had promised he would come as soon as he could. Draco sometimes wished the gryffindor would be there before him, waiting for him. It seemed like it was always he who was doing all the waiting.

He took his robe off and tossed it on an armchair. He went to sit on the bed and take off his shoes and socks.

Harry had once again patched things up with the side-kicks, but from what Draco had understood, it wasn't going so well between the three of them. And it was Draco who was feeling it. Harry was spending more time with them than ever. He really shouldn't have encouraged the gryffindor to try to keep his friends. He had nurtured Harry's happiness on the expense of his own. Stupid!

He was just pulling his jumper off when Harry walked in.

"You're late" Draco said.

Harry just looked at him for a moment. Then he shut the door behind him and started taking his robe off.

"I'm sorry" he said and put the robe away. "I couldn't think of a good excuse to get away." Harry was shaking his head.

"You could just say you're off to fuck with your boyfriend" Draco said nastily, pulling his tie over his head. "I'm sure it would be reason enough."

Harry, who had just been pulling his jumper over his head, froze at this.

"They wouldn't have to know it's actually me you're meeting" Draco went on.

Harry looked at Draco for a moment longer, before he went back to his jumper.

"They don't know I'm gay" he said while putting the jumper away.

"And why is that?" Draco asked spitefully while unbuttoning his shirt. "Can't tarnish the Golden Boy image with such an abnormality?"

Harry just looked at Draco angrily. "That's got nothing to do with it" he said and pulled his tie off. "I don't understand why it should be a big coming-out issue. My sexuality doesn't define me."

Draco shook his unbuttoned shirt from his shoulders. "Oh, and it'll be a great message you'll be sending out to the wizarding world when it's reveled later that the Boy Who Lived was a closet case all these years."

Harry pulled his half-unbuttoned shirt over his head with a groan. He really hated that nickname, and Draco knew it too.

"That's rich, coming from you" Harry replied evilly.

Draco waited for Harry to go on, because he honestly didn't know what the other boy was talking about.

"Mr. Always on top" Harry muttered, while working on the cuffs.

Draco crossed his arms over his chest protectively. What?

"What?" the slytherin asked, his voice loosing some of it's vicinity.

Harry looked up. "In some cultures, the one who does the fucking, is not necessarily considered homosexual" he said with a hard voice. "It's the one who is taking it up the arse that's the poofter. Fucking another bloke is just a sign of male dominance."

Neither of them said anything for a while. Finally Draco uncrossed his arms and put his hands on his hips.

"So what _are_ you actually saying?" he said coldly. "That I'm forcing you to it? That I'm a closet case? Or that I'm in fact straight?" Harry didn't say anything. "What?" Draco demanded, quite angrily.

Harry sighed, squeezed his shirt into a ball and threw it to a corner with frustration.

Draco strode to his robe, took out the lube and went up to Harry, pushing him forcefully against the wall and holding him still with his body.

"I like kissing you, I like touching you" he said with a low voice, making Harry swallow nervously.

"I like sucking you and I like fucking you" Draco continued with the same low voice, but he couldn't help himself from rubbing his crotch against the gryffindor's. Harry's breathing was becoming shallow.

"I like to hear you beg for more and I _love_ to be able to give you more" he panted to Harry's neck, all the while keeping up the friction. Harry tilted his head back and moaned, closing his eyes.

"So sue me" he whispered to the gryffindor's ear and ceased with the ministrations. He pulled back a bit and looked at Harry who was just opening his eyes.

"But if you're unsatisfied, we'll do it the other way around" Draco said calmly. He brought his hand between them and offered the lube to Harry. "We'll take turns" he said.

Harry was breathing heavily. He looked at the lube, then he looked at Draco's eyes. Then he looked at the lube again. Finally he lifted his gaze again.

"Maybe some other time" he muttered quickly before attacking Draco with a frantic kiss. He immediately went to fumble with Draco's belt buckle, trying to open it without looking down.

Draco recovered from his surprise, and forcefully unbuttoned Harry's trousers, pushing them down. He grabbed Harry's strained manhood and stroke it hard.

Harry threw his head back and moaned violently. Draco latched his lips to the gryffindor's neck, and then moved to suck him behind the ear. He wanted Harry to come right there and then, in his hands. But Harry grabbed Draco's wrist and fluttered his eyes open.

"So fuck me. Make me beg for more" he said, looking at Draco's eyes, before turning around and putting his hands against the wall in front of him.

Draco pushed Harry's trousers all the way down, and then did the same to himself. He covered his fingers with the lube, and without any warning went to prepare Harry.

The gryffindor arched his back at the sudden intrusion, and started pushing back. Draco added a second finger, making Harry's back arch again. He knew exactly where to find Harry's prostate by now.

Harry curled his hands into fists and groaned loudly. "It's good" he finally panted out after a few more pushes.

Draco reached for the lube once more. "Are you sure?" he asked carefully, while coating himself with the substance. He usually prepared Harry more then this.

Harry nodded his head. "Do it fast" he said quietly.

Draco placed himself against Harry and took hold of the gryffindor's hips. Harry bent a little bit forward, leaning against the wall. With one quick push, Draco buried himself in Harry completely.

Harry cried out loudly and leaned his forehead on one of his curled fists. Draco cried out almost just as loudly.

After a moment of adjusting, Harry straightened a bit gingerly and rested his head backwards on Draco's shoulder. Draco wrapped his arms tightly around Harry's chest and Harry reached backwards to grab one of Draco's buttcheeks.

They stayed like that, panting. Slowly Draco started moving ever so slightly. There wasn't a lot of leverage, but he could still see Harry squeezing his eyes shut. A lonely tear escaped from the corner of Harry's eye, rolling down the cheek. Draco captured it with his lips, kissing it away, and Harry opened his eyes, smiling a bit at the ceiling.

Draco's movements were becoming deeper and Harry bent forward, placing both his hands against the wall again.

Draco reluctantly let go of Harry's chest and moved his hands back to the gryffindor's hips again. He was still being careful with the force of his movements, but when he felt Harry start pushing back, he knew it was all right for him to take it up a notch.

Harry moaned appreciatively at the change of tempo. Draco bent forward and nibbled on the gryffindor's back. He reached around for Harry's manhood, but Harry beat him to it.

"I got it" the gryffindor panted out. "Just... please... harder."

Draco immediately straightened himself and took a firm hold of Harry's hips for leverage. He started pounding fast and hard, and only panting, groans and the sound of flesh against flesh could be heard.

They came almost simultaneously, as Draco pushed Harry against the wall for one last time. Panting, Harry leaned his head forward against the wall and Draco nuzzled his sweaty neck.

* * *

After a moment of intense breathing, Harry turned slowly around to face the slytherin, leaning against the wall now behind him. 

"Are you all right?" Draco asked him.

"Yes" Harry replied a bit tiredly.

Draco looked at him some more and Harry looked back. Finally the gryffindor nodded and Draco believed him. He pulled Harry's trousers up for him. He pulled his own boxers up and stepped out of his trousers, kicking them aside.

Then he went to sit on the bed, and turned to look at Harry, who was still leaning against the wall.

"I'm still pissed" he informed the gryffindor.

Harry turned his head to look at him. "I can see that, but I don't understand why" he said.

"There are people who look up to you" Draco explained. "Your coming out could really help wizards and witches understand that there is another hero type than the heterosexual one."

"Fuck you" came the angry response.

Draco did a dismissive wave with his hand and went to lie on his back on the bed.

"You're such a hypocrite" Harry went on. "You're only talking about this because you are a faggot yourself."

'Oh, so now I _am_ gay' Draco thought to himself as the gryffindor went on.

"Just like you defend wizards against muggles, because you are a wizard, and preach about pure-bloods, because you're one yourself."

"Well, that's the way it works" Draco drawled lazily. "Don't be naive."

"'If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at the way he treats his inferiors, not his equals'" Harry quoted what he had heard his late godfather once tell Ron. "The day I see you campaigning for House Elf Rights, is the day I'll allow you to cash in on my supposed fame."

Draco just shook his head. He hated fighting with Harry. The gryffindor would get so vicious, expecting the absolute worst of him. Harry really knew what to say to make him feel like an ugly piece of shit.

After a moment of silence, Draco could hear the gryffindor sigh. "I understand what you're saying" Harry said quietly, drawing Draco's eyes to him.

The gryffindor made his way carefully to the bed. He took off his trousers and socks and went to lie on his side, next to Draco.

"I guess I have some gay rights activists to thank that I don't have to worry about being subjected to electroshocks, if someone were to find out about my 'condition'" he admitted.

"To what?" Draco asked him.

"Do you know about electricity?" Harry asked him.

Draco thought about it for a moment. "The 'muggle magic'?" he tried.

"Makes everything work?" Harry demanded from the slytherin, who nodded. "That's it. Before, when homosexuality was still considered a disease, the doctors, the muggle healers, would administer shocks of electricity to the brain."

"Isn't electo-, well 'it', dangerous?" Draco asked frowning.

"Yes, and painful" Harry said, lost in thought.

After a moment of silence, Harry asked "How is the wizarding community to homosexuals?"

Draco thought about it for a moment. "There is a sense of solidarity, since homosexuals and wizards have both been persecuted and murdered for being who they are naturally" Draco said. "Often the two things, witchcraft and homosexuality, were both seen as a manifestation of Satan."

Draco shrugged. "Today, having a homosexual in the family is just something of a shame" Draco went on, expressionless. "Like a spinster, they don't procreate."

Draco carefully turned to his side and faced Harry. "And wizards need to procreate, or we'll die of extinction" he said and kept a careful eye on Harry's reactions. "That's why I need to marry and have children." Harry still wasn't reacting, so Draco dared to go on. "And I'll just have to effectuate my sexuality outside the marital bed."

Draco bit the inside of his cheek, waiting for Harry to say something. He was worried that the gryffindor wouldn't understand what he was implying.

Harry carefully rolled to his back and looked at the ceiling.

"I haven't really ever thought about children, to tell you the truth" the gryffindor admitted out loud. "And I don't really have a family who could be ashamed of me."

Harry didn't say anything for a while, but he was obviously thinking. "But I know, that if I'm lucky enough to survive the war, and to find someone who I get to love for the rest of my life, I'll take it" he finally said with conviction. "Ron and Hermione will get married, preferably to each other, and have dozens of babies. I'll be their cool Uncle Harry, and that'll... that'll just have to be enough."

He turned his head to look at Draco. "I want a family, even if that family consists of only one person besides myself" he said softly.

The gryffindor hadn't understood. Or maybe he had, and this was his answer. No, Draco preferred that Harry hadn't understood. And how could he? He shouldn't understand these kind of thoughts. Harry deserved that family, not to be a lover, kept away from eyesight.

Draco reached out his hand and softly landed it on Harry's cheek. He was fooling himself. How could he ever to just watch Harry start that family with someone else? Another man. The though of marrying a girl from a respectable family, and watching Harry walk away, was making Draco's chest contract.

All the while keeping eye contact with the gryffindor, Draco let his hand wander from Harry's cheek to his neck and chest and stomach. Without another word, he moved forward and rested his head over Harry's chest and heart. Harry's hand went to stroke his hair.

'I love you.'

* * *

Title of the chapter from _Lovesong_ by The Cure 

'If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at the way he treats his inferiors, not his equals' from _Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix_ by J.K. Rowling :P

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To DarkRemembrence: Thank you for reviewing. I don't think I'm going to become more descriptive now. It's probably partially from lack of writing skills, but also a conscious decision on my part not to give everything to the reader pre-chewed and complete. :) 

Thanks also fifespice, nickainai, Akanna, fallen-angel-of-repression and kimicocuteness.


	31. We must never be apart

A/n: Beware of the warnings. Tread further at own risk. And I'm not even kidding.

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We must never be apart

Harry's eyes fluttered open. Draco was looking at him intensively, but Harry wasn't startled. He was used to it by now. Harry often fell asleep after sex, but Draco didn't. Harry didn't really know what the slytherin did in the Room of Requirement while he was asleep, but when he was waking up, Draco was always there, lying by his side and looking at him.

Harry didn't say anything. He was just looking back at Draco with a small smile, squinting and trying to adjust to the light. When he was quite finished with his snuffling and yawning, he turned around and reached for his glasses that were on the bedside table.

He was just putting them on when he heard Draco speak softly "¿Qué horas son, mi corazón?"

Harry faced Draco again. "What?" he asked frowning.

"What time is it?" Draco translated smiling a bit sadly.

"Oh..." Harry said, and turned to the bedside table once more. He picked up his watch and looked at the time. "Dinner will be over in 15 minutes" he admitted reluctantly.

Harry kept staring at the watch and neither of the boys said anything for a while. Draco was supposed to be leaving Hogwarts that night after dinner. He had gotten a letter from his mother requesting him to come home for the weekend. Draco had managed to convince Dumbledore to allow him to make this trip by confiding in him and telling him about his mother's condition.

When Draco didn't say or do anything, Harry finally turned around to look at him.

Draco was lying on his back, observing him again. "I don't really want to go" he admitted with a quiet voice. Harry didn't know what to say.

"I just left her there, with the only company of house elves, when I came to Hogwarts this year" Draco continued. "That was over three months ago. And now I'm feeling..." his voice trailed off.

"Guilty?" Harry tried to help.

Draco rubbed his eyes with his hands tiredly. "Well, that too, I suppose. But actually I was about to say 'scared'." He removed his hands and looked at Harry again. "Scared about what I'll find when I get there" Draco said and shrugged sadly.

The boys laid on the bed, in silence, for a moment longer. Finally Draco got to his feet with a sigh. He started picking up his clothes that had been scattered all over the room. Harry laid on his back, and just watched as Draco moved around the room, dressing as he went.

Soon Draco was finished. He let his gaze go over the room, making sure he hadn't forgotten anything. Finally his eyes landed on Harry.

The gryffindor was still lying on the bed. He was naked, his body in a total state of relaxation. His manhood was lying softly against his thigh and he was gazing right back at the slytherin. Harry's eyes were filled with such melancholy and vulnerability, that Draco felt like his chest was about to collapse.

'I love you.'

He didn't want to leave.

"Why don't we make a deal?" Draco started, his voice a bit hoarse. "You don't move a muscle while I'm gone and I'll come right back up here when I return."

A small smile broke through the sadness Harry was feeling. "You want me to lie here for two days?" he asked softly.

Draco moved to lean against one of the posts at the foot of the bed. "No, I guess that's a bit over the top" he admitted. He ran a nervous hand through his blond hair. "Just don't... I won't be gone for long. Don't..." The slytherin was having troubles saying what he wanted to say.

Harry got up from the bed slowly, and went to stand in front of Draco.

"I'm sorry I made you loose your trust in me" the gryffindor said after a moment of silence, choosing his words carefully. "But I'm not going anywhere this time. I promise." A small smile formed on his lips. "I'll be waiting for you."

'I love you.'

Draco nodded his head, looking at Harry in the eyes. Then he put his hand on the side of Harry's face, stroking his cheek with his thump. He leaned forward to kiss the gryffindor deeply, passionately and deliberately. He didn't dare to pull Harry's naked body against his own. If he were to do that, he'd never get out of the room in time.

So he pulled back instead.

'I love you.'

He reluctantly let go of Harry's face and walked to the door.

"Bye" Harry called out.

Draco looked back at the door. "Goodbye" he whispered before disappearing. It's funny how beautiful people look when they're walking out the door.

* * *

Harry was sitting at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall. His gaze was wandering around the room, lingering for only a moment on the spot where Draco always sat with the slytherins. He had been gone for a day now. 

It was embarrassing how much he wished Draco to be back already. It wasn't even like they spent _all_ their time together. Sometimes it would take a couple of nights before they'd get a chance to meet in the Room of Requirement. But even then, they would see each other in the hallways or during lessons. It was somehow unnerving to know that if he were to have a sudden need to see the slytherin, it couldn't be arranged.

Harry sighed deeply. He was acting like he was missing a friggin' limb!

He looked across the table where Ron and Hermione were sitting. He had blown it, hadn't he? He had made a mistake in not telling them. He should have been honest with them from the beginning, instead of pushing them away. Now, he had gotten what he had wanted. Ron and Hermione had stopped asking him questions about... well, about anything.

Harry watched as Ron kept whispering something into Hermione's ear, making the girl blush.

"Ron!" she exclaimed punching his shoulder, and then turned her attention to the High Table. The whole school had been called to the Great Hall to hear Dumbledore's announcement. Everybody was there already, except for the headmaster himself.

Ron looked at her turned back, contemplating. Suddenly, Hermione yelped quite loudly and squirmed spectacularly on the bench. She sent a murderous glare towards the read-head. The gryffindors closest to her giggled a bit and she focused on the High Table once more with a huff.

Harry knew she wasn't really upset with Ron, though. Apparently, so did Ron who glanced across the table at Harry and winked mischievously. Harry just chuckled at his friends' antics.

Dumbledore had finally entered the room. He stood at the middle of the staff table and cleared his throat, making the student body fall quiet. He looked over the four tables sadly before he began.

"Unfortunately, I have a grave announcement to make this Saturday night" he said with a worn-out voice. "A student of this school, Draco Malfoy, has been killed in some unclear circumstances..."

Dumbledore must have continued with his announcement since his lips were still moving, but Harry heard no more. He found himself in a place he didn't recognize where his body kept falling, and the sound of the sea was screaming in his ears. Harry, Harry, Harry...

"Harry!" Harry snapped back to present time and the voices of the Great Hall came back to him. Students were already pouring out.

"Harry. Ron and I have to go take care of the first-years" Hermione said to him hurriedly. "We'll see you in the Common Room."

Harry just kept staring at her, not understanding anything she was saying. Not understanding anything at all. Hermione frowned at him, her eyes searching his, but in the end she just pressed her lips together and went to help Ron with the first-years, leaving Harry to stare dumbly at her retreating back.

'Dumbledore!'

Harry looked frantically to the staff table. Dumbledore was still there, talking intently with Snape. Harry scrambled to his feet and rushed through the opposite stream of students towards the old wizard.

"Dumbledore, please, sir!" Harry called out to him.

The headmaster looked at him with concern and steered him a bit aside from the other teachers. "What is it, my boy?" he asked the panting gryffindor.

It was as if Harry had lost the ability to speak. He kept opening his mouth, but only gasps were coming out. Finally Harry scrunched his eyes closed, concentrating on what he wanted to say. "What... what happened?" he asked, his voice cracking.

Dumbledore looked at him seriously, as in weighing what to tell him.

"Please sir, was... Voldemort?" Now he was concentrating only to prevent the anxious tears from falling from his eyes.

Dumbledore nodded solemnly. "The Dark Mark was found hovering above the Malfoy Manor" he said.

'No...'

Dumbledore looked at Harry's face, distorted in pain, with worry. "The circumstances are still unclear, but it is likely this was a Death Eaters' internal dispute" he tried to comfort the distressed boy. "It didn't have anything to do with you, Harry."

The headmaster waited patiently for Harry's reply, but when none came, he put his wrinkled hand on Harry's shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

"You better go back to your Common Room now, Harry" Dumbledore said gently.

In a daze, Harry turned from the headmaster and started walking between the long tables towards the door. There was nobody else left. He was halfway past the tables when he started to run. He ran through the door of the Great Hall, through the Entrance Hall and the main oak doors. He ran once again on the road leading to the gates of Hogwarts.

He couldn't breath, but he kept running. He ran faster and longer on the snowy road then he had ever ran before. It was like Death was on his heels, and in a way it was. He knew that if he would stop or slow down, it would catch him, and he couldn't bear it.

Just then he lost his footing and fell hard on his knees, still sliding on the slippery road. It was like all the weight of the world came crashing on him, and he let out a desperate cry.

* * *

It was snowing. Had it been snowing all along, or had it started snowing while he had been lying here, that Harry didn't know. He was out of tears, he had been squeezed dry and now he was lying inertly on his back, on a snowy road leading from the castle to the gates. 

His mind was blank. All thoughts had come and gone and now he was left there numb. He turned his head a bit to the side, blinking his eyes. He couldn't really feel his face anymore. His tears and snot had frozen on his face and snowflakes had clung to his lashes. He looked at the blond boy standing over him.

'_Harry, get up_' Draco said to him. Harry didn't say anything.

Annoyed, Draco crouched next to Harry. '_You're going to catch death_' he said reproachfully, but the sides of his mouth were twitching up a bit. '_...And then it'll be hell on earth for everyone you love_' he continued more seriously.

Harry swallowed with great difficulty. "There is no-one left for me to love" he croaked. He doubted his voice would carry over the wind, but Draco heard him nevertheless.

'_That's not even true_' the blonde said with conviction. '_Now, come on, I'll walk you._' Draco stood up and started walking towards the castle.

Slowly, Harry got on his feet and he followed the blond boy. He had never been very good at disobeying Draco direct requests.

At the castle, Draco held the door open for Harry, but didn't come in himself. '_Ron and Hermione are probably waiting for you in the Common Room_' he said, leaning against the door, preventing it from closing. '_You better go get your Invisibility Cloak that you hid behind that statue on the second floor, if you don't want to deal with them_.'

Harry nodded his head dumbly.

'_I'll see you_' Draco said. Harry nodded again, turned around and started walking up the stairs. He had climbed about a dozen of steps when he glanced over his shoulder. The door was closed.

* * *

Title of the chapter from _Ava Adore_ by Smashing Pumpkins 

'¿Qué horas son, mi corazón?' from _Me gustas tù_ by Manu Chao. It means 'What time is it, my love?' (corazón heart)

'It's funny how beautiful people look when they're walking out the door.' From the movie _Velvet Goldmine_, directed by Todd Haynes.

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To WhiteDragonPriestezz: You're right, I did like to know that. Well, bet you hate me now. 


	32. Everyday hurts a little more

**Everyday hurts a little more**

Harry fell ill. By lunch time the next day, he had been moved to the Hospital Wing for a high fever and the shivers. He was so panicky and delirious that Madam Pomfrey, with Headmaster Dumbledore's approval, gave him some Draught of the Living Dead along with some potions for the sickness. The gryffindor slept deeply for the next 24 hours.

When he came to, his body temperature had dropped to normal. Even though Madam Pomfrey had given him the proper potion to fight it, he still had all the symptoms of a flu; a runny nose, aching, tiredness and a lost of appetite.

Madam Pomfrey was a seasoned nurse and a wise witch, and she knew that there are some things that magic can't heal. But if she had her suppositions, she never brought them up. After a week, Harry was deemed fit and sent back to classes.

When he returned to school, it was crushing to see that everything was still functioning like normal. Pimples, exams, lunches and gossip. Didn't the school realize that the world had come to an end? Harry hated the fact that everything was the same as it always had been. It didn't give him any comfort, because for him, nothing would ever be the same again. He didn't want the world to go on without Draco.

The slytherins had seen a possibility in the tragedy. Some of the sixth-years still used their 'anguish' over the matter as a way to skip lessons with the consent of their Head of House. Borderline murderous thoughts were going through Harry's head as he stood in the snowy courtyard along with the rest of the Care of Magical Creatures class. Well, at least those of them who had bothered to show up. Hagrid's class was the most skived class of them all.

He hated the fact that he had to stand there and pretend that everything was all right, when it so obviously wasn't. He hated the fact that the slytherins were taking advantage of the situation. He hated the wave of sympathy that had coursed through the school towards Pansy Parkinson. It was rumored that she had burst into tears in the girls' bathroom, making it impossible for her to complete her Transfiguration essay.

While he didn't want anybody's sympathy, he despised the fact that his sorrow was not recognized as the only legitimate one. If this was the funeral of Draco Malfoy, he was forced to sit in the back as a casual acquaintance while Pansy Parkinson and all the other vile opportunists were standing in the front, advertising their false affection for the deceased, turning the function to a circus.

Harry took in a deep breath to hold back his tears. He couldn't be doing that in class. Instead he focused on the frozen lake, looming in the distance. An chunk of ice seemed to have dropped into his stomach as he spotted a familiar figure of a blond slytherin standing on the shore.

It wasn't the first time Harry had seen him since that night. Sometimes he would see Draco sitting in the Great Hall at the Slytherin table and at other times the blonde would be walking in to a classroom with a group of slytherins. Harry hadn't spoken to him again. Once when their paths had crossed in the hallway, Draco had done the little nod he always used to do to secretly acknowledge Harry's presence. That was the only time Harry had ever truly fallen completely apart in the presence of others.

The class came to an end and Ron and Hermione started making their way towards the castle.

"Are you coming, mate?" Ron called back to him, bringing Harry out of his thoughts.

"No, you go on ahead" he assured them. It was lunch-time, so the two gryffindors just glanced at each other, shrugged and continued without him.

Ron and Hermione were worried about him, and he knew it too. They had sat with him in the Hospital Wing, talking about school and other pointless things. Harry hadn't really talked, because every time he had tried to form a sentence, may it even have been about the bloody weather, he would have burst into painful, convulsive sobs. No, talking he couldn't really do.

But if Ron and Hermione ever had the urge to force him to talk, to make him confess his secrets and obliterate some of their worries, they hid it well. They tried to show their silent support, and so they never asked him any questions.

Harry turned again to look at the figure standing by the lake. Slowly, he started moving towards it. Originally, he just wanted to get a little closer to the slytherin, just so that he could see him more properly. But before he knew it, he was standing right behind the blond boy, close enough to talk.

Neither of them said or did anything for a long time. Harry was just staring at the slytherin, who was staring at the horizon. Draco's robe was billowing and his blond hair dancing in the wind. Finally Harry let out a long breath and the slytherin turned around.

'_Hello Harry_' Draco said smiling gently. '_I was watching you_.'

Harry frowned. "No you weren't" he said. "You were watching the lake."

Draco chuckled a bit like Harry had said something funny and Harry's eyes were immediately filled with tears. He closed them for a moment, shaking his head and trying to get himself under control. He walked to the trunk and sat down, drawing in some deep breaths.

Harry took off his glasses and wiped the tears from his eyes. "How are you here?" Harry asked with a tired voice. "What are you?"

Draco walked a little closer. '_I'm a fragment of your imagination_' he said shrugging. '_A memory, if you will. This is the way you remember Draco Malfoy in your Gryffindor heart_.' A smile formed on the slytherin's lips. '_And that would explain why I'm lacking my usual sarcasm_.'

Harry put on his glasses and looked at Draco for a moment. "I knew you weren't a ghost" he said quietly.

'_No_' Draco affirmed. Harry's gaze dropped to the ground.

"Why did you continue on?" Harry asked in the same quiet voice, not looking up. "Why do they all continue? Why didn't you come back as a ghost? I would have come back for you."

Draco didn't say anything for a long time and finally Harry had to look up at him. '_No, you wouldn't have_' Draco said seriously to him. '_Not you._' He came to sit beside Harry on the trunk. '_The same way you get only one life, you get only one death_' Draco said, looking at the sky. '_You'll understand it when it's your turn_.'

Harry looked at the sky for a moment as well. "How is it?" he finally asked. "I mean... death."

'_It's fine_' Draco replied. '_Serene. Stressless_.'

"Carefree?" Harry went on.

'_No_' was Draco's answer. Harry waited for Draco to elaborate, but he never did.

"So what do you do?" Harry tried another approach.

'_I ponder_' Draco said, smiling in a way that Harry didn't know if he was being serious or not. '_I think a lot about you_' Draco went on. '_I like thinking about you._'

Once again, Harry drew in a long breath in order to stop the ever-present tears from falling. He put his head in his hands and his elbows on his knees. What was he doing, talking to himself? Was he going crazy? Would it matter if he was?

"Did you know that I loved you?" he whispered without looking up.

'_Did you know that you loved me?_' came Draco's reply.

"I... don't know" Harry said and lifted his head to look at the lake, still his elbows on his knees. "Yes" he finally said. He could feel Draco smiling by his side, but Harry just felt like crying.

* * *

Title of the chapter from _Twisted (Everyday Hurts)_ by Skunk Anansie

* * *

A/n: I feel like I should try to excuse myself, but I can't really be doing that. This is the nature of fanfiction, right? But I'm not stupid, I get it. This _was_ a big deal. It was a big deal, because I don't own Draco. JKR does, of course, but so do the HP fans. You didn't want to read this, I get it. But this always was a part of the story. 

There were times when I felt like chickening out. That I would just announce the story 'discontinued' after chapter 30, or write a new, happy ending with Draco and Harry retreating to a remote island and having dozens of magically induced babies. But what can I say? I wanted to finish the story, more accurately the story I had started writing. But I promise you, this wasn't just me thinking 'oh, I need a good big plot twist here in the end. I know, Die Draco Die!' No... This always was a part of the story.

I know you posed me some reasonable questions. Hopefully they'll be answered in these last chapters. Probably not completely, but you are clever folk. You'll get it. Why I don't just answer your questions? Because often these things cannot be answered in a few sentences. They are subjective and interpretative... Once again, I'd love to sit down for a pint with you and discuss it all, and save the world while we're at it, but that's not possible...

I'm sorry if I have made you sad, I just hope that somewhere along the way there was also a chapter that made you happy... or at least content. That is one of the themes of this story: Now that you know how it ends, would you rather have not read it to save yourself from the pain?


	33. It was worth all the while

**For what it's worth, it was worth all the while**

Harry was in Potions. He really didn't have the energy to be focusing on the potion he was brewing and consequently the disgustingly orange goo came boiling over while he was lost in thought, staring at Draco's unoccupied chair.

"Potter!" Snape was immediately by his side, his face contorted in a particularly nasty sneer, that could have partially been due to the nauseating stink of the burned potion. "I should hope that-"

"Yeah, well hope is a precious thing for a man of your age" Harry cut him off with a clear voice. He didn't want to hear anything the dear professor had to say.

The look on Snape's face turned into one of rage as the greasy-haired man gathered force for a rant from hell.

Harry gave the man a look of pure disgust before turning on his heels and walking out the door. It took everything in his power of control not to use the appropriate hand-sign to go with the glare. He slammed the door closed, effectively cutting off Snape's yells of rage. He walked a little way further in the corridor, sliding his hand along it's wall, before he slumped to sit on the floor.

Shite. He had just made the rest of the school year that much more difficult for himself. He felt so tired now, as all the adrenaline left his body. He vaguely wondered if Snape would be able to ban him from his lessons for this.

The only thing Harry could think of to do in a situation like this, was to go to the headmaster's office. So he stood up again and started making his way out of the dungeons.

* * *

"Hello Harry" Dumbledore said gently to the boy standing at the door. "Would you like to sit down?" 

Harry did just that and Dumbledore himself sat back, pressing the tips his fingers together. The headmaster waited for Harry to say what was on his mind.

Sighing, the gryffindor decided there was no beating around the bush. "I blew a fuse in Potions" he said with a monotonous voice. "And then I walked out."

Something of a disappointment flickered in the old wizard's eyes. "I will not ask you to agree with professor Snape, but I must insist you respect his authority as a mentor of yours" Dumbledore said seriously. "I will not give you detention as I am sure that professor Snape will be quite prepared to administer the proper punishment."

"Yes, sir" Harry said quietly, looking at his lap.

After a moment Dumbledore sat up, crossing his fingers on the table. "Is there something you would like to tell me, Harry?" he asked kindly.

"I think there is a possibility that Snape's position in the Order, whatever it may be, has been compromised" Harry said without looking up.

"_Professor_ Snape" Dumbledore corrected him.

"Yes, sir" Harry mumbled to his lap. Dumbledore didn't say anything so Harry went on. "I... I became friends with Draco Malfoy this last fall. He guessed that Snape was a spy from something I said." Harry looked up. "He said he wouldn't tell Voldemort about it, but if he was..." Harry's voice failed him and his breathing became shallow. "If he was tort-" He just couldn't say it aloud.

"No" Dumbledore said quickly. "He hadn't been tortured."

Harry closed his eyes and nodded. "Could they have used Legilimency?" he said.

"No, there is no sign of that" Dumbledore replied immediately. "I assure you, Harry, professor Snape has his bases covered. You needn't worry about that."

"How can you be sure about Legilimency?" Harry needed to know. If they had read Draco's mind. If they had known what Harry had told him. If they had known about him and Draco. It was his fault all over again. He just knew it.

Harry noticed that Dumbledore didn't answer him right away. "Please sir, tell me" Harry said, begging. He leaned forward on his chair and put his palm on the headmaster's table, almost as if he was trying to reach out for the old wizard. "I need to know."

Dumbledore nodded his head mournfully and Harry pulled back to sit straighter on his chair.

"Mr. Malfoy's body was found in the entrance hall of his own home, the Malfoy Manor. From the position of the body, it has been concluded that he was hit in the back with the _Avada Kadevra_ curse. It is apparent that Mr. Malfoy had just arrived, as he was still wearing his traveling cloak. He had been walking forward from the door, carrying his luggage, when he was killed by an unidentified Death Eater. He had not come face to face with anyone since he had left Hogwards a few hours before."

Harry closed his eyes and tried to breath normally. He could see him, Draco, lying in a dark manor, still wearing his cloak, his luggage lying on the floor, eyes open with an almost surprised look in them...

"Why did they do it?" Harry whispered.

"Lucius Malfoy had approached the Ministry about a possibility of a deal" Dumbledore said. "He was negotiating about trading his knowledge about his Lord for a shortening of his sentence. Voldemort ordered Draco, Lucius's only son, to be killed as a warning of some kind." Dumbledore took a pause at this. "Apparently, it worked too" he went on, shaking his head. "Lucius Malfoy has ended all negotiations."

Harry frowned. "But it makes no sense!" he exclaimed. "And Draco would have become a Death Eater. He would have been a good Death Eater. They shouldn't have killed him."

"No, Harry" Dumbledore said. "I don't think Draco Malfoy would ever have become a Death Eater."

"What?" Harry whispered.

"Ever since the start of the school year, and in an increasing amount as the fall progressed, it has been very clear that Mr. Malfoy was deliberately keeping a low profile. My sources have told me that he and his mother both have been absent from all 'social events' that a family of their _history_ should have participated in."

Dumbledore considered his words. "The recruiting of Death Eaters isn't the same this time around. People are no more deluded about the true nature of being a Death Eater. Youngsters do not drift into it the same way as before. Today, it is a choice, and I believe that when the time of that choice would have come, Mr. Malfoy wouldn't have joined." Dumbledore looked over his half-moon spectacles. "My guess is that during the school year, he found something worth fighting for."

* * *

Harry was half-running towards the lake, clutching his robe tightly around himself. When his godfather had died, Hagrid had tried to comfort him by telling him that it had been the way Sirius would have wanted to go. He had dismissed it back then, but now he couldn't help thinking that anything was better than this. Draco had been killed for reasons that had nothing to do with him. He had been cursed in the back while he was visiting his sick mother. It was unbearable. 

Harry reached the lake and sat down on the trunk. "Why didn't you tell me you weren't going to become a Death Eater?" he demanded urgently.

Draco turned from the lake with a slightly surprised expression. He came to sit beside Harry, but didn't answer immediately.

'_We were living in a bubble_' he finally said seriously. '_It was almost like another universe, where there was no yesterday, no future, no Voldemort, no problems to face and no decisions to be made. There was just the moment._' Draco paused, shaking his head. '_Nobody ever knew, nobody ever confronted us about what we were doing, and we sure as hell didn't confront ourselves about it either._'

Draco turned to look at Harry. '_But you're right_' he said looking deeply into Harry's eyes. '_I should have told you that I wasn't going to become a Death Eater. You should have told me that you loved me. I should have told you that I couldn't see my future without you. And you should have told me that you pulled away because you were afraid of losing me_.'

Harry looked over the lake. He was so tired. He could still feel Draco's eyes on him.

'_We made mistakes_' Draco finally said. '_But it was special for us. And I wouldn't change it for the world_.'

Harry looked at the slytherin again.

'_I know you're sad now_,' Draco went on, '_but I wish you wouldn't want to change it either_.'

Harry sighed deeply. He shook his head slightly, but still kept his eyes on Draco. "No, I wouldn't" he admitted.

* * *

It was nighttime and Harry's dorm mates were all asleep. Harry was lying on his side, staring out into the darkness and silently trying to cry himself to sleep. 

He felt another body spoon him from back. A hand appeared and wiped away the tears from his cheek and tucked his hair behind his ear.

'_Oh Harry, don't cry_' Draco whispered in his ear.

"Because 'boys don't cry'?" Harry asked between sobs.

'_No, but because it's not making you feel any better_' Draco explained. '_It's only making you feel worse._'

"I don't think I can go on" Harry said, trying to swallow the sobs. "My heart hurts so much that I think it's going to give up and stop beating."

Draco wrapped his arm around Harry and pressed his cheek against Harry's wet one. '_The pain, it'll become easier_' he said softly. '_I promise._'

Harry didn't know if he wanted that to be true or not.

"I miss you."

* * *

Title of the chapter from _Good Riddance (Time of your life)_ by Green Day 

'Hope is a precious thing for a man of your age' from the TV-series _Metrosexuality_ (if I remember correctly...)

* * *

A/n: Uno màs. Epilogue to go... 

Thank you to everyone who reviewed, but a special thanks to those of you who have given their support. It's so easy to get caught in explaining your decisions to those reviewers who are finding it hard to understand... What I wanted to say is that I really appreciate it, and I'm not taking you guys for granted.

To fallen-angel-of-repression: Thanks for your words. Now and all the times you have reviewed before. They make me feel really good about what I'm trying to do.

To Moose on mars: Nice to hear from you again. I thought I had maybe lost you in all the fluffiness.


	34. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

It had been almost six months since... Since Draco had died. It must have been the longest six months of Harry's life. There had been days when he had found the thought of getting out of bed an impossibility. But day after day, he had gotten up. He hadn't had a choice. He had had to get to breakfast, lessons and to his home-work. He still despised the world for moving on without Draco.

He didn't know what he would have done without Ron and Hermione. They had been there for him the whole time, showing their support. They really were the amazing kind of friends that Harry himself hadn't been. He didn't know why he still kept them in the dark about Draco. To tell them... It felt like he would be giving away something personal, a secret that had been all his own for so long. But no matter how hard telling them, saying the actual words, seemed to be, he really wanted them to know. And they would, soon.

He knew that Hermione was dying to know the cause of his sadness. She had always believed that no matter what the problem, a solution could be found. He wouldn't bear to look at her face when she would realize how irreversible it all really was. That was the hardest part about death. It was so final.

Ron and Hermione had actually started asking him questions again, and it didn't bother him. In fact, it gave him some kind of comfort. There were still people in this world who cared enough about him to ask him how he was doing, and to risk getting yelled at as a thanks too.

Periodically they would send Ginny to talk to him, which Harry found quite ingenious of them. There was something to be said about talking to people who didn't know you inside out. Ginny couldn't read him like Ron and Hermione could. With Ginny, Harry didn't have to spend so much energy on hiding his secrets. It made talking a lot easier. When he didn't feel like he was under a microscope, he actually told her more about the things that were going through his head. Weird, isn't it?

Shaking his head, Harry looked up at the familiar figure standing before him on the lake shore. He didn't see Draco so often anymore. Never inside the castle. Only when he came out here to sit by the lake. Draco would always be standing on the bank, looking over the lake, robes billowing and hair dancing in the wind. They hardly ever spoke anymore. Harry really didn't know why.

School would be ending in a few weeks and he would be returning to the Dursleys' soon after. He didn't want to admit it out loud, but he was afraid of the possibility that Draco wouldn't be following him there. And he honestly didn't want to leave without him. He tried to remind himself that since Draco was in his heart, he would always be there, but he was feeling anxious nevertheless.

He heard a soft voice call out from behind him. "Hey, Harry."

Harry looked over his shoulder. "Hi, Ginny" he replied with a smile. Was it that time of the month again?

"Mind if I sit?" she asked, returning the smile. Guess it was.

Harry shook his head and Ginny came to sit by his side. They sat in silence for a moment, Ginny peering over the lake while Harry kept his eyes on the ground.

Finally Ginny drew in a long breath and said "I am not trying to say that you don't have every right to feel sad about what happened."

Harry didn't say anything. To be completely honest, he really wasn't sure what she was talking about.

"We all knew that you weren't really okay when you returned to school last September" she went on. "But we thought you were doing better and better as the school year progressed."

She sneaked a glance at him, but he still wasn't saying anything.

"Then right before Christmas..." Ginny said carefully, as if she was waiting for him to blow up. "Again, perfectly understandable. You were bound to feel upset about Christmas. It had been the last time you saw him in person before... you know. And other than that... The spirit of Christmas, it can really get a person down, right?"

Harry was starting to understand what she was talking about.

"But you haven't really gotten much better after that." Her voice was very timid. "Again, you have every right to feel the way you do. But..." She drew in a deep breath. "I don't think Sirius would have wanted you to waste away for him" she finished quickly.

Harry almost let out a small chuckle. Sirius... They thought he was still sad about Sirius's death. Of course he had been devastated to lose him, but... It felt like it had happened a lifetime ago. And besides, he had had Draco back then.

Harry looked up at Draco again. The slytherin had turned around and was now looking at Harry with a gentle smile. Harry realized that if this was the memorial service for Harry Potter's innocence, Draco was forced to the back as a casual acquaintance, while his parents, Sirius and even Cedric were remembered with the love they deserved. Harry didn't want to force Draco to sit in the back.

"It's not about Sirius" Harry said aloud, keeping his eyes on Draco.

"Then what?" Ginny said carefully by his side, but Harry only had eyes for the blond boy. Draco walked closer and sat on the trunk beside Harry. Slowly, Draco looked down at the space between them and Harry followed his gaze to his own hand that was resting on the trunk beside him. Draco put his hand over Harry's and for the shortest of moments, the gryffindor thought he could actually feel it. With a last smile to the slytherin, Harry turned to Ginny, who was looking at him with anticipation and wonder.

"I'll tell you" he said to her.

* * *

_Sometimes I think that I know  
What love's all about  
And when I see the light  
I know I'll be all right_

_I've got my friends in the world  
I had my friends  
When we were boys and girls  
And the secrets came unfurled_

_City of brotherly love  
Place I call home  
Don't turn your back on me  
I don't want to be alone_

_Love lasts forever_

- Neil Young: _Philadelphia_ -

* * *

**THE END**

* * *

A/n: Well, that's it. It's done.

Once again, I'd like to thank all of you who have been reading. It wasn't always easy, so I applaud you for sticking with it. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, whether it was in the beginning or here at the end, even if it was just so screech at me or, you know, threaten my life, I appreciate the fact that you took the time to tell me how you felt. And some of you left really nice reviews, I was touched.

If you have a question or a comment and you'd like me to reply, just let me know. And remember to leave an e-mail address.

Other than that, there isn't much more to say. I enjoyed the experience and maybe I'll be seeing you around.

Yucatan Handbook

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To DarkRemembrence: No, I don't think there'll be a sequel... When you kill off one half of your main pairing, it kinda takes away the... something... or everything. :) 


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